Parenting

Friday, August 29, 2008

Memorial Day Tribute: One Military Mom's Sacrifice

The following was written earlier this year by the Senior Editor of our True Military Wives Confessions site, Michelle Tranchitella, and we wanted to share it with you this Memorial Day weekend in honor of her family's courage and sacrifice.

- True Mom Confessions

***

I woke up Wednesday morning with a great feeling of numbness.  In just a few short hours, my husband would be leaving us once again.  He was headed to a war torn country to do his duty as a Unites States Marine.  My daughters and I took him to base to say our goodbyes, we watched him walk away, tears in our eyes, sadness on our faces but pride in our hearts.  

This is the third trip my husband has made to Iraq.  This is the third time we have had to say goodbye, the third time I have had to explain to our daughters what was going on and the third time I have had to explain to myself what all this craziness was.  Unfortunately, many people have forgotten that we are still saying goodbye.  We still sit by the phone waiting for the phone calls; we still check our email 1000 times a day for that one line email to let us know our loved one is OK.  Life to most people goes on as normal; I wonder if they realize what my life is like.  

It is hard answering questions when they are asked by small children.  It is hard to make them understand that their father is gone, where he is going and why.  My oldest is a “Daddy’s girl” through and through and the deployments are especially hard on her.  She understands that her dad is in Iraq but does not understand why.  No matter how many times she asks me why, I cannot explain it to her so that she understands.  She does know that he will come home and that he loves her.  I make sure that both of our children know this, even this time around.   

I remember when the war first started; the patriotism shown in this country was astounding.  Everywhere one looked there were flags flying, yellow ribbons hanging and pride in our hearts.  Every time we turned around, we were seeing something about Iraq.  On Wednesday, I asked myself where that was now.  Has America forgotten?  Have we forgotten that we are still a nation at war?  

I do not think we have entirely forgotten.  I think we have let the war go by the wayside and we do not tend to think of it as much as we used to.  Life gets in the way of many things and I think what goes on in the Middle East is one of these things.  Thankfully we are in an election year and the war in Iraq is a very hot topic.  There are candidates from each party telling voters what we should do.  Some say we should stay for years to come, some say we should withdraw.  What people do not realize is these decisions and their decisions affect my family more than the average person can imagine.  These decisions determine if my husband will have to leave us yet again or if he will actually be able to stay home for a while and see his daughters grow up.  

I often wonder what goes through the politicians’ heads when they come up with their “plan” for Iraq.  I wonder if some realize the stress and strain that the military is under now and I wonder why they want to add to that.  There are some that seem to have the military AND their families in their best interest and for that, I am thankful.  I think the politicians that go along with this mindset of remembering the stress and remembering the families will be the ones that the military and their families are the most thankful for.  

I have come to realize that it does not matter what happens five years from now, or even one year from now.  We need to remember what is going on today.  We must not forget that there are families being torn apart, loved ones being left behind and children growing up without their mom or dad.  I wish I could see the American flags flying high again like I did six years ago, or see America come together as one like I know that we can.  Instead, life just gets in the way.  People go on, they get busy and sidetracked and tend to brush aside the situations that have been going on and on, just like the wars in the Middle East.  But everyone does not get the chance to have their life go on; for some, this is their reality.

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From the Community…

Comments 1-9 of 9
  • jazzamama4's Avatar
    Posted by jazzamama4 Tue May 27, 2008 9:04am PDT

    i do get how it is being married to an army man and having a child with them my husbends been in for 6 almost 7yrs and is about to go over seas for a year. im happy wiht the fact he is but he wonts to and he loves us so much i have leard how to deal with all this. we have been married for almose a year in septber he will not be here he will be there.being married to im army man u have to be stonrg u have to know in your hart that he loves you and that if he is happy be there for him dont turn your back on them.

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  • Daz's Avatar
    Posted by Daz Wed May 28, 2008 10:14am PDT

    First let me say that i agree with the part of Where is the public support? maybe not of the cause but at least the people.

    Now the part that some folks are not going to like:

    I was raised a military brat and am very familiar with the life style and the absent father... you made the choice to have children with a man whose first responsibility is not his to decide. he has signed a contract with the us government in return for steady work and pay and some of the best benefits (even today) out there, in return they say jump he jumps they say go to Iraq he goes.

