Parenting

Friday, December 11, 2009

Do you brag about your kids to strangers?

"He's reading at a fourth-grade level even though he's only in third," a dad tells me. We're at an indoor soccer class where Crabkid is meant to be dribbling and trapping the ball along with her fellow four-year-olds but she's lying on the floor instead. She's bored. Me too. Because I'm trapped with Bragdaddy.

A bit of background: I know this dad slightly, but not well. He's talking about his older kid. We are engaged in what is idle chitchat. He's probably not meaning to brag, but I'm sorry! He's reading at a fourth-grade level. That line just drives me bonkers!

Related: Mommas need to know how to accept compliments without being smug.

That line drives me bonkers because I've heard it before, and I'm sure I'm not alone in finding it smug and annoying. Why is it that acquaintances and strangers seem to think others will find the reading level of their child to be fascinating news? I realize said child's intellectual performance is staggering to his dad but it really isn't to me because I'm not his parent.

Yep, if there's one thing guaranteed to bug the Crabmommy it's a braggy dad or mom. As mom to an intellectual and athletic genius myself I can certainly sympathize with the desire to shout one's offspring's achievements to the rooftops. But hard as it is, I hold my tongue. Because I know that what is marvelous to me, isn't meaningful to someone else. Really, it's all relative, in the most literal sense of the word. Or okay, boast to your closest friends if you want them to know that six-year-old Copernicus can read the word "thought" and spell his own name, but don't tell that stranger on the airplane in the seat next to you. She doesn't want to know. 

Anyone else gag at a brag lately? Or are you a bragger and righteously unashamed?

Related: Braggy moms and photo-sharing etiquette.

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Comments 11-20 of 21
  • Audrey's Avatar
    Posted by Audrey Mon Jan 12, 2009 11:25pm PST

    I usually let my friends and even stranger brag about their families and I time them to see how long it takes for them to ask me about my life. Then I brag about my dogs non stop as long as they talk about their kids. Some people never get it, it makes me laugh when in the same breath they talk about single people being selfish.

    I only get annoyed if it goes on longer then 10 minutes, under 10 I am fine. I have one friend who calls and talks about 1 hour straight, then when the conversation turns to me she has to go. Okay she really is not my friend anymore.

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  • C's Avatar
    Posted by C Tue Jan 13, 2009 5:04am PST

    Bragging is a fine line...little one is only months old, and obviously not reading. "Reads at a blah blah level"...okay, that's a line that should either be fit for relatives or a teacher, not anyone you meet. Keep the bragging relevent to the topic that's being conversed I guess...

    Being an honor student these days is an accomplishment? I'm not sure about that sometimes...too many friends are teachers and have stated that they can't stand the dumbing-down of the topics and the teaching to tests, not the subject.

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  • binnphoenix's Avatar
    Posted by binnphoenix Tue Jan 13, 2009 7:09am PST

    To be honest when I am around strangers by myself I would prefer to not be talking about my children at all. Perhaps I am getting really stir crazy being at home all the time. Even when I am with my kids in public I feel like saying "They are fine" and ending the conversation about them. Grown up time should be about grown ups. I find this annoying with family members as well, if I just say oh she is smiling now and getting bigger, my family expects more from me. With my close friend, it is as if she asks me how my kids are doing at certain things just so she can "one-up" me about her brats, when I really do not care. Why can't we talk about going out this weekend or some tv show woman!?

    It is going to be hard when my first starts kindergarten this year. If I am able to make friends with other parents, I will care very little to none about how their kid is doing in school and aside from "he is doing well or we are having trouble with such and such, but we are working on it with the teacher" I will not be discussing my kids progress with anyone but my husband or my son's teachers.

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  • Howard's Avatar
    Posted by Howard Tue Jan 13, 2009 7:15am PST

    i will brag about my kids briefly, and in front of them, so they know that I am proud of their accomplishments. Like, someone might make a comment about my daughter and I might respond "I'm so proud of her, she's made High Honor Roll and she's on the Basketball team." If I'm boring someone with that kind of conversation I can sense it and move on, I'm not obsessed....

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  • springtime's Avatar
    Posted by springtime Tue Jan 13, 2009 8:11am PST

    Tell me all about your kid in less than five miutes and then turn it off. And.. I like looking at two or three pictures. Leave the photo album at home.

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  • Rose's Avatar
    Posted by Rose Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:11am PST

    I absolutely do NOT brag about my children.

    I feel that i want other people to discover how wonderful my child is. I hate it when other parents say their kid is great at singing, or an artist, and I hear or see their work, and I cringe inside but keep that smile going!

    Let other people discover how wonderful your children are.

    Side note: But I also believe in this

    "Praise in Public, criticize in public." Tell your children how thoughtful they are for bringing you something or doing a chore on their own or being good in the movie theater. I like to whisper in my kids ears at Church that they are behaving so well.

    But when they are behaving badly, bring them down the hall away from everyone, or we'll take them out of a restaurant and get down on one knee and look them straight in the eye and confront the behavior.

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  • Rose's Avatar
    Posted by Rose Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:27am PST

    oops that was supposed to be

    "Praise in public, criticize in private."

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  • __A_YAHOO_USER__'s Avatar
    Posted by __A_YAHOO_USER__ Tue Jan 13, 2009 10:55am PST

    You know, it's hard having 6 boys - whenever one of them does something wrong, everybody looks at all of them. Also, whenever one of them do something extraordinary (they do it all the time *wink*) noone can figure out which one it is. They are great, though, and I wouldn't trade a moment of my life with my "army"!

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  • fine...whatever...'s Avatar
    Posted by fine...whatever... Wed Jan 14, 2009 6:10am PST

    personally i like to hear the good the bad and the ugly about my friend's kids. but there is a difference in being proud and sharing a story and talking about your child in a way to show you think you are the better parent or has a better child then anyone else.

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  • mommy37's Avatar
    Posted by mommy37 Mon Jan 19, 2009 12:05pm PST

    i talk about my kids constantly! i actually have 2 sets of children. i am oh so proud of them and at the same time disappointed that their lives aren't what i think they should be. i chit chat about them in hopes to get some serious feedback about my trials as mommy! i have an eighteen-year old who is academically brilliant and has no idea what he wants to do. then i have a seventeen-year old daughter on her way to being the first african-american FEMALE president. my ten year old is so talented she will have choices on whatever she wants to do and alas my four year old who only goes for 3 hours a day is not following in the footsteps of liking school, homework,teachers, field trips or anything to do with learning! so please anyone willing to share info please do because i am at wits end trying to figure this one out!

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Comments 11-20 of 21

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