Parenting

From the Community…

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  Posted by Beth M Fri May 16, 2008 6:31am PDT

  I think so much of this has to do with a child's natural personality. Both of my kids have been home since day 1. They've never done daycare or pre-school and they both do fine in strange places with strange people. I've left them at the school nursery on Sundays, with babysitters, relatives and they are fine. They do get intimidated in large crowds of either adults or kids but I think that has more to do with me (I too feel that way).

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  Posted by LadyKelien Fri May 16, 2008 6:48am PDT

  I have raised enough children through preschool age that I can say its all in the childs personality. Daycare wouldn't matter at all. My oldest daughter has never met a stranger. My second oldest, hid from her own shadow. I have had to work extra hard with my second daughter. She was the main reason I began home-schooling. She was to sensitive for the kind of bulling they allow in public schools. Now that shes nearly 14, she has plenty of socially interactive situations and is out growing her sensitivity, but as a baby or even a 8 year old, she just couldn't handle it.

  For that matter, my Aunt has a son that is in a lot of ways like my youngest son. They have many of the same personality traits. My son never went to daycare. Her son did. My son, seems to be coming out of his shell at the age of 6 and interacting with people. He isn't nearly as angry or "Leave me alone" as he use to be. Her son, seems to hate people. He gets along great with my sensitive Daughter, but unless my daughter is with me when I go to see them, He stays in his room. He refuses to come out even to say hi. They always say the same thing. Don't worry about it, thats just the way he is. He does everyone who doesn't live here that way. I think Daycare may have made him worse.

  Yes its true, children who go to daycare easily without a fuss take to the nursery at churches or even at the gym quickly. Its an enviorment they are use to. But, four of them did excellent on the first day, as soon as they had forgotten I wasn't there. The other two, well no matter who I leave them with or where I leave them, depending on the day can be problematic. Its all in the childs personality. Daycare, helps and sometimes hurts, but it is never the reason why.

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  Posted by Jenni Fri May 16, 2008 9:22am PDT

  I think it has a lot to do with child as well. However, I do feel that in a daycare the children learn to share and get a long with other childern. Of course, we all teach them that, but its great when its reinforced by someone other than mom and dad. My mother-in-law currently watches my youngest child. Everytime she grabs something from my nephew (she watches as well) He is told to let her have it since she is just a toddler. It just seems to me that when older children are around small kids they are teaching them to give in. And the toddlers learn that being the baby gets them everything. My son has been in daycare since before age 1. He tries his best to help me teach our daughter about sharing. When she was in Daycare it wasn't quite a big issue as it has been. I'm only assuming its becuase she's in a room with others her age and they are treated equally, not like the baby.

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  Posted by Leah Fri May 16, 2008 9:59am PDT

  My son is 15 months as well, and I have yet to put him in daycare. I've decided that it would probably be best for him to be around children his own age. I took a tour recently of a facility I'm interested in, and he was so engulfed in what the other kids were doing, that he had a fit when we left the classroom! I felt guilty like I was doing a disserves to him by having him with me at all times. I'm sure I could teach him all the important lessons he would learn in daycare, but maybe there's some truth to developing better social skills with toddlers their own age?

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  Posted by Susan Jackson Fri May 16, 2008 10:06am PDT

  My daughter goes to an in-home sitter, so she's in-between. She definitely gets exposed to the chaos of multiple kids running around (which is good) but not the structure of a daycare "classroom" environment. I've taken her to the zoo a couple of times for toddler "classes" and she absolutely freaks in the classroom part. I wonder if she's just claustrophobic or not used to sitting and listening to a teacher like that.

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  Posted by tvtrace123 Fri May 16, 2008 11:11am PDT

  Daycare kids vs. stay-at-home kids. Who's more easy going? I think a kid is born that way or he or she isn't. Their environment may influence their behavior to a certain degree but I don't think it completely changes their personality. My daughter spends a lot of time with me, my husband and our nanny. So she's great with us, pretty good with strangers and semi-good with other kids. The thing is she really independent so kids aren't that interesting to her right now. Of course she doesn't see other kids as much as she would if she were in daycare. But she will when she goes to pre-school when she hits the age of two. Now, she might need some time to adjust to that environment. Or she might fit right in. I'm betting on the latter. She's pretty easy going. She was born that way.

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  Posted by c_stoppa01 Fri May 16, 2008 1:06pm PDT

  My son has been in daycare since he was 15 months old. I am surprised at how social and comfortable he seems when we are somewhere strange. I am not a social butterfly at all and neither really is daddy. The only thing I have noticed is he doesn't have any close friends and he is fine being alone. The first bothers me but the later does not. You should always be comfortable alone and in a group. I am sure that it has helped prepare him for school though in a few ways.

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  Posted by lesliemorgan_steiner Fri May 16, 2008 1:56pm PDT

  All three of my children (now ages 11, 9 and 6) went to daycare starting at about three months of age. We used corporate daycare at Johnson & Johnson, Montessori daycare in Minneapolis, a Jewish Community Center and a government-subsidized center in Washington DC. In the course of selecting daycare for my kids, I saw a few subpar places, where I wouldn't leave my kids for five minutes. But good daycare is GREAT for children. My kids learned to trust other adults from an early age, to use their words, to separate from me -- all good stuff that has made them more social, more independent, and more confident of themselves. They also learned wonderfully niceties such as how to eat with a spoon and fork and how to nap amidst noise -- skills I was not so good at teaching. And the teachers and other professionals at the daycare centers taught ME many invaluable lessons about parenthood. Their immunes systems got an early workout and now they rarely get ill. Finally, daycare is a business, so I could count on it more than a single in-home caregiver. As a result, daycare helped me be a more reliable working mom -- and to keep my sanity. Good daycare is good for kids, adults and our society. It is a wonder that you hear so much negative coverage in the media. It's rare to hear about all the benefits to parents and kids.

  Leslie Morgan Steiner

  www.mommywars.net

  www.washingtonpost.com/onbalance

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  Posted by lyoungny Fri May 16, 2008 2:14pm PDT

  My son had a bunch of medical problems, so daycare wasn't a good option for the first two years, but I would definitely consider it now--for social reasons as well as economic ones.

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  Posted by ruth.campbell07 Fri May 16, 2008 3:14pm PDT

  I totally agree that children are born with certain personality traits. Great article.

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