So as her friend, I of course have access to her profile. And her wall. And her pictures. Ahhh. The pictures.
Let me set the scene - my daughter has just started her freshman year at college 3000 miles away from home, so technology is keeping us connected. We email, we text, we video chat. And I, at least lately, have quelled my bursts of missing her with a few quick glances at the gallery of her new life on Facebook. Oh my.
Last night, I clicked and clicked through almost 50 pictures. Needless to say, the dorm room I left only one short month ago was unrecognizeable - the bed I'd carefully made and fluffed with her childhood pillows and stuffed animals was constantly covered by a tangle of bodies. The desk I'd set up with organizers just so - was covered with more bodies and of course, the requisite collection of beer bottles and Cheezits and God knows what else. Then came the party pics - some revealing a smiling girl I knew well (I could see her retainer gleaming and her dimples); others showing a woman I'd only met a few times recently - a black bra barely covered by a sheer shirt, a familiar skirt shorter than I remember. I knew I should sign out and go to sleep, but I didn't.
Here's the question - even though we are technically "friends" and her Facebook is indeed an open book - am I violating her privacy by looking? Just because I can, does that mean I should? Am I snooping and spying? Is this the modern equivalent of reading her diary?
I know for a fact that if the tables were turned, I would be MORTIFIED if my mother had a front row seat to my college antics. But then again, I wasn't putting up my antics on the world wide web for all to see. I'm sure she knew what was going on but didn't have the evidence to look at over and over again, wondering as I do, "Are those kids drunk or sleeping? and Are they really dressed like that or are they at a costume party?"
I realize I'm not alone as I navigate this new frontier of transparency vs. privacy. It's no longer clear if we're invited in (and should enter) or if the door has just been left open and we should know better to simply walk away. To this point, part of me wonders if my daughter wants me to see this behind the scenes look at her life - a way to say, "see mom, I'm a grown up now." That same part of me wonders if I want her to read this, so she can make the decision for both of us and cut me off.
I guess I'll know the answer next time I log in. Worst case, we're no longer Facebook friends. But at least she'll always be my daughter.
