Do you Dread your Delivery Date? 5 Ways to Fight the Fear

From the Community…

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  Posted by Angela Tue Feb 24, 2009 12:36am PST

  Coming from someone's who doesn't have children yet, thanks for this. Lots of my friends have babies, and a few have just had their first, and I really hate the way people, some older women especially, treat pregnant women.

  I was at a Mary Kay party recently with a very pregnant friend, and the Mary Kay lady just could not stop telling my pregnant friend that she was big as a house! Thank goodness my friend was good at telling her to shut up, because I was fuming.

  When I hear these things, and one of the women I work with talking about how badly her daughter is doing right now during her second pregnancy, it really makes me concerned about how I will deal with it all. My best friend did have very difficult pregnancies, but she had serious childhood health problems that came back when she became pregnant. Otherwise, all my friends have remained healthy. I have tried to learn from them, asking questions and offering help whenever I can.

  I have found being around women my age who are pregnant and having children now to be a helpful learning experience for me. As one of my good friends said, "It's not like you find out you're pregnant one day and the next day the baby just hits the ground running; you get the chance to grow together." That really made a lot of sense to me. (Maybe that was a "Duh" kind of statement, but if you're in panic mode, that's the sort of thing you need to hear.)

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  Posted by Lillian Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:25am PST

  I just want to add that even if your first labor and delivery was difficult and scary that doesn't mean your next labor and delivery will be. With my eldest my labor and delivery was awful. I was so panicked to go through that again when I was pregnant with my second. But my second delivery was easy and quick. None of the same complications that occured with my first delivery, happened with my second. So take it as it comes and try not to stress beforehand.

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  Posted by Angela Tue Feb 24, 2009 1:44pm PST

  I watched every tv show and researched every possible problem when I was nearing my due date. I did not want some dr explaining to me that something was wrong and I would be in too much pain to comprehend what was going on. The biggest thing to remember is that everyone is different. For example, A friend(having a boy) and I were both induced three weeks apart(me first). After they broke my water, I had CRAZY pain and got my epidural right away. ( I wanted to give natural a chance until I was in so much pain I couldn't talk...at 3 cm.) My friend said she didn't even know she was in labor until about 7cm when her water broke on it's own and she had a relativly pain free delivery. Yet, she laid in the hospital for two days and I ate at OUtback 26 hours after my daughters birth. It's just different. It is okay to be scared. I sure was. My biggest fear is that my husband(military) wouldn't be there when she was born....and he wasn't. He was stuck in the Atlanta Airport(Thanks Delta) at no fault of his own. Instead of thinking negatively, I thought about the millions of women who gave birth before me. All the women in this war and the countless before had done it without their husbands and I would be fine too. My grandma and my mom held my hand and helped bring my daughter into the world. I had a WONDERFUL nurse-midwife(hit me up if your pregnant in North Fla. She is the one to see.) and and excellent nursing team. After A was born, they asked me if I'd planned on doing it again. I told them "As long as it's like this, I'd give birth everyday." And I honestly would.

  Good Luck!

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  Posted by Charlene Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:11pm PST

  I laid it out for my OB that I did not want drugs, an epidural,to be induced, or most importantly a cesarian. Well, those "birth plans" they have you fill out are ridiculous, they make you think you will be able to control any or all of your birth. Absolutely nothing went right. I was a week overdue, had to be induced, my son tried to come through straight on (didn't deflect his head one way or the other to allow passage through the canal) so the pain was awful (I was moaning and crying). I then proceeded to get an epidural, my pressure dropped, then after oh, 10+ hrs of high doses of pitocin, my cervix started to close back up. So, we went with a cesarian at almost midnight.

  The thing is, we have no control. Women have been doing this through the ages and it goes the way it goes. I have absolute faith in my ob, even though things went so weirdly awry. Stuff just happens, and I had to roll with it. I'm actually hoping to do it again soon, and I have no idea what to expect, even with one child already. All I want out of the deal is a healthy baby. I'm not even worried about how L&D will go, I learned from our son not to have expectations....

