Parenting

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  Posted by JaneDoe Mon May 5, 2008 2:03pm PDT

  I think it is good to let them loose right from the start. You teach them to share almost right away. My almost 3 yearold son and I play chutes and ladders all the time and every time he gets a chute he goes down. If I play memory with him and get more matches he cheers me on. I just think if you let them win all the time then teaching them to lose will be harder. If you start off from the begninning not letting them win all the time then you don't have to go back and teach them to lose.

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  Posted by Storytellin' Mama, Laura Cockrell Mon May 5, 2008 2:19pm PDT

  It's a hard call. I have four little ones and it's an ongoing issue. My seven year old still struggles, but school has actually helped him. If it's a family game, all four kids can't win all the time. I try to balance so everyone wins some of the time. I have also found they are able to tolerate it better at different times developmentally... if they are really falling apart I try to come back to it again later. Believe me this issue of winning is a theme over and over again. We live in a competitive based society and as much as it would be nice to live by a cooperative model (especially in a big family) in the real world this isn't the case.

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  Posted by Jen Singer, Good Housekeeping Mon May 5, 2008 3:35pm PDT

  At 4, she probably knows when you let her win, just like kids who play "everybody wins" T-ball games know the score. A little losing now and then is good for kids because they're going to have to deal with it sooner or later.

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  Posted by Ginna Mon May 5, 2008 8:10pm PDT

  I'm way to competitive to let my kids win. They are now 12 and 15, and I'm happy to help them strategize, but in little kid games, they are pretty much chance anyway, so you'd have to cheat in order to lose. That's not fair.

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  Posted by Crabmommy Mon May 5, 2008 9:37pm PDT

  I'm definitely inclined towards the tough love approach in general. With regard to games, I know if I let Tot win all the time she will turn out out be a sore loser. Still, I am sort of SCARED of her losing. Because she can be mighty furious when stumped. :) She's very 3.5 years right now. As in SPECTACULAR tantrums....aieeeeee!!

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  Posted by Raquel Tue May 6, 2008 9:01am PDT

  I agree with JaneDoe (first comment here). If you start from the beginning, you end up teaching them how to be good players, good sports, and gracious losers. Of course, it's always good to play games they have a chance at winning! My 3 yr old gets way frustrated when the game is above her level (she goes into the grown-up games box and decides she wants to play Boggle, or Risk...) Ambitious little stinker.

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  Posted by Beau's Mommy Tue May 6, 2008 9:22am PDT

  I think the sooner you can start teaching them about winning and losing the better. My 8 yr old step-son has been coddled his whole life with by my in-laws who think he's tortured because he's a divorced kid. This poor boy is incapable of losing or getting beat. It doesn't matter what it is, the first sign of losing he's crying hysterically or getting so mad that he starts being mean. I definitly have learned from their mistakes and started teaching my 3 yr old from the start and get completely different reactions from him when he loses at games. He is much more relaxed and non-chalant about losing. It's a much better experience for all.

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  Posted by Bubbasmom Tue May 6, 2008 11:18am PDT

  I have to agree that you need to teach them to lose from the beginning. We really are setting them up to fail if they ALWAYS win. They will always have to face competition (school, career, etc) in life. I tried to teach my son that life isn't fair and that sometimes you just can't win. That being said, he still stews when he loses (his father does too). But, I just remind him (them) that it is only a game, and tomorrow will it really matter that you won a game?

  He got a board game from a family friend for Christmas. It is his favorite game even though he has only won once. I think because everytime we play the game, the three of us play it with a sense of humor instead of being out to get the other guy.

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  Posted by impatientmom Tue May 6, 2008 12:16pm PDT

  We were fine with our special needs son coming in 5th place in The Special Olympics Softball Throw. He's won a gold and a bronze medal in Special Olympics Bowling competitions (Gold for regional, Bronze for State), and his only trouble is staying still for pictures afterward.

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  Posted by Grandmother of three Tue May 6, 2008 2:15pm PDT

  I am probably a "bad" grandmother, but when I shoot hoops with my two grandsons I try to win. Learning to lose is a good lesson. Grandmother of Three

  p.s. They can outrun me.

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