I'm a mom to two very little kids (ages three and one), and I've been dragged through the mud by depression really hard. I'm losing my grip on sanity. My husband is not supportive of me getting counseling or taking medication. He believes that a lot of mental health problems would be solved through his spiritual beliefs. He says I'm not depressed, just lazy. It's really hard to cope with this. I don't know what to do. — At The End Of My Rope
Dear ATEOMR,
It sounds like you're stuck between a rock and a holier-than-thou place.
Our advice in this case is very straightforward. You need to get help. What you are experiencing is real and potentially dangerous -- to you and your children. Your husband's beliefs are real to him too, but it doesn't sound like you necessarily share them, and it definitely doesn't sound like they're giving you the help you need in this situation. Whether or not it's even possible for postpartum depression to be remedied by faith alone is questionable. But you don't have time for questioning.
You need help. Now.
Perhaps if your husband is averse to formal psychotherapy, you could pursue a postpartum support group or a general new mom's group and use that to segue into more personalized care if necessary. The group leader should be able to direct you to resources, or perhaps even help you work through some of your issues directly. It's not clear how connected you feel to the spiritual side or what the belief system in play is, but perhaps it could be helpful to discuss your concerns with a religious leader. You'll have to gauge whether you think this could be helpful or would simply reinforce your husband's position. The denial of mental illness (or its interpretation as a moral failing) by the clergy is pretty common and can be an impediment on the path to care.
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