Parenting

Friday, December 11, 2009

Crabmommy: Funny (and annoying) threats our kids make

It's all very well telling kids "use your words," but as we all know words can be just as dreadful as deeds.

Today, for example: I'm driving and attempting to tune out a scream of angry talk flying from the wee one's lips. Crabkid was ticked at me for leaving the library earlier than she wanted, and after a long, loud library tantrum (don't they have a special knack for tantrum venues?), she spent the car ride expressing herself in full.

Crabkid's at the stage where creative taunts of physical cruelty are threatened whenever things don't go well, ranging from the kicking of the mommy to the breaking of the mommy's head, and so forth. In the past I might have tried a spot of washing-the-mouth-out-with-soap, Victorian-mommy that I am, but now I am just too dang lazy and much more evolved. Of course, I tell Crabkid that threats of bodily harm aren't good or nice or kind, but no matter the punishments or non-punishments, the toughie talk remains.

How to Temper the Tantrum:  A pediatrician and a licensed clinical social worker offer their wisdom on contending with these formidable flare-ups.

Back to the car today and the tirade of threats directed Mommyward: I worked hard to tune out the Medieval corrections my almost-four year old dreamed up for me, but I did catch the following, a kicker she evidently thought so brutal she saved it for last: "I'm going to mail you!" And then, in a shocked, venomous whisper--as though stunned by her own powers of cruelty--"In the mailbox, Mommy!"

Lines like that and I'm glad the kid can talk. But the rest of today's speech? It left me speechless and with only one thought in my head by the time we got home: I want wine.

What zingers have your kids let fly at you?

Kids say the darndest things when they first learn how to talk. Read more about Crabtot's first words.


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Comments 11-20 of 54
  • Caramel Cake's Avatar
    Posted by Caramel Cake Thu Sep 25, 2008 10:20am PDT

    My 4 year old is infamous for it! Once you make her mad, it's curtains for you! She hits me, pushes my head if we are in the car, she tells me she hates me, tells me she is going to kill me and feed me to the dogs! I once heard her say that she didn't like me, never have never will. I laugh at the things she says, because it's funny. I can't wait till she is old enough to start taking those threats and making good on them; then she will be in the hospital!

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  • coolgal18's Avatar
    Posted by coolgal18 Thu Sep 25, 2008 10:42am PDT

    wow. this crap is depressing. i would have never told my mom any of this stuff.. no matter how "cute" it sounds.

    telling someone you hate them is strong, i would have gotten a smack on the mouth for most of this..

    kids today, wow... no no... parents today..

    "a stern talking" hahahahahaha what does that do???

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  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Thu Sep 25, 2008 10:45am PDT

    it seems as though crabkid would do well in my family. my mom has a few favorite gems that have come out of her babes' mouths. when i was 2, apparently i told her i was "concerned with her behavior." wonder where i got that?

    but my youngest sister, now eight, was by far the most precocious in her threats (we older siblings set such good examples). one of the best was when she was four, she told her then-fifteen-year-old brother that she was going to punch him in the "ba-jine-ta." we are so looking forward to her first boyfriend...

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  • Bubbasmom's Avatar
    Posted by Bubbasmom Thu Sep 25, 2008 10:49am PDT

    My son was usually pretty good at dealing with his anger. He has always been the kind to let stuff roll off his back. Once, he told me he hated me. I just smiled and said, "But I LOVE you anyway." After about five more minutes of pouting, he had already moved onto something else. We nipped temper tantrums in the bud early on, by stepping over him and rating them, "That one is only a 6, you need to kick more next time."

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  • Mandy's Avatar
    Posted by Mandy Thu Sep 25, 2008 11:38am PDT

    Am I the only one who has a child that doesnt make threats to me?

    Not one. I tell her no, and she knows I mean business.

    Keep in mind that i am NOT a mean mommy.

    She's an only child, 4 years old.

    No threats whatsoever. When she's mad, she cries, I console her and tell her why she can't have her way, then we both get over it.

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  • Megan's Avatar
    Posted by Megan Thu Sep 25, 2008 12:17pm PDT

    I don't have any kids of my own yet, but my dad likes to tell this story about me when I was about three. My older sister and I had been acting up at home, so he sent us to our room for a time out. After closing our door he lingered outside for a moment to listen for a reaction. There was just an awkward silence at first before I asked my sister, "Sissy . . . . . . . . . . do you like Dad?" I don't think I ever really threatened him, but he got a pretty good laugh out of this comment.

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  • jjc's Avatar
    Posted by jjc Thu Sep 25, 2008 1:43pm PDT

    My nephew is 18 months and such a silly happy baby but speaks more signlanguage than actual english. At the time the only words he could say were "more" and "no" without really knowing what the words ment. His Grandad was taking him on a bike ride in one of those kid trailers you hitch to the back of a bike. Grandad turns to him and asks "Logan, are you alive?" he responds with a smile "Nooooo" as the end of the "no" goes high pitched. "Logan, are you having fun?" again with a smile "Noooo" in the same ton and high pitch. hahahaa he is a great kid!

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  • HWID's Avatar
    Posted by HWID Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:47pm PDT

    My daughter (3-1/2) doesn't threaten me, but she does say hilarious things. When i wouldn't give her anymore marshmellows she told me "Come on Mommy, I'll give you thirty bucks!"..and she calls poison ivy "poison ivan"..and she likes to jump off her bedside table onto her bed and say "cannon ball", but instead she always says "Cannibal"..I could go on forever, but so could every mom! Kids are so cute!

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  • HWID's Avatar
    Posted by HWID Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:50pm PDT

    ..oh, she also tells me I'm "the best mommy in the deep blue sea"..rather than world..I always love that!..ok, one more, pretty much everyother day she'll take a big happy sigh and say "this is the best day EVER!" it's so cute!

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  • HWID's Avatar
    Posted by HWID Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:52pm PDT

    My daughter (3-1/2) doesn't threaten me, but she does say hilarious things. When i wouldn't give her anymore marshmellows she told me "Come on Mommy, I'll give you thirty bucks!"..and she calls poison ivy "poison ivan"..and she likes to jump off her bedside table onto her bed and say "cannon ball", but instead she always says "Cannibal"..I could go on forever, but so could every mom! Kids are so cute!

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