Parenting

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Date Night - Do You Do It?

On my latest weekly menu post over on my other blog, I mentioned the fact that my husband and I have date night every Saturday. Writing that made me start thinking about this more, and I wonder if others feel the same way about date night that I do.

For me, date night is untouchable. It is mandatory. Without date night, my week is not as fulfilled, and I truly believe that my marriage suffers.

As my friend Kirsten wrote about a couple of weeks ago, when both partners work, and have active kids in the house,
it can be virtually impossible to find any time to talk. My husband Michael and I both work full time out of the house. Our kids are six and two, and by the time we get home from work, they are all over us. I LOVE catching up with them, but let's be honest. It becomes impossible to get a word in edgewise! Once they go to bed, we are both exhausted too, and once again, another day has passed without any meaningful dialogue.

That's where date night comes in! Every Saturday, Michael and I go out to dinner. The restaurants vary, and sometimes there is another couple involved, but we get out of the house with no kids, and we get a chance to connect. We are lucky enough to have an au pair who babysits, but sometimes we use an outside babysitter. And yes, in Chicago that is EXPENSIVE, but it's cheaper than a divorce attorney, so I think the price is worthwhile.

Do you guys do date night? How often?
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Comments 1-10 of 10
  • CherylM's Avatar
    Posted by CherylM Mon Apr 28, 2008 12:29pm PDT

    My husband and I recently started marriage counseling and the one thing that was suggested by my husband is that we never really dated so last week we went on a date and it was really nice. We have great conversation, food and it was so nice because we have never really had that. I am hoping that we will continue to do this. Maybe not the expensive restaurant, but we both agreed that going to dinner like that more often is definately necessary.

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  • Nikki's Avatar
    Posted by Nikki Mon Apr 28, 2008 12:59pm PDT

    My husband and I do date morning (saturday mornings.) We realized after being married for 14 years we really don't go out just me and him. So saturday mornings is when go out to breakfast or we go shopping, yard sales etc. ( My husband is never home during the day so anytime I can get him with me is fine with me.)The kids are still sleeping and don't even realize were not home.

    We go out at night but 95% of the time our kids are with us. So saturdays were perfect for us.

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  • Mimi-pz's Avatar
    Posted by Mimi-pz Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:53pm PDT

    We don't do date night. But, we have something that works for us.

    First, we're lucky that both our kids go to bed early. Yes, they are early risers, but now they're a bit older we can have them play together in the play room or the older boys room while we try and catch a few more zzz's on the weekend.

    Anyway... on the weekends -- well Thursday night, Saturday night and Sunday nights -- we feed the kids earlier then DH and I have a meal the kids won't like (like Mexican or something spicy or "strange") and open a bottle of wine and have our "date nights"

    Sometimes, in the summer, we go out on the back deck and talk or listen to music, we do puzzles or whatever.

    But since we are limited funds and have a distinct lack of babysitters, this works for us.

    We do go out for birthdays and anniversaries and have our first trip away from the kids planned for August. I'm so excited!

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  • Audrey Marchionno's Avatar
    Posted by Audrey Marchionno Mon Apr 28, 2008 4:42pm PDT

    Amen! Friday is our date night and it is UNTOUCHABLE. It can be a casual night out for hot dogs or a sexy dress and heels with all the trimmings. God bless Date Nights!

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  • mmk's Avatar
    Posted by mmk Mon Apr 28, 2008 5:16pm PDT

    We absolutely have date-night and it varies in what we do. Sometimes we eat sushi and watch a movie at home, or go out to dinner or even just out to brunch on the weekend. The important thing is that we focus entirely on us. We laugh and flirt and count our blessings and at some point, we end up making love. It is a healthy and neccessary ingrediant to a happy marriage.

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  • Meagan Francis's Avatar
    Posted by Meagan Francis Mon Apr 28, 2008 7:00pm PDT

    I wish we could pull off date night more often than we do, but throughout our marriage there have been times it's just been impossible to do it regularly. It's not easy to find somebody willing to watch four kids, for one thing, and that was particularly true when the youngest was a baby and the next-youngest was a toddler (though I think now they are getting to the age where they're pretty easy to manage...my oldest two don't require any care really and actually help with the youngers). Then once you do, the expense? Fuggedaboutit--just not in our weekly budget. And sometimes I found planning for getting out with a baby (the finding of the sitter, the pumping of the breastmilk, the choosing of the venue, the paying of the bill) were more hassle than they were worth in the end.

    But, we do make a point of finding ways to spend time "alone together"--we sometimes do what Mimi suggested and eat an "adults only" dinner later in the evening, or we pick a night that has a great TV lineup and make sure the kids are in bed when it starts. To me, date night is a state of mind more than a destination...though I sure do love those nights when the stars align and we manage to go out for a few hours!

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  • Nic's Avatar
    Posted by Nic Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:29am PDT

    I hear ya! My husband and I went on weekly date nights too, but school, work and kids have gotten in the way and it is definitely taking a toll. We have drifted so far apart now that I don't even miss those date nights, who cares to go on a date with a stranger? But I do miss my husband, I'll have to bring up the point that our relationship is either going to go up or down, and if we don't start to build it up it will fall, and while babysitters and restaurants can be expensive, a divorce attorney is more expensive!.. Nice point, thanks!

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  • Dawn G's Avatar
    Posted by Dawn G Tue Apr 29, 2008 10:15am PDT

    Wow.. It sounds like it is a great thing to do... My husband and I do date night on Friday's... We are so fortunate to have grandparents that live close so they get to have grand kid night.. I was kinda feeling selfish for doing it.. but my kids love to go to their grand parents house for the night... and they (the grandparents) absolutly love it too.. If we take a weekend and go to my mothers house, out of town, the my husbands mother will call and make sure the kids are good and just to talk to them, because she missed grand kid night.. I am pleased to see that so many others do this too..it makes me feel less guilty!!!

    It is so nice to be able to go to dinner and a movie or whatever to just be with my hubby... no attention anywhere else.. (Sometimes I even have to aks him to leave the cell phone off and make a point to turn mine off too... ;)

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  • none's Avatar
    Posted by none Tue Apr 29, 2008 10:10pm PDT

    We used to go out at least once a month on a Saturday night for dinner. But lately, we have found that lunch on Sundays works better for us. Our babysitter attends the same church that we do so we just bring her home with us after church. The kids behave better for her because they aren't tired after a busy Saturday. Also, I don't have to leave as many instructions regarding bedtime routines, what to do when the youngest won't stay in his room, etc. It is still only once a month but that seems to work for us.

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  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Wed Apr 30, 2008 7:49am PDT

    My husband and I have been married for 12 years now and every friday night is date night for us. We very rarely miss a date. This is probably the only night of the week that I look forward to. I love connecting with my husband and since we live in a 24 hour town there is plenty to do. Fortunatly, we don't have children living at home any longer, so we can stay out as late as we like. Although, on Saturday morning we're both dragging a little bit. I really encourage every couple to try and have a date night at least once or twice a month. Especially if you still have children at home.

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