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  Posted by allee Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:33am PST

  I was young when I had my twins, and it was awful. I did not know anything. Ended up with a c-section. I wanted to go back and di it over, do it better, and have more knowledge of what would really happen. Thanks to the doc for not preparing me.

  My second pregnancy I knew better. I discussed EVERYTHING with my doc. Including wanting to try natural, but be prepared for another c-section. My water broke at 3am, got to the hospital around 6-7 am. The stupid guy who put in the epidural did it wrong. My entire right side was so numb I had to have nurses turn me over frequently. My entire left side felt everything but intensified. IT was a horrible psychotic torture. All because of the epidural. Throw in the fact that I had a horrible pinched nerve on my left side for the duration of the pregnancy. It just made it worse. And I could not walk right for weeks afterwards.

  Lessons learned. Do not take the doctors crap. Know exactly what you are getting into. And speak up for yourself about what you want and expect. And when the pain gets you, make sure you have a person with you who knows exactly what you want and not afraid to speak up on your behalf.

  Will I do it again after having TWO bad experiences?? Maybe. It just depends on if we even can get pregnant again.

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  Posted by Linda W Wed Feb 25, 2009 9:58am PST

  I have to admit that I had some fear with my first child. So I took a class for labor and delivery and it helped somewhat...Planning your childbirth is the key to overcoming the fears. Make sure you have a coach with you who can help comfort you as much as possible...and be prepared mentally. concentrate once you are in labor with breathing exercises. If labor is too painful, be willing to take pain medicines. I took tylenol when I was in labor until I made it to the hospital and then opted for a drug free delivery...I had 9 hours of labor and it wasn't so bad. But everyone is different...It depends on the person and there pain tolerance. good luck to you delivering you first child...It's so wonderful...

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  Posted by artsy girl Wed Feb 25, 2009 4:36pm PST

  I had a baby about 4 mos ago, and I can honestly say that it wasn't that bad. My labor was about 23 hrs (including 1hr of pushing), and I didn't ask for the epidural until I was 14hrs in... sure, it hurt, and I was uncomfortable (ok, kinda miserable), but the needle seemed more painful up until that point. I just kept reminding myself (starting about a month or two before D-Day, and continuing through labor) that it was only going to be one day, one measly 24hr period (at most) out of my life. I have to admit, though, once I did get the epidural, I was a much happier camper! I felt nothing (except when her shoulder was hitting my tailbone near the end there), had absolutely no problems with it, and was able to walk within minutes of having the epidural catheter removed from my back after she was out (and I was given a booster about an hour before I began pushing). But as others have said, everyone has their own experiences. I went in with no expectations except for a few wants/don't wants in my head, and I understood that I had to remain flexible and just go with the flow, and I believe that really made my labor go a lot smoother.

  The first two weeks after birth, now that was hell and a half... really sore + no sleep = not a very happy mommy. Once the soreness went away, things improved a little, and then when she started sleeping for more than 2 hrs at a time, life got much much better :). Do yourself a favor though... at some point in that last month, ask your doc about colace for post-partum.

  Good luck!!!

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  Posted by Beth Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:29pm PST

  Yes, arm yourself with all the knowledge you can get your hands on. And, for so many women, it's not as bad as they had feared it would be.

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  Posted by Candace Fri Feb 27, 2009 7:44pm PST

  I agree with Beth- knowledge is the key to overcoming the fear of the unknown. We have five children with our oldest 25 and our youngest 2. I have seen the trend change from doing whatever your told to being your own advocate. I really have tried to enjoy each birth knowing that it is one of the most awesome privleges that a woman has. We are the only ones that can bring forth that baby. I have always tried to see myself working with the baby instead of seeing the baby as the source of pain. Yes, it hurts but it is a hurt that is managable and brings forth amazing results!!!

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  Posted by Lisa Fri Mar 6, 2009 9:24pm PST

  Beth said it right. Read everything you can, it won't prepare you for the teenage years, but it will help you know what to expect when giving birth. I had my twins by C-section, I had a wonderful doctor and staff. She explained everything, having children of her own, she know what I was going to ask before I actually did. Having a great doctor who cares is also key to a great delivery.

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