    Do not hold the children out there like a shield. It sucks I know it sucks but that decision has already been made. Get mad and active about the fact that no one wears the ribbons any more that we as a nation we censored because the images were too disturbing get mad and active about how the military is treated when the come home and it is not on the local stations ....... It takes everyone to create a situation of ignorance and neglect....

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  • patrica.atkinson's Avatar
    Posted by patrica.atkinson Wed May 28, 2008 11:39am PDT

    In response to the second comment left (concerning "holding the children out there like a shield). I find it unfair to assume that a woman "married into" the military and "chose to have children with a man whose first responsibility is not his to decide". I married my husband and we had a child BEFORE he dedicated his service to the military. We now have three children, and I find it sad that anyone would assume, without personally knowing the woman who wrote this artical, she is using her children as a shield, or that any other woman would do so. Maybe saying things such as that statement is part of the "situation of ignorance and neglect". As far as images being censored because they are too disturbing... let me remind you that WE, as military wives, see these images on a daily basis. WE see it when our husband's companions come home in a casket. WE see it when a friend comes back from Afghanistan with only one arm. WE see it when we hold another wife in our arms, her tears falling down, having found out her husband is gone forver. WE see it as those same women become single mothers, and wonder where the future now lies. These images aren't censored to us, nor to our husband's, or their comrades. Is it possible that maybe, just MAYBE, people wouldn't so quickly forget if these "images" were broadcasted more often? The good is what is broadcasted; the return of soldiers to their country, their bravery is rewarded with news features and newspaper articles (as it should be). But why is it the bravery and courage that those who have fallen is not rewarded in the same manner? And do many even care to be reminded that we are still in the midst of TWO wars? I cannot count the number of times I have heard that Memorial Day is the beginning of summer. No, my friends. Memorial Day is a day of remembrance for all those who have sacrificed so that we may be free. But so many Americans have forgotten that, just as the wars we are involved in have been put on the back burner in so many minds, simply because those "images" forementioned have been so incredibly sensored.

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  • deputyfred1's Avatar
    Posted by deputyfred1 Wed May 28, 2008 12:17pm PDT

    I, too am an Army wife and have been for 22 years. I have two grown children, 23 and 19 and we have said goodbye to my husband and their father more times than I can count. It is true that the military isn't just a job......It is every bit a LIFESTYLE. The reality is most civilians will never understand what we as spouses or the children go through while we live this lifestyle. It's like no other way of life. Alot of my family disagree with any conflict and unfortunately never learned that freedom isn't free. I am so very proud that my husband does understand that and he chose to live this lifestyle so that others can complain, gripe, protest,even hate our military, and just be free!!! There are many hardships one goes through if one marries into the military. But the pride and love I have and our children have for theri father is so much greater than things like missed birthdays or missed anniversaries. We get the the blessing of knowing what is REALLY important in our lives. And thats the love we share that has no boundaries and doesn't need to be proved with anniversay presents or birthday and Christmas presents. We understand how fleeting life is and how very precious every moment is with the ones we love. Its not the quantity...its definitely the QUALITY of time spend with your loved one. Birthdays, etc. are trivial compared to the look on your childs face when he or she see's their daddy or mommmy come off that plane and the way your husbands arms feel around you when he hugs you for the first time in 15 months. You fall in love over and over again. Its been hard, but mostly its been magical. Alot of people will disagree with me....they can thank my husband and the rest of those brave men and women that serve our country to give them the freedom to shoot me down and tell me I'm anut!! :) May God Always Bless America!!!!

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  • c V's Avatar
    Posted by c V Wed May 28, 2008 1:42pm PDT

    First let me say that you spouses that stand by your loved one are quietly respected and loved among the people of that unit. I am a military member (single with 2 wonderful children) and, its hard to explain but there's this part of you that just feels right like this is what you were put here on this earth for. That doesnt mean I jump at every chance to leave, quiet the opposite I would rather that day not come but it does and it is my duty. I know that my children will understand that mommy is doing what she feels she has to. I don't think the woman that posted this was holding her children out as a shield, I think she was hurting and wanted people to understand a little of her pain, a way for her to release. Secretly we cry on the inside (men and women) when we leave our loved ones, we're supposed to be tough. Quietly we hurt inside counting down the days till we do get to run off that plan and wrap our arms around our family, but it's what we have to do. It's the life that we feel we were put here for. Like it has been said, nothing is free. Although I would like to see more support like when it had first happened.

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  • Linda K's Avatar
    Posted by Linda K Wed May 28, 2008 7:54pm PDT

    Ive been an army brat my whole life and am currently deeply in love with an army man.

