Parenting

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Don't Let Jon and Kate Teach Your Kids About Divorce

In a perfect world, you'd probably never have to talk to your kids about Jon and Kate Gosselin's pending
divorce. But since they dragged their eight children into their 15-seconds-of-fame reality show, viewers now face a decision about what to say to their own kids about what happens to families when marriages end. I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that few will hold the Gosselins up as role models. But this is what our kids are seeing. They see it on TV, online, on magazine covers. While they know that "reality" shows aren't so "real," these shows still have a real impact. So how do we make sure that "reality" shows don't shape our own kids' impressions?

The answer lies in making sure that we have a talk with our kids so that they hear our own messages about life, not just the media's. For example, with Jon and Kate, it's important that we remind our kids that this is just a show, and it only reflects one family's reality. In fact, every family is different, and each has different circumstances, experiences, and values when it comes to ending marriages. Whatever else they are, reality show meltdowns like the Jon and Kate divorce do provide teachable moments. Maybe they're ones you'd rather not address, but if you don't, you're letting your kids learn from TV personalities instead (probably not a good idea). Instead, why not do the following:

- Talk to your kids about how unreal reality shows are. They may not be scripted, but ask kids how they'd act with a camera in their faces 24/7. Also talk about the fact they're only seeing one hour out of 24. What got left out? Could an incident look totally different if different material was included?

- As far as Jon and Kate go, ask your kids what they know about or think of divorce. If your kids are watching the show, they should be old enough to have some opinions or experience on the subject.

- If your family has been through a divorce, talking with your kids about what they think will happen to the Gosselin kids could be very revealing -- and lead to some great discussions.

- Impress on your kids that every family is different, with different experiences and reasons for divorce. And, by all means, pass along your own personal feelings and wisdom on the topic.

For more parent tips visit CommonSenseMedia.org

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 20
  • Mrs. Robinson's Avatar
    Posted by Mrs. Robinson Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:32pm PDT

    Excuse me, Common Sense Media? Maybe you should tell your kids that people like you, the media are the reason why these people are getting divorced, because of your overbearing stranglehold and stalking of them and their kids. When will the media get a clue?

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  • Jen Singer's Avatar
    Posted by Jen Singer Mon Jun 29, 2009 1:25pm PDT

    Thanks, Common Sense Media. I always turn to you when I want to get the real scoop on whether a show, movie or a book is appropriate for my kids. Thanks to you, I knew that the new Transformers movie might be too violent for my kids. And I always check your site before my kids borrow a book in the library.

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  • DCFC's Avatar
    Posted by DCFC Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:49pm PDT

    I am so sick of hearing about Jon and Kate.

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  • Rachel's Avatar
    Posted by Rachel Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:58pm PDT

    i think the media should back off for a little bit and let them have thier time!! and no matter what they both love their kids and are thinking of the best for them!! is it relly better to stay together for the kids when the know mommy and daddy arent happy????

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  • Susan's Avatar
    Posted by Susan Tue Jun 30, 2009 6:39am PDT

    "Don't let Jon and Kate Teach Your Kids About Divorce"? Why not? Divorce is divorce. They obviously don't get along, and so they are getting divorced. I think it's a good way to teach kids about divorce - the parents don't get along any more, there is too much stress, they are bitter toward each other, it's best to separate, but they both are still committed to the kids, etc. I just don't see how it is a bad way to teach anyone about divorce. Especially if the family is actually going through a divorce - the kids might feel they are not alone as kids of divorced parents and feel they can relate to the bunch of kids on TV. What's wrong with that?

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  • ?'s Avatar
    Posted by ? Tue Jun 30, 2009 9:49am PDT

    If there is no physical abuse then the parents needs to grow up, stop arguing in front of the kids, put on a happy face and stay together. The divorce rate is to high and it is way to easy to get a divorce. People think oh well, we don't get a along and marriage is sooooooooo much harder than I thought, I will just get a divorce and move on with my life, you make a commitment, you need to honor it.

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  • BASHANDY's Avatar
    Posted by BASHANDY Tue Jun 30, 2009 10:09am PDT

    انا بيرو من المنيا

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  • BASHANDY's Avatar
    Posted by BASHANDY Tue Jun 30, 2009 10:10am PDT

    انا بيرو من المنيا

    Report Abuse
  • Carol's Avatar
    Posted by Carol Tue Jun 30, 2009 10:27am PDT

    I watch Jon and Kate plus 8 all the time. I watched it last night (6-29-09) I loved that show but I bet God felt like he had been slapped in the face when he realized he had given 8 beautiful, healthy babies to a couple that he felt that would be able to raise them in a happy home. I can not stand people that call themselves parents and then not be able to work out their selfish ways. Jon it is all about you, now after 10 years you have decided you need a break, shame on you. If Kate is the mother she protrays on TV she is the best mother, she did everything for you, all you had to do was follow directions it was all done for you, you didnt even have to think. The only thing Kate did was to do all of the work herself and not dump it on you. You don't even know how lucky you were. I hope you realize what you have thrown away. Jon I hope you miss them like you would miss both of your arms. Jon all you deserve now is a lazy woman that does nothing but mess up and spends your money on herself.

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  • Jenn's Avatar
    Posted by Jenn Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:22am PDT

    This was a great article. You don't want a show to teach your kids about life’s issues, but there's not harm in using it as a tool to engage in conversation. You make a very valid point when you call out that your kids, and the rest of the viewers are still missing 23 hours of every day a show is filmed; actually, it's less then that when you take out the commercials. People forget that and really think they know the people they see on tv.

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