Class Participation: Where to draw the line when it comes to parental involvement in school

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  Posted by Rhonda Sat Sep 6, 2008 10:13am PDT

  I can sympathize with all of you. I have been a single working mother for 13 years, and the Sept. crush is almost worse than Christmas! My kids have always had the required school supplies, although there have been several times along the yrs where I have had to purchase the stuff that wasn't 'cool'. One year, by fluke chance, I was able to buy the girls all of the really fancy binders, folders, pencils, etc. I was so happy to have been able to do this. But that year, my oldest daughters teacher decided to try something new. She 'overstocked' her school supply list so that the families that were unable to provide the materials would be covered. The first day of school, she had all of the students put all of their school supplies on a big table and had the class 'go shopping' picking whatever they wanted. My daughter wasn't the biggest or the fastest, and sometimes just plain doesn't want to hurt peoples feelings. She watched as all of her school supplies were taken by her classmates and was left with the same old generic stuff that she got every year. I was furious! I understand the need to help out those that are strapped, and I also understand that the teachers provide a lot of materials with money from their own pockets. I just really feel that instead of handling it that way, she could have sent home a letter asking parents to 'sponsor' a classmate. It could have been handled much better, and I would have done everything in my power to be able to help out. What kills me about the situation, is that I had labeled all of her stuff in Sharpie marker (like I do every year) and one month into the school year, one of the students came to my house and demanded that I buy her a new binder as the one that she 'had' was destroyed because she didn't take care of it!

  I am more than willing to donate my time, and what materials that I can to help out my daughters' teachers. But it's been 5 years, and every time I think about the situation, I still get upset!

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  Posted by teachergirl Sun Sep 7, 2008 7:44pm PDT

  Thanks, MissK! I couldn't have said it better myself. And the emails go both ways. I love when kids turn in an essay at 11 am and I get an email from a mom at 3 p.m. the same day harrassing me for not having it graded and in the computer yet! LOL It has actually happened a couple of times. I say, as delicately as I can, that I was busy teaching and I want to give the same time, care and attention to all 135 papers turned in as the students did when they wrote them.

  Sometimes people need to think before the hit the send button, on both sides of the classroom door!

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  Posted by teachergirl Sun Sep 7, 2008 7:47pm PDT

  Oh, and by the way, Ro, what that teacher did to your daughter was definitely misguided. I hope that you did talk with her about it. I think her heart was in the right place, but the way she went about it was not good. (I was a single mom, too,for 20 years. I get what you're saying!)

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  Posted by Susan Sun Sep 7, 2008 8:39pm PDT

  V-Grrrrl, excellent point about city workers, cops, etc. not buying their own pens and glue sticks! And I can't believe a bottle of soda was required or the kid couldn't participate in the puppet-making. How sad! What if some kid's family is dirt-poor and can't even buy a bottle of soda because the checking account is overdrawn? What if some kid has parents who aren't very attentive and who never read that stuff and the poor kid gets banned from puppet-making? How awful! Seriously, that is really sad. And really, if every kid has to bring a 2-liter, does that mean they expect each kid to down a full 2-liter of soda at the event? That's crazy. My kid isn't even allowed to drink soda!

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  Posted by Susan Sun Sep 7, 2008 8:44pm PDT

  Ro, what a terrible story! That is just crazy. I would be heartbroken as a kid. I remember getting my special Garfield-themed school supplies because I loved everything Garfield. I would have been so sad if the teacher took it away and I got stuck with My Little Pony binders or something...

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  Posted by fine...whatever... Mon Sep 8, 2008 3:34am PDT

  as a volunteer i just want to say that i don't use email to annoy or torture overstressed, over-worked, parents but to save time and not bother them with phone calls and save paper. i don't expect all parents to be ale to help @ every event but i will ask every parent every time unless it is requested that they be left alone so we can get enough. unless you have a spanking new teacher she is prob following a plan. ask her what things your child will need over the school year and post it on your fridge and then you will see what she needs in advance. when some schools are forced to lock up paper due to short supply i think it is not a big deal to ask for items to make your child's day more interesting... there are always extremees and you may have a school/teacher that goes to far in asking for stuff but unless it is an item for a specific project..just say politely say "no thank you" and hit the delete..

