Finding your kid's first love letters

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  Posted by Shayna Mon Aug 18, 2008 10:41am PDT

  OH! Been there done that. I can't tell you how many of my little love letters that my mother has found. She jumped to conclusions about me that were untrue. Talking, listening and compromise is key. Trust me your child will open up to you about so much more then they would have before. Like KB had said, the relationship will change and not for the better. No, i'm not trying to sound mean, but it's true. Learning how to handle the situation before it comes.

  Good, Luck ;]

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  Posted by Sheelah N Mon Aug 18, 2008 1:26pm PDT

  I found one written to my daughter and it was the cutest ever. I saved it and I'll whip it out at an opportune time.

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  Posted by ahe79 Mon Aug 18, 2008 1:28pm PDT

  I am pro reading notes. Would I have been embarrassed as a kid? Heck yeah! But I am a mom now and understand why they would have felt the need to. Kids today don't stay kids for long, unfortunately. They see and hear things I never knew about even as a 20 year old! I have 2 teenage stepsons, and have found a note from a 13 yr. old girl to one of them. She was talking about showing him her new bra the next day on the bus, and talking about she wants "topsies" when he comes over, asking about a condom, etc. CRAZZZY! THIRTEEN!

  I feel that privacy is limited when your kids live with you. As a parent, until they are 18/graduated, you are in charge of your kids. You have to pay, literally sometimes, for their mistakes, (i.e. If a baby comes, who is responsible for the cost of whatever decision is made? If they vandalize something and damages are owed, who foots the bill? If they are truant from school, who can go to jail?) so you have a right to find out what they are up to. That thin boundary is what will nudge them to prepare themselves to fly from the nest when it is time.

  Kids will buck the system whether you are vigilant or not. That doesn't mean we should stop being parents. We aren't supposed to be cool. In fact, isn't that an unwritten law somewhere you HAVE to be totally dorky and "mean" to be a parent? We can be friends later. As much as I didn't get along with my mom as a teen (i.e. I hate you and wish you'd just go away!), she is the 1st person I turn to for most things now!

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  Posted by jessicatastrophe_70x7 Mon Aug 18, 2008 2:55pm PDT

  oh lord, i have a shoebox FULL of letters from my boyfriend, and it grows more each week. i would DIE if my parents found those....yeesh.

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  Posted by Angela Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:20pm PDT

  I find it alarming that so many of you have no problem at all invading the privacy of your children. This only fosters feelings of distrust and encourages lying.

  I started keeping a journal at age 9. I felt safe leaving my diaries on my bookcase, because privacy was respected in my home. My parents talked with us about everything from what we saw on tv to what went on at school to who our friends were and what we did with them. My parents trusted me, and I trusted them. I never had any fear that they were going through my things.

  My best friend, on the other hand, always wanted to keep a diary, but never ever did because her parents searched her room on a daily basis. They looked for everything and anything she might consider personal or special, and insisted she was doing things she never was. She had no privacy at all. Her older brothers, however, lived with no rules. She moved out at age 18, BEFORE she graduated high school, and left the state upon graduation.

  I wonder how many of you would feel that it would be equally "harmless" if your children went snooping through your private things? I suggest your prepare yourselves, because that's the type of behavior you're encouraging.

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  Posted by KB Mon Aug 18, 2008 4:25pm PDT

  haha thx Angela, You want a realtionship with your kids you know you can trust just like we want a relationship with our parents we know we can trust. If theres no trust than theres no relationship. *****note to teens***** AVOIDING BRINGING THE NOTES HOME!!!!!! i know you want to keep them but if your parents find them, guess what, they're keeping them! lol ;) Overall just dont do anything you dont want tor parents to find out. PARENTS KNOW EVERYTHING!!!!!!

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  Posted by mic Mon Aug 18, 2008 6:23pm PDT

  Im a mother of 5, 4 of them girls.I understand that they will have crushs and I don't sugercoat nothing.You can't not to day kids growup to fast.You try to help them make good choices because you love them.

  That the world is bad and don't let people infulence them to do the wrong things.I we can't always keep them from being hurt.But my thougt on Love Notes are open doors for them to do wrong as parents we are suppoed to be aware of these things.I know we all had them but they cause problems .And as a parents if you think when you get in there bisness it's wrong no it isn't you are the parent.Today everything is about SEX.I don't know about any of you but I don't want to be one of those taking care of there kid,kid .

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  Posted by mic Mon Aug 18, 2008 6:23pm PDT

  Im a mother of 5, 4 of them girls.I understand that they will have crushs and I don't sugercoat nothing.You can't not to day kids growup to fast.You try to help them make good choices because you love them.

  That the world is bad and don't let people infulence them to do the wrong things.I we can't always keep them from being hurt.But my thougt on Love Notes are open doors for them to do wrong as parents we are suppoed to be aware of these things.I know we all had them but they cause problems .And as a parents if you think when you get in there bisness it's wrong no it isn't you are the parent.Today everything is about SEX.I don't know about any of you but I don't want to be one of those taking care of there kid,kid .

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  Posted by fun_n_games_101 Tue Aug 19, 2008 12:39am PDT

  When i was growing up my parents respected my privacy and luckily i turned out alright. I have 3 sons now and have always talked to them about everything in their lives. My oldest (now 13) got his first "love letters" in the 6th grade and showed them to me when he got home from school. I admit I was surprised that he did. His friend who was with him asked him as they were walking away why he showed them to me. My son said "Why wouldn't I ? I can tell her anything good or bad and we work it out. " It's much better to have them come to you with things and know they can than to have to go through their things. Another thing I think helps is to know all of their friends and open your home to them ...When they are at my house I know what they are doing. Sometimes I feel like I have 10 kids but it's worth it.

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  Posted by Erin M Tue Aug 19, 2008 4:50am PDT

  Angela: In our world today, I think it is wise for parents to read any notes that they may find. Why? Well, for a lot of reasons.

  1) The note may be harmless. Just a note between friends. No harm was done.

  2) CHILDREN are having sex. You do realize that twelve and thirteen year olds have been caught having sex/trying to have sex in school, etc, don't you? Do you honestly think that this is okay? If a parent were to find some sort of indication that their child was going to participate in these activities, they should stop them. Also, please don't say, "Well, the parents should have raised them better," because it's common knowledge that the media has corrupted our world and our youth. Kids are impressionable, and even if you think they should, they do not always understand everything and know the difference between right and wrong.

  3) Kids are not on the same level as adults. Sorry, but it's true. The average pre-teen/teenager has a severe lack of experience and worldly knowledge: many kids are also very rebellious. Since kids aren't on the same level (yes, all people are people, but when you're a kid, you just have to suck it up and deal with the fact that you're not a freakin' adult yet), their parents are the best people to know what's going on in their life.

  4) A parent reading a child's notes isn't scarring. What do you think, that all kids are fragile as all get-out? Give me a break: live and learn.

  I have no children. I am twenty-two years old, so just a few years ago I was still at home, a child. If someone who was so recently a child can understand these simple concepts, why can't you?

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