I'm hardly the first blogger to take a few pot shots at GOOP, Gwyn's lifestyle website, but after reading the latest in her series of goofy newsletters that encourage us to enjoy the fall leaves and sleep 8 hours a day, I really can't keep my crabby trap shut a moment longer. So what in the heck is GOOP? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. Seriously, aside from a few newsletters you have to sign up for, the site has yet to actually showcase anything beyond the golden lassie's inspirational message "Nourish the inner aspect." What is highly evident, however, is that a certain sylph-like Oscar beauty has spent so much time nourishing her own aspect that she's forgotten what world the rest of us live in.
Gwynnie, I've never had anything against you. I think you are a fine actress, a beautiful gal, and even your fruit- and Bible-inflected baby name selections didn't bother the Crabmommy too much (and we all know Crabmommy can get a bit peppery over baby names)! But GOOP has sent me into an anti-Gwyneth spiral, I'm afraid, and frankly I'm a little gobsmacked by the silliness of it all.
First, when are you going to actually add content to the site? There's nothing there except the tantalizing promise that you will give us access to "a little bit of everything that makes up [your] life," including thoughts from your sages, recipes, and tidbits about travel. All of which sounds molto bene. But it is a tad vague. When you say "My life is good because I am not passive about it," might a fellow writer suggest a slight copy-edit there? Maybe "My life is good because I have a bunch of money and a heck of a lot of houses and I go tromping through Spain in search of the finest clams with best-bud chef Mario Batali."
Also, while I'm sure it's very generous of you to offer
it, your thoughts on "a good place to eat in London,"
"some advice on where to stay in Austin," or your counsel
that I should "treat [my]self to something nice" probably
won't work with my budget right now. And I'm a little
confused about this inner aspect thing. What has an Austin hotel
got to do with my "inner aspect"? Oh, wait! I get it.
Said hotel has an incredible private Finnish-designed spa in the
penthouse suite where you can bathe in rare organic minerals
drained from endangered species of Guatemalan cacti, and then be
varnished in massage oils by a fleet of blind Korean masseurs.
After that, it is quite easy to get in touch with one's inner
aspect, I imagine.
(Related: Living out the perfect day (in your head) can be the
greatest escape of all.)
Mostly, Gwyn, I'm a touch irked to be told "Clean out your space" by someone who has many spaces and who I highly doubt has cleaned out so much as her own purse. And it's off-putting to be told "Invest in what's real" by someone whose concept of reality is as blissfully devoid of banal reality as it gets. In short, I don't want to be told "Make your life good" by someone who has it way better than good. I don't even like getting advice from ordinary mortals, let alone those who live at the apex of society. And when those who live in the coddled super-realm tell me to clean, that about does it for me.
Gwyneth, you may mean well and I suspect you only want to connect to the spiritually malnourished masses and dispense a few pithy words to help us plebmommies gain a glimmer of Gwynnieness for ourselves. But—and don't take this the wrong way—my life is full of goop already, so I think I'll pass on yours.
Sheesh! What do you ladies think? Want tips from the top or does this seem icky to you too?
Head over to cookiemag.com for some life advice moms like you can use.More from Cookie:
- Make the
Most Out of Your Dollar
Teach your kids—and yourself—about money management with a little assistance from our financial experts - Confessions of a
Mommyblogger
Are blogging moms writing an Internet love letter to their kids, or just violating their children's privacy? - Cookie's All-purpose Gift
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