Did You Really Think Disney Could Turn Your Baby Into An Einstein?
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by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor (Make Mine A Double)
So I’ve recently been
alerted to the hullabaloo surrounding Baby Einstein videos. It
seems that Disney is offering refunds on their “educational” videos
because they’re apparently not turning infants into baby Einsteins
after-all. I was absolutely shocked to find out that I wasn’t the
only person duped into thinking I could raise a teeny tiny Mozart
through no hands-on parenting of my own. It made perfect sense to
me that I could sit my children in front of a DVD that shows
colorful felt sock puppets moving at a pace slower than my grandma
on the interstate highway and expect them to come away a prodigy.
The only movement any of my kids produced after watching Baby
Mozart was in their Pampers. So, yeah, I’m mad. After I finish
writing this, I plan to get in line and ask for a refund on Baby
Beethoven, Baby Monet Discovering the Seasons, Baby Galileo
Discovering the Sky, Baby da Vinci from Head to Toe, Baby
Shakespeare World of Poetry. I guess my only question is: Am I
going to have to prove that my kids are not that smart? Is there
some sort of a test? Can I have the test administered in-home (my
kids don’t necessarily “not perform” on demand)? Also, will I get a
refund on Baby McDonald even though my almost two-year-old,
Matilda, can identify most animals that typically reside on a farm?
Will I only get a partial refund if Sadie can oink like a pig? The
problem is, I’m not sure if she learned it from watching hours and
hours of “learning” DVD’s or if I accidentally taught it to her on
my own. It’s also possible that she picked it up at the park, in a
story book, from her sister, dad or nanny. But, just like with the
Swine Flu, it’s going to be difficult to pinpoint the exact source
so I want my damn money back.
Baby Newton Discovering Shapes is in my DVD player right now and
Matilda can recognize a triangle. Is this some sort of nutty
coincidence? If not, can Disney prove it’s not?
The thing is, I’m no a genius and neither is my husband
(although his parents beg to differ) so I figured I’d try to
circumvent genetics and use this convenient shortcut to get them
into an Ivy League college of my choice. At only about 15.99 a pop
it seemed like a good deal. But now I’m finding out that I’ve
basically been robbed! Next you’re going to tell me that I have to
take the twins off the wait list for Princeton. This is
bull s---.
Read More...
Raising preemie twin girls plus a sassy
preschooler while trying to make a book deadline isn't for
wussies. In her Mommy Tracked column, Make
Mine a Double, Stefanie Wilder-Taylor takes imperfect parenting
to an art form. Each week she breaks the pristine laws of the mommy
manuals as she reveals how she attempts to parent her three
children through instinct, intelligence, and a lot of trial and
error. She is the author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay, Naptime Is the New Happy Hour, and It's Not Me, It's You: Subjective
Recollections from a Terminally Optimistic, Chronically Sarcastic
and Occasionally Inebriated Woman. She’s appeared numerous
times on The Today Show, is a member of the Us
Weekly Fashion Police and writes on her blog, Baby On
Bored.