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  Posted by blahblahblah Mon Sep 8, 2008 10:26am PDT

  Wow--I thought maybe I was the only parent who was annoyed at things like this. The worst teacher (as far as this subject goes) at my kid's school is the Music teacher I dont know how many times my kids have come home the day of or the night before a school concert with a note from this woman sying that the kid's need to have a special out-fit for the concert. One time they were supposed to have cowboy hats and boots and western shirts or other times they were supposed to wear red or green shirts when I had bought my kids a new outfit for the concert weeks in advance and of course it wasnt a red or a green shirt, oh, and then there was the time the boys were supposed to wear knickers and the girls long dresses and they were supposed to have bonnets and hats--like I have this crap just lying around my house or maybe I am supposed to drive 60 miles round trip at the last minute to Try and find it!!!

  Whatever happened to kids dressing in their good clothes and not having to have some stupid outfit that goes with the music teachers theme or maybe giving reasonable notice!!

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  Posted by Crabmommy Mon Sep 8, 2008 11:09am PDT

  AMEN, SISTER!

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  Posted by Kayla Mon Sep 8, 2008 1:42pm PDT

  As a student I completely agree with this article. First off, my school NEVER provides a school supply list so when the first day rolls around, you come in with whatever you think you may need. However, there will always be plenty more to buy afterwords. Before hand my mother spent well over $200 on basic stuff: binders, paper, pens, pencils etc. But what is really annoying is on the first day back, the teachers will announce something that needs to be in by the next day. I find that, first off it is unfair to the parent's, because although many kids in my town have stay home mom's, but the few of us who don't its a hassle. I mean my parent's come home 8 or 9 o'clock and then I have to expect them to go to Staples to purchase a special 8 by 12 1 inch square spiral graphing notebook? I really appreciate when teachers allow at least a week or a weekend to get the stuff done. However, I do believe that the government should supply school supplies for students. It creates less of a hassle for parents and avoids the typical "well she has a such and such". The country demands that kids attend school and then expect each parent to spend x number of dollars on specific items that really if I ask the teacher after class, they will say that the calculator that causes a $100 is not neccessary for the class and has all the same functions as the $20 calculator I've been using for the last two years. Even then, I still think that the school should purchase class sets, that save money, and avoid thefts. I think the government should mandate what school supplies can be required. Really, all a student should need is a few pens and pencils, and a notebook and folder for each class. Generations before us achieved the end point with just that. Book Sox at $4! Either buy them and reuse them for years (they're washable people!) or use good old brown paper bags from the markets. The sad part is, we're driving this commercialism. Each parent who buys a Hannah Montana notebook for $3.99 and a Sportsac pencil case for $20, $25 could have bought a $.99 notebook and smacked a cutout of Hannah Montana picture on the front, and bought you're kid a $3 pencil case from Staples. If it ain't broke (book covers, backpacks, pencil cases, lunchboxes) you don't need a new one and if it is paper is paper, having the Jonas Brothers on the cover won't make the grades improve.

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  Posted by Angela S Tue Sep 9, 2008 8:34am PDT

  I agree the need for supplies needs to be filled, but does a kindergarten student and a first graader really need page protectors, dividers, highlighters, markers, crayons, AND colored pencils? These are among many other supplies that didn't make sense for the age of my kids. Also, on a side note, my son was sent home with homework to do via the internet for research on a science project. Now, I have internet, but at the time of the homework we didn't have. We don't have cable programming, we don't live in the city or near a library. So, sometimes I feel the teacher's assumption that all of their students have access to the same things is blind. Open up your eyes...more families with two working parents are barely above the poverty line. There is no extra many times.

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