It's heart-wrenching to me. I just want to watch my boy snack
on a sunny afternoon forever.
I went back to work today, this time for three months of 9-5 office
life. We've pieced together a jigsaw puzzle of childcare
(thanks Mom and Dad!) and today Leo and Aaron left before me. I
washed the dishes, tried to wear something nicer than a jean skirt,
then gave up, and left for Midtown with a spring in my step.
I feel truly ready for this gig. Leo's old enough to manage
with childcare all day, he's weaned so I'm not distracted
by the breast pump anymore, and in general I feel able to focus and
do adult work. Maybe it's because Leo stopped nursing—pretty
much just lost interest—that my body feels like my own, and with
it, my mind, and, in some ways, my life. I feel like I can think
about myself again, and pursue outside interests.
I got ready for work by cooking a bunch too. A high school friend
of mine who lives overseas came for dinner last weekend, and to
celebrate the holiday weekend, we grilled steaks and served them
with grain
salad (I added corn, used chives in place of
scallions, subtracted the bell pepper and green beans), green
salad, and ratatouille.
I made mountains of everything, so we could take grain salad for
our lunches and freeze ratatouille for later meals (it's great
with fish, chicken, meat, polenta, rice, eggs…).
I also prepared some meals for Leo in containers, including
tortellini with some of the green beans and summer squash from the
ratatouille. He’s into edamame this week, so I steamed a bunch. And
he still loves steamed kohlrabi, though at heart he’s a dairy and
pasta boy.
Our
diet is going well. We're shocked by how
many opportunities come up where we would ordinarily have bought
ourselves a treat—a tasty street snack, a cold, sugary drink, lunch
out because we ran out of ideas…and now we resist. We're only
sort of kidding when I lie on the couch after dinner saying I'm
hungry and Aaron says “oh, sweety, would you like an ice cube?”
Sort of, but then I sit there and slurp away at some ice for
"dessert."
I'm right on track. Sticking to my diet. Settling in at work,
with a stocked fridge at home, a childcare plan, a supportive
husband, and more physical and mental energy than I've had in a
long time. And at the end of Day One, I'm lying here watching
the Leo snack cup video, thinking about how much I'm going to
miss. I know, we can’t have it all. But I may need to drown my
sorrows in a tall glass of seltzer.
Originally published in Mom Apetit, Zoe Singer's recipe and new-mom blog on FitPregnancy.com
