Parenting
Friday, December 4, 2009
How to tell if your daughter is too worried about being "perfect"
partner
The curse of the good girl
can be stressful on teenage girls as the media plays into their
desire to be perceived a certain way. A good girl may have tons of
friends, but can also be a people pleaser, doing what others want
to keep the peace in her friendship. She doesn’t get angry, but she
holds everything effortlessly right, so when she inevitably makes a
mistake, she reacts poorly. As seen on popular shows like Gossip
Girl and 90210, classmates police behavior, punishing any “social
violators” with gossip and dirty looks. And due to the ubiquity of
cell phones, it can seem like everyone’s watching—bad behavior can
easily be captured or texted to friends with the click of a
button.
Top Tips for Zapping School Stress.
It’s important to be aware of your daughter’s behavior, to ensure
her desire to be “good” is not affecting her life in more
threatening ways. These common actions often exhibited by teenage
girls may be a reflection of the stress to be constantly
perfect:
- To avoid confrontation, some teenage girls develop eating
disorders, cut themselves, or become depressed. It may be an
expression of anger from imperfections or often stems from thoughts
that their family will reject or punish them if they show feelings
of sadness or anger after failing or if they are unhappy with a
situation at-home. Make sure you keep the lines of communication
open!
- Holding back true feelings can make even the closest
relationships feel false and insecure. Using common terms like “No
offense,” and “Just kidding,” teens are never quite sure whom they
can trust or if someone is really joking. As a result, girls
can become less and less skilled at speaking their truth in
relationships.
- Drinking can also become a dangerous outlet for many good
girls. The phrase, “I was so wasted” is often used to excuse
less-than-perfect behavior. The alcohol offsets their needs to
ensure their actions are always good.
If you notice your daughter trying to succeed to the point where
she is stressed out, it’s important to re-enforce the notion that
no one is perfect, and even those who come very close still have
their flaws. It’s what makes us human!
Related:
Where Teens Should Draw the Line When it Comes to Friendships with
Adults
More from Teen Vogue:
Related: school stress, eating disorders
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Posted by Rebekah Fri Oct 9, 2009 6:32am PDT
Nice tips. "Perfect" girls (and boys) are often so good at hiding their problems that people don't realize they have any. They can be falling apart on the inside, and no one even realizes it. That's why open communication is so important in a family--they need to know they can talk to someone, and that they are loved unconditionally.
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Posted by classicalmuzclovr Fri Oct 9, 2009 8:44am PDT
First things first...
I'm pretty sure shows like "Gossip Girl" are not helping the issue.
I would Never let my daughter watch this trash....
And oddly enough, no she doesn't have issues with trying to be too perfect.
Go figure....
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Posted by miss my family Fri Oct 9, 2009 3:56pm PDT
That's why I will watch anything before my child watches and not let her watch shows that are only featuring perfect girls or girls who are normal that have a "make-over" and suddenly look perfect. Also they (my kids) will not be wearing skirts or shorts above the knee (depending on the shorts they can be a little shorter than that so long as it's at least half way to the knee I'm fine) or have cleavage bearing shirts. They will also not be wearing makeup until they are 16. So this and the fact that we will always instill in them that God made them look the way they look so they shouldn't try to change should help with ALOT of these issues.
Obviously you can't guarantee that they wont have these issues but that will help a lot. No one is 100% happy with their body but I have noticed that those who wear makeup or have plastic surgery still tend to point out something wrong with there body. Why? Because no matter what you do you are never going to have a "perfect" body. So you might as well accept that it's your body and not dwell on your "shortcomings". That's what I'm going to teach my kids. So hopefully they understand that there is nothing wrong with them.
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Posted by Stephanie Wed Oct 14, 2009 3:36am PDT
Geez missmyfamily..what a generalization. Not everyone who wears makeup thinks their body has lots of flaws. I wear makeup all the time and I'm really secure with how I look..I just like makeup.
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