Parenting

Monday, November 30, 2009

How Far Does The Apple Fall? Seeing Your Worst Traits In Your Kids.

by Risa Green (Tales from the Mommy Track)
Remember when your parents used to say things to you like, someday, I hope you have a child that’s exactly like you? Well, I did. And one of the most difficult things about parenthood, for me, is having to put up with my own worst qualities on a daily basis. My son, while a sweet, warm, wonderful kid, somehow managed to inherit every single quality of mine that I have always regretted having. He’s overly cautious. He’s a homebody. He’s a stickler for routine, and uncomfortable in new situations. He doesn’t deal well with change. Fun stuff, especially in a four year-old.

I have often said that if I weren’t married to my husband, I would probably never leave the house. My husband is the one who keeps our social calendar, who makes plans with other couples, who chats on the phone with my girlfriends. If not for him, I would be a total hermit. It’s not that I don’t like going out – once I actually get somewhere, I tend to have fun – it’s just that it’s easier to stay home, and besides, I like being home. Which is okay, I think, for an adult. Because as an adult, I intellectually understand that I am just being lazy, and that if my husband is willing to make the plans, then I am willing to go along with them. But in a four year-old, this quality is not wonderful. In a four year-old, this is what happens when you try to go somewhere:

Me: Why don’t we get out of here and go somewhere? We could go to the zoo, or to the Natural History Museum, or the park…

My daughter: Yeah! I want to go to the zoo!

My son (not even looking up from playing with his Power Rangers): Nah.

Me: Come on, you can play with those any time. Let’s go somewhere.

My son: No, fank you. I just want to stay home.

It’s hard, because as a parent, I know that I should make him go out and do things. But as a person with similar inclinations, I totally get it.

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--
Risa Green, author of Tales from the Mommy Track on MommyTrackd.com, lives in Los Angeles. In the last four years, she has produced two children, called Harper and Davis, and two novels, called Notes from the Underbelly and Tales from the Crib. She is currently working on a third (novel not child).
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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 24
  • Tally's Avatar
    Posted by Tally Wed Jul 1, 2009 6:19am PDT

    lol my mom used 2 say the same thing about me. 'you inhirited everything i dont like about myself.' as a kid i thought that ment she didn't like me cuz i was like her. now i had realize that she was afraid i would end up like 2 much like her and follow in her footsteps instead of creating my own. she didn't like hearing the same things coming out of my mouth that went out of hers at every age, then she got stuck in trying 2 help me by what she learned the hard way and letting me learn the hard way. after i realized that she wasnt angry at me for bein like her, i learned 2 be alot more like myself.

    maybe instead of being worried about how much he is like you, you should celabrate all the things he differs from you. like maybe if he mentions something he likes...embrace it and let it take him places only he can go (that goes for ur daughter as well). and if he has a problem that your familier with, help him out the best you can from your own experinces but let him make the final choice on what to do.

    sorry if this isnt much help. i dont really have a clue on wat to do. your doing a good job though.

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  • *devotion72's Avatar
    Posted by *devotion72 Wed Jul 1, 2009 7:28am PDT

    My son use to be that way. Not just about being at home but eating different foods too! I would have to tell him to come on and we are leaving. I know he would try not to go but he would have a good time once he was there. You have to motivate him and get him to see the good side of the picture. Now my son hates to be at home and loves going to different places! When I want to relax at home...my son motivates me to get out of the house; even for just a walk around the block!

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  • J.J.M.'s Avatar
    Posted by J.J.M. Wed Jul 1, 2009 8:13am PDT

    I'm a homebody myself. If not for work, I'd probably spend 75% of all my time at home.

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  • rockin' mom's Avatar
    Posted by rockin' mom Wed Jul 1, 2009 9:32am PDT

    My daughter is my clone. Seriously. Looks, actions, attitude...she has it all. Lord help me when she turns 14.....

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  • Mo B's Avatar
    Posted by Mo B Wed Jul 1, 2009 10:56am PDT

    Not only does my daughter look just like me, for the most part her personality is just like mine. Some of parts of my personality that she has I appreciate and there things that I like about myself. But at the sametime I can see all the frustration that comes with being a confident, independant, and free thinking 5 year old as if I was living through it again. We also often buttheads and I think I give in way to often because I remember being her. There are reasons why I like having a little clone of myself, I can relate which makes parenting so much easier but I also want her to be her own person and that can be hard with everyone in her life constantly telling her that she looks and acts just like me.

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  • sunny's Avatar
    Posted by sunny Wed Jul 1, 2009 11:49am PDT

    Sounds very familiar to me. I see a lot of myself in my daughter which is scary but I do my best to teach her what is right and wrong. But I wonder if she absorbs my ways because she is always with me aside from school or was it genetically passed down to her? Hmm?

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  • CrystalA's Avatar
    Posted by CrystalA Wed Jul 1, 2009 2:05pm PDT

    haha im afraid of how my children will come out! my mother used to always say ur worse now but wait til u have kids, they'll be 10x worse!!! thats a scary thought haha!

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  • starfedra's Avatar
    Posted by starfedra Wed Jul 1, 2009 3:01pm PDT

    Ok, How about if you were a pretty easy to parent child but your spouse was the one who drove his mom crazy and you get his mini-me?? how about you having to deal with your husband's worst traits in your child? LOL Well, I see your point here but sometimes is even worse when those not so good traits are not even yours.. Patience and a ton of love for these ones...

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  • Naila's Avatar
    Posted by Naila Wed Jul 1, 2009 3:08pm PDT

    WE've all heard, wait till you have your kids. I dont have any of my own, but raised a brother whose 15 years younger. We're a family of 5 kids. What you see as a not so good trait right now, you might be surprized. He's only 4!! :) leave him as is. He'll grow out of it. I know i did. I was a lamb. U leave me in a corner facing the wall, u come back a day later, i will be in the corner still facing the wall. :) that was me when i was 4. I'm 29 now. Though i am home body, i get everything done. My other 4 siblings love travelling, but guess who travels the most. My siblings love doing crazy stunts, but guess who ends up doing the most crazy things. :) Kids grow up in a very interesting way. One day they are introverts, other day, they are conquering the world. Enjoy his homely nature now, cuz once they grow up, like my mom says, she longs to see her kids. Except for the 14 year old, who is home now, but only till he starts college. we all make plans to come home as much as we can together, but i have three siblings that are married, and each got 2 kids. Its a rainbow of children.. all different yet all so alike. :) ENJOY HIM WHILE HE'S STILL HOLDING ON TO YOU. Once he's out and about, doing great things, you'll remember these days. :) Every parent's fear... what if he's like me? i say.. GOOD... WE'LL HAVE MORE SANE CHILDREN THEN! hehe. Happy Parenting.

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  • Myeisha's Avatar
    Posted by Myeisha Thu Jul 2, 2009 7:39am PDT

    It's true of course like you said about the kids inherting traits from their parents. I inherted a trait from my mom which is that I always speak my mind but in doing so I try not to hurt people feelings. Another trait is I always come to a person and say sorry just to keep the peace even if I did nothing wrong. I can't help it I'm a peace maker just like my mom. I also inherted a trait of my own and that's helping people which now that I think about that trait's from my mom too. We are always helping someone whether it be do extra things on our job that we don't have to do but still do. Or just walking down the street and seeing someone who needs help with their bags. The last trait I got from my mom is that I love going out although I do love staying home watching tv, blogging or just reading a book I still going out. I think at the age of 21 I could go out a little more and explore the world but I never really like going too far from home.

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