    I grew up without my mother because of her deployments, so I can relate with her children. Its not a matter of complaining or trying to cast the blame, its a facat of life. In the military, the family is left behind while the soldiers go away.

    As far as censorship goes, I firmly agree the public has been shielded from what goes on and what the sacrafice actually is.

    You see o the news about the "poor little Iraqi child" who walked into a military base and blew up the "invading troops" that have "murdered his family with no regard to making him an orphan." or the man who had "no where else to turn" and shot at the soldiers before "tragically" taking his own life. I dont believe the Iraqi bombers or insurgents are the victims here. People are forgetting who is over there and why they're there. THe soldiers are husbands and wives, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers- not faceless, nameless bodies that may or may not come home in a timber box under a flag the public has so sadly forgotten the meaning it stands for.

    Protesters stand outside the bases when the soldiers come home and tell them they're going to heck and what horrible people they are. Those protesters dont know what its like to get taht letter, or to see those uniforms coming up the front drive. They dont know what its like to tell your kids that daddy's not coming home.

    The politicians? Dont get me started. They're talking about pulling out now. Do they have any idea what would happen if we did? It'll be like 'Nam. We did indeed fail at our original objective in Vietnam. All the lives lost then were for naught, just like the ones from this war will be if we pull out prematurely. I think some of these politicians' fathers should have had the same beliefs about pulling out before hand.

    What needs never to be forgotten is that its not soldiers that have died in this war. Its people. Civilians and military alike. How long do you think it would be before another attack on our own home ground happens again? Security has already gotten lax in the last 7 years. My challange to the american people- go to any base, walk up to any house with a deployment flag hanging in the window and ask whoever answers the door to tell you about who is deployed. Get the background and stories that will surely make them cry and laugh to remember. Then I want you to tell them that their loved one is worthless and deserves to die. How many could do it? Once you realize these "worthless pigs" are not only soldiers, but human beings -good human beings, its a little harder to critisize so cruelly. Is anyone up for that challenge? If you are, my door is open for you- 'cause I would definately have to see that.

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  • moonshadow8705's Avatar
    Posted by moonshadow8705 Fri May 30, 2008 8:09am PDT

    I have to agree with some of the comments left above. Marrying someone in the military is taking on a lifestyle. It's taking on the deployments and dealing with the loss. I grew up with the military (Army brat) and watched my dad and countless other soldiers go downrange. Now I'm dating a man in the National Guard and I pray he doesn't have to return to the Middle East. To the writer, I agree that Americans should show more support for our troops. But I refuse to support the cause. Our politicians NEED to be talking about getting out of this war, not to put more stress on families, but less stress. I think we can all agree that there is a peace of mind knowing your loved one isn't being shot at. I hope that a new administration can clean up Bush's mess. I also hope that the new administration will pay more respect to the soldiers returning home. They deserve every accommodation this country can make.

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  • LadyKelien's Avatar
    Posted by LadyKelien Fri May 30, 2008 2:13pm PDT

    Its not a matter of forgetting. For the general public its a matter of not knowing what to say. How do you say, "I appreciate the sacrifice you family is making, and I pray every day they come home safely. But, I also disagree with the reason that they are there. I think our leaders are stupid and that if our men are going to die for a cause it should be to stop genocide not fight over war." without upsetting anyone?

    We have learned not to blame our soliders for the stupidity of our leaders. But, at the same time that seems to stiffle our ability to speak out. So we say nothing hoping that our silence will be as good as a sit in knowing all the while its not and it is just another form of punishment that our soilders don't deserve.

    I wish I had a magic wand I could wave to make all of this go away. I have a good friend and a foster brother in Iraq now. My brother is on his third tour my friend on her second. I don't talk to them about the war because I don't want to upset them. If they talk, I listen but I never know what to say.

    We haven't forgotten. We won't ever forget.

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  • army_wife2628's Avatar
    Posted by army_wife2628 Mon Jun 2, 2008 8:18pm PDT

    alright i am a army wife,and have been forever it seems. i have two daughters. its this simple... some people married into it others not....thats really not the point. its what you make it and what you believe. nobody likes war,but most dont understand all the truth in why were there. yes its hard to say goodbye to loved ones every other year and pray they will return. some lives are harder then others....but it is what you make it. the only advice i can give is to pray and stay involved with others going through what u r or people whove been there. i am here if you ever need someone to talk to or confide in.

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