Our segment covered "Applying To College", and we were to discuss how the entire college application process has left Katie not sure why she is expected to know what she is going to do with her life at age 17 and me not sure why this isn't as exciting as I thought it was going to be. Weren't we supposed to be going on mother-daughter weekends to footballs games while visiting college towns across the country?
As we sat in the front row, waiting for our turn with the good doctor, we listened to a story about a mom who pushed her 10-year old daughter to twirl her baton and compete in pageants even though the little girl didn't want to anymore and the family was near bankruptcy. Turns out, as Dr. Phil cleverly led us all to see, it was the mom who really wanted to be a baton twirler and never reached her own dream of drill team. As a result, the mom was pushing her daughter to achieve for her. (I made a note to myself that I didn't care if Katie twirled a baton or not, so I was safe.)
The next story was about a dad who injected his 12-year old son with steroids in order for the son to win competitions and Daddy Dearest is currently serving prison time. The son is now 20 years old and seems like he's had a rough time putting his life back together. (I made another note to myself that I was doing ok since I've never injected Katie with anything. Jeez, I can't even get her to take vitamins.)
As the show neared our segment, I started to worry about what kind of deep horrible secret Dr. Phil was going to pull out about me. I could hear him say his famous "How's that working for you?" or "You've got to have a clear agenda in order to be an effective parent." I could feel my palms starting to sweat. I really wanted to throw up.
And then the cameras turned on us...
Dr. Phil asked Katie what was going on with college and she said in her mature, poised, matter-of-fact way that she felt there is too much pressure on kids today to make decisions about their lives at age 17 and that too many parents aren't letting kids explore options. He asked Katie what other things she was thinking about doing instead of going right into college. Now I was confident that she wasn't going to say "make hemp bracelets and hang-out at the beach all day", but I was moderately curious about what was going to pop out of her mouth in that nano-second. I could feel the sigh of relief when she said she'd like to explore a gap year or return to Africa to do more community service (yes, see, no hemp bracelets). I smiled thinking that this kid is good. She's a natural on camera, in front of an audience. She should really have her own show.
I was beaming until I realized the attention had turned to me. Oh, right. What's my problem?
Katie seems like "an exemplary young teenager", according to Phil. As I yammered on about god only knows what, Dr. Phil looked me in the eyes and told me exactly what my problem was. He quoted leading educators and their studies that show how kids who take a gap year actually do better in college than those who go right into college. He said that he bets I'm afraid that if she doesn't go right into school, she won't go at all. Sounded good to me, so I said "Yep. That's exactly what is wrong." I had seen how he brought the baton twirling mom to her own awakening and I wasn't ready for that kind of come-to-Jesus moment on national television, so I agreed. Why bring up family expectations or the lack of future jobs for these kids or, dare I say, foreign talent competition. Nope. I stuck to his story.
And then the worst thing of all happened. I kept talking. I couldn't shut up. I went on to say how sad I was that Katie was leaving home and how maybe my not wanting her to go is a problem and what is really holding her back AND THEN I STARTED TO CRY. Katie was horrified and I could sense the shock and disgust as she watched me choke up right then and there on Dr. Phil about her leaving home. After the show, we sat in stony silence as we were driven back to the hotel in our big, black studio car. I knew she hated me and I was still reeling from my big reveal. Dr. Phil is good. He found the hole in the dam and I didn't even know there was one. I finally told her I'd take her to Fred Segal or Robertson Ave for a little shopping before our flight and that seemed to finally break the ice.
Oh well. Now my secret is out: I'm a mom that is having trouble letting go and the real reason I'm stressing out about my daughter not going away to college is that I'll selfishly be thrilled to have her home and with me for another year or two. And truth be told, she is really talented at making jewelry and I bet she'd make one heck of a hemp bracelet!
