Crabmommy: While the kids sleep, the parents eat

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  Posted by Mimi-pz Mon Jun 2, 2008 10:40am PDT

  You are not alone! My husband and I often eat after our kids are in bed. Always on the weekends. We used to do it all the time, but my 3 YO wasn't eating anything and we found eating meals together helped him to eat a bit better. So we eat as a family during the week.

  But, on the weekends, we put the kids to bed -- our 3 YO's bed time is 6:30 and our 7 YO is in bed at 7:00 -- he can read until 7:30-8:000 -- and on the weekends we have our "adult time." This is when we connect as a couple. We eat foods that the kids don't like, we relax, have a glass (or two) of wine and eat a stress-free meal!

  I'm behind you 100%!

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  Posted by CynthiaL Mon Jun 2, 2008 11:34am PDT

  i'm glad to hear that we aren't the only family that doesn't eat together! growing up, we ate as a family. it worked, i loved it. and when i am visiting my parents at their home, they (and we while visiting) still eat together as a family. but at my house, it just doesn't work that way. i feed my daughter (who's palate is super evolved: think 5 year old who asks for sushi, a whole artichoke so she can peel and scrape on her teeth, fish, broccoli, butternut squash, rice, couscous, potato salad, edamame, etc. on top of kid faves like mac n' chz) and while she is eating, i am in the kitchen with her, but making dinner for my husband and myself. when dinner is ready, i serve my husband, who is usually in his tv room, playing video games after a long day at work, and then i put my daughter to bed. i then serve myself and watch all my tivoed shows in the comfort of my bed. it's my 'me time' after a long day of being a mom. sometimes i used to feel bad, but it just works for us and i can honestly say it's ok!

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  Posted by tjt Mon Jun 2, 2008 12:06pm PDT

  um, maybe if you didn't worry so much about her making a mes and just enjoyed watching her, you'd enjoy your meal with your child more. Kids are messy, that's life. But if this works for you have at it.

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  Posted by tjt Mon Jun 2, 2008 12:06pm PDT

  um, maybe if you didn't worry so much about her making a mes and just enjoyed watching her, you'd enjoy your meal with your child more. Kids are messy, that's life. But if this works for you have at it.

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  Posted by HotCrossBuns Mon Jun 2, 2008 2:03pm PDT

  We all eat at the table together as a family. At least most days we do. There are the few nights when things are just to hectic and I call my husband on the cell to tell him his dinner is on him for the night. But most nights we make it a priority to sit and eat dinner as a family. We always have, even when Kid-1 was a baby. After a long day at work for my husband and a long day at home with nobody but baby to talk to,inthe beginning it seemed the best way for all of us to put the day aside and come together as a family.

  Now that we are 3 elementary school-aged kids into the mix and those 3 kids have various activities during the week, I find the dinner hour after homework and before the bedtime scramble most important to spend time together. It's when we tell each other the little things about our day that would otherwise be forgotten. When else would I fine out that someone wrote a 4-letter word in the bathroom of the elementary school? Or remind my husband that Kid-3 has Tball the following night at 6:30, so he needs to leave work early if at all possible...We don't see each other but maybe 5-10 minutes in the mornings, so dinnertime is a big prirority here.

  My kids have learned through the years that if there is food on their plates they chew first then talk,and they dont' interrupt the adults. I have a red-cup policy much like the lunch tables at school, too. If mama's cup is still full of red (wine), then there's not talking until they are finished eating. That gives Husband and I time to catch up what we need catching up on...and sometimes that includes some sneaky code talk for some post-bedtime activity!

  Besides, eating too close to bedtime makes your butt big(ger) and I have no room for that!

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  Posted by HotCrossBuns Mon Jun 2, 2008 2:05pm PDT

  oh yeah...a child's pallette is apparently not dependent upon family dinner time or lack thereof. Even with our dinner-every-night policy, i have one child who is very picky,and anotehr who will eat anything from port wine soaked goat cheese and olive salad to spicy guacamole dip.

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  Posted by Mimi-pz Mon Jun 2, 2008 3:09pm PDT

  HotCrossBuns you make a valid point and one I hope to follow -- when my kids are bigger I think the dinner-homework-bath-bedtime scramble is very important. We always ate together when I was growing up and even now when we get together meal time is when we spend a lot of quality conversation and catch up.

  Right now, it works for us to eat together in the week and have our "couple time" in the weekend.

  But what works for one family doesn't work for another.

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  Posted by Crabmommy Mon Jun 2, 2008 6:41pm PDT

  HotCross, I think you're right on. Don't misunderstand me gals, I WANT to eat dinner as a family and converse about our days. Eventually. Just not while my child is still so young. Knightshade, you're absolutely right: mess is part of life. My life. All day long. So I have absolutely no desire to deal with it at night, or handle the interruptions, or any of the rest of what goes with eating with a 3 yr old. Grownups time: we have so little of it and I see no reason to forsake it all in the name of good parenting. Not sure when I'll have Crabtot join us at the table but I'm thinking 5 or 6, Euro style. When she can come up to our level a little bit, rather than have us step down to accommodate hers. Does that make me a selfish mom for saying so? If so, 'll take it as a compliment. I don't see the reason to lose "self" entirely in my quest to be a good mom.

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  Posted by hugsandhissyfits Tue Jun 3, 2008 4:55am PDT

  Dinner time has always been about family listening to your childs day and talking to them.Its ok i guess if shes sitting watching but i am not for this style ..i think its selfish and unacceptablt for a parent to think they are too good to watch their child eat!wth?shes one who didnt have her child til 40 isnt she?

  she needs to get over her slef serving ways!

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  Posted by HotCrossBuns Tue Jun 3, 2008 5:22am PDT

  Crab and Mimi, I think you both make the most important points of all: What you're doing works for you and your family. Having an hour reserved for dinner when Husband gets home just works for us,and it's something we schedule around. Because we can.

  But if by doing things like I do doesn't work for someone else, I don't see it as being any more or less right. We don't spend a lot of time doing "things" together, like going to parks and shopping (at IKEA) and the like, whereas I'm sure other folks do. The whole point I was making before was that FOR US daily dinner hour is the time we have set aside for our family to have a relaxing conversation and enjoy each other's company.

  Regularly scheduled quality time together is the goal whether it's over dinner or brunch(which we do on Sundays, too, ack!) or during a mid-afternoon stroll through down the lane.

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