Parenting

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Co-Ed Sleepovers Are the Ultimate Playdate

Parents need to remember that kids have their own version of a timetable, too.

Sarah Bowman: Teens take a long time getting to the girlfriend and boyfriend stage -- there is a long run up of IMing, texting, Facebooking, and (eventually) hanging at the movies in groups, which seems to occupy most of 7th and 8th grade. Even then, the negotiation for a couple to go on a first date can take weeks, involving dozens of mini-conferences between the couple and various third-party agents who arrange the setup. If two teens actually start dating, everyone is thrilled -- the kids have achieved a new public status, and parents are generally happy that their kids are developing "real" relationships and not engaging in the dreaded "hooking-up" that the media keeps warning us is rampant.

And even so, sleepovers rule as the social activity of choice in high school. My experience is that both girls and boys leapfrog from one home to another between their weekend activities. No matter how much the girls are thinking and talking about the boys (and vice versa), they love the comfort of lounging in their PJs and staying up until ungodly hours watching "One Tree Hill" for the 90th time. As for boys, it's all about gaming, poker, and reruns of "The Office."

Which is why I was so shocked to hear that my friend's 16-year-old son had been invited to a co-ed sleepover at his girlfriend's house. The girl's mother thought it would be a really cool Sweet Sixteen party concept, and this blithe promotion of a fragile, new relationship jangled my friend's nerves. After several frantic conferences, she and her husband told their son that he would have his normal 11:00 PM curfew. Turns out, their son was relieved to be told he had to sleep in his own bed.

Parenting is still, and always will be, about setting limits. Yes, you can see him tonight; no, you can't go to that party if the parents aren't home. Yes, she can come for dinner; no, you can't spend the night at her Sweet Sixteenth! With each year that my kids grow older, my anxiety about their sexuality decreases (probably in direct relation to their right to privacy)! But maybe that's because the kids have their own version of a timetable, too.

Sometimes, their notion of what's cool and our idea about what's right dovetail nicely because we all need boundaries that make us comfortable.

Sarah Bowman
  Sarah Bowman is the Co-Founder of Kids Off the Couch.com.
  She has a BA in Semiotics from Brown University, worked in
  the film business as a studio executive before becoming a
  writer. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband, and two
  teenagers.

LINK: http://www.momlogic.com/2009/06/co-ed_sleepover_the_ultimate_playdate.php

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Comments 1-5 of 5
  • St.JimmyHavok's Avatar
    Posted by St.JimmyHavok Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:16pm PDT

    My first sleepover was at my brother's apartment (he moved out when I was 16, I was at his place all the time, sometimes even for a few weeks). We invited my friends, his friends, and their friends. It was awesome. The only rule was that if you passed out with your shoes on, permanent marker would be used for your humiliation...

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  • dt's Avatar
    Posted by dt Tue Jun 16, 2009 11:04pm PDT

    The only way I would ever allow my children to stay at a co-ed sleep over is if it were a church thing. When i was 14 my church had a midnight bowling and then lock-in at the church and we were ALL monitored closely.

    It may take weeks for the boyfriend/girlfriend stage - but it only takes a minute for teen pregnancy.

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  • mother1's Avatar
    Posted by mother1 Wed Jun 17, 2009 7:22pm PDT

    NO WAY WOULD I ALLOW A CO-ED SLEEP OVER.....IT'S JUST ASKING FOR TROUBLE.

    Report Abuse
  • Sensi's Avatar
    Posted by Sensi Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:52pm PDT

    Yep. Asking for trouble. I've been told though that this is the new trend between friends clear through college. Nope. Not in my house.

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  • Kory's Avatar
    Posted by Kory Sun Aug 2, 2009 3:04am PDT

    you obviously dont realize that not letting him go to this sleep over could damage his social life and ultamitly lead to suicide from lack of freind........ good job

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