Photo: In Touch Magazine
By Sittercity.com
Looks like Kate Gosselin is in the news again. This time, it's for getting caught on camera spanking her daughter, Leah.
Apparently, Leah kept blowing a whistle while Kate was on the phone. Kate lost her temper and smacked the 5-year-old right on the behind.
This is causing a big controversy on the blogs, but rather than getting lost in the debate, we want to use the firestorm to bring attention to the idea of discipline and how it relates to babysitters and nannies...
SETTING EXPECTATIONS WITH YOUR CAREGIVER
As we've said on Sittercity.com before, a caregiver's job is to care for children by following the same family rules that Mom and Dad implement in order to keep the consistency. Different families have different rules, so it’s important to choose a babysitter or nanny that is able to adapt.
During the caregiver hiring process, look for indications that potential sitters are flexible and comfortable with this adaptability. During the interview process, ask behavioral questions such as, “What would you do if a child refused to go to sleep at bedtime?” and, “What is the most challenging part of child care?”
Don’t forget to check sitters’ references and get their thoughts as well. Ask these references open-ended questions rather than ones that elicit and yes-or-no response, and don’t be afraid to be direct.
WHY CHILDREN MISBEHAVE
In order to encourage sitters to follow certain discipline styles, it helps for both of you to understand why children misbehave.
- Trying to gain control. Being told what to do all the time by adults (including being told to stay home with a babysitter) can leave some children feeling powerless, so they try to exert control by disobeying and making up their own rules.
- Needing attention. If they haven't been getting positive reinforcement, some children act poorly because it gets them more attention and more of a reaction from adults.
- Low self esteem. Some children misbehave to keep adults from expecting anything from them or will act badly because they think they are bad.
To combat bad behavior, you should encourage babysitters and nannies to always been on the lookout for good behavior and actions that they can praise. Providing positive reinforcement and attention helps motivate the child to behave better to earn those "rewards."
TYPES OF CONSEQUENCES
Again, different families have different discipline preferences -- but not all of them are appropriate for sitters. Spanking, for example, should never be implemented by a caregiver. Instead, use this list of common discipline tactics and consequences to choose an appropriate approach for your caregiver.
Logical Consequences
Consequences that are controlled/engineered by a babysitter or parent
Example: If a child runs into the street, he is no longer allowed to play outside.
Tips: The sitter should be able to remain calm, but state the consequences firmly. He or she also must be prepared to follow through on the consequences immediately.
Withholding Privileges
Telling the child that he will have to give up something he likes as a consequence of his actions
Example: If a child keeps throwing toys at the TV, he is not allowed to watch his favorite show that day.
Tips: Tell caregiver not to take away something the child actually needs (like a meal) and to also make sure this consequence is implemented immediately after the bad behavior.
Time-Outs
Isolating the child for a certain period of time as punishment for bad behavior
Tips: Be specific! Tell the caregiver to give the child a time-out period of 1 minute for each year of his age. (So, a 4-year-old would have a four-minute time-out.)
CONFLICTS BETWEEN BABYSITTERS & CHILDREN
As many babysitters and nannies know, children may innocently test their caregivers to see what they can get away with. In these cases, most sitters know what to expect and how to resolve it without having to implement negative consequences. Instead, they’ll add dose of lightheartedness to resolve the situation.
Here’s what you should expect from your sitter when he or she is faced with these common tests:
Test 1: The child says he did something he was supposed to do, but it is clear that he didn't.
Example: The child says he washed his hands before lunch, but he did not.
Solution: The babysitter should say, "Oh NO, I still see some spots! Let's wash them again together to make sure we scrub all of that dirt away."
Test 2: The child lies about the rules or tries to get away with something.
Example: The child says he is allowed to have ice cream before dinner.
Solution: The babysitter says, "Let's ask Mom when she gets home just to make sure and if she says yes, then we'll have plenty of ice cream before dinner next time."
Test 3: The child refuses to do something he's supposed to do.
Example: The child won't put on his PJs.
Solution: The babysitter tries to make the activity fun by saying, "But look at how cool those PJs are. I wish I could wear them! How about I time you and see how quickly you can get changed?"
Related:
Reduce Fights Between Siblings
Read More:
Sittercity.com's Child Care Blog
Search for Sitters:
Find the perfect caregiver for your family on Sittercity.com.
