Could you throw your own baby shower?

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  Posted by alaskamommy Mon Aug 31, 2009 11:06am PDT

  It's entirely inappropriate to throw your own baby shower. What's next, we just skip the shower and ask for gifts to be delivered to our home between the hours of 5 and 7? Seriously, when did proper manners or just basic social etiquette cease to exist in America?

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  Posted by Catta Mon Aug 31, 2009 12:09pm PDT

  Dear AlaskaMommy,

  I'm afraid that proper manners, basic social etiquette, and good grammar and spelling stopped being a concern for people sometime around the 1960s. The 1960s where an era when things got turned upside down (and they needed to be!); some of the social tenets needed to be revised, like etiquette needing to be based on rank (social, corporate, military), not on gender or age.The problem I see now is that ALL the rules are thrown out and no one knows if she or he is doing something to slight or wrong someone else. As an example, if I were invited to a self-thrown baby shower, I would not go, I would simply send (snail mail, email, fax, phone call) my regrets and wish her a happy day; I would not send a gift either--I would not put a stamp of approval (not that anyone is asking for one or needs one, anyway) on such bold behavior as asking for gifts. I would, however, give the mother and child a gift AFTER the mother and child make it back home from the hospital. I'm sure that my not attending such an event as a self-hosted baby shower would seem as a crass way to treat a mother-to-be to the mother herself or those helping her with the party. Inadvertently, by following standard (read: "old fashioned") etiquette protocol, I would have offended the lady because I did not act according to her new spin on etiquette and acceptable social behavior.

  I know many will say that I am a stuck-up snob, but I cannot bring myself to think that this is acceptable behavior. If I have an image in my head of what a party in my honor should be like, I would tell everyone (whether I am pregnant or not) so that they can make things happen the way I envision them.

  P.S. Is it just me,or did anyone find the "the African American Mommies" thing a bit--well, biased or offensive? Does it matter who was kicking around the idea of the self-hosted baby shower? Doesn't this sound offensive to you? It did to me!

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  Posted by Miss Priss Mon Aug 31, 2009 12:59pm PDT

  I had to plan my own shower. My best friends had the big idea that they would do it ( both were needed as one is a "i'll do it tomorrow" and the other is a "go get um") well Mrs. go get em got in a TERRIBLE accident and broke both her hips. She was in a wheel chair and after that used a walker for a LONG time. My mother and her bad knees couldn't do any of the running around looking for plates and decorations and being a school teacher she didn't have much time to do it anyway. Mrs. i'll do it tomorrow has an active toddler work and school so she wasn't much help. I even lost the place we were going to have it at because of my friends accident.We had to have it at my house which ment I was running around cleaning and getting the baby's room ready to show off to all our friends. My mom did get my cake and pay for decorations and my friends made some snacks but I had to do everything else cause we had already told everbody about it what could I do. HA and then my water broke THAT DAY!!! which was 5 weeks early!! Oh geez. it ended up being great but if they hadn't planned to throw me a party IDK if I would have planned it on my own. I even put my moms name on the invites that she was throwing it for me.

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  Posted by Anthea Mon Aug 31, 2009 1:31pm PDT

  Throwing your own baby shower or even bridal shower is just plain rude. I refuse to attend those, as they are nothing but a gift grab. No one owes you anything just because you are having a baby. And if it were truly just a chance for you to get together with your girlfriends it wouldn't say baby shower on the invite. And don't even think of putting registry information in the invite, that's just as bad.

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  Posted by AshleyMartin27 Mon Aug 31, 2009 2:08pm PDT

  Have we all forgotten that a baby shower is a celebration of life?

  To all these women who are are calling their friends and family gift-grabbing fiends- shame on you. I consider my family to be like everyone else's, and we aren't expected to bring a gift, or shamed when we don't. We go to these close functions to be just that- close.

  Who cares if the mother-to-be planned her own shower- don't bring a gift- I'm sure mommy will still be very gratuitous for you being there to share in the moment.

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  Posted by Hope Tue Sep 1, 2009 1:11am PDT

  I'm 6 mths pregnant, in the military and new (3 mths) in town. After just coming from 3 years in Japan, I know very few people in my area. The majority of coworkers are obviously men. I'd love to have a baby shower, but don't know who would host it. My friends are located throughout the world. My family is on a different coast. Do I ask one of the wives to throw it for me? Do I throw it myself. My huusband is even concerned and he's not the most sentimental man out there (lol). After trying for years to get pregnant, it's truly a blessing and worth celebrating. I'm simply not sure how to go about this. I understand how it may look to some, but what's a girl in my sitauation to do. Your comments are welcome.

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  Posted by Cinnamon Tue Sep 1, 2009 8:03am PDT

  Im 33 weeks pregnant this week and Saturday(Sept 5) will be my baby shower.I didnt plan my shower,I gave the task to my mother and she got help from other female family memebers.I told them the menu I wanted and what kind of decorations.Everything was going good up until my mom called me saying that my aunt was no longer paying for catering but her friend would still prepare the food as long as she was paid,after that everyone started to eye-ball expecting me to pay for my own baby shower food! while I dont see it fair to have to pay for ANYTHING at your own baby shower,you shouldnt have to throw your own shower as well.It is a bit rude but I did make courtesy phone calls to my friends telling them that gifts were greatly appreciated.

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  Posted by KristinS Tue Sep 1, 2009 11:12am PDT

  I am thowing my own baby football game shower, but it is for my husbands freinds and old co worker that (we think) would not want to come to a shower that our church will be throwing,there will be a game on the TV and not a bunch of woman going crazy over all the cute little sock and other baby things. i consider this to be a Man's baby shower yes there will be gifts but it is all about freinds getting together and watching the game. So i agree with it is kinda out of place to throw your own big shower for family and freinds to come a shower you with gifts but also i think if you make it something other than just a baby shower you are ok

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