Parenting

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Mom of Tweens: Can you find joy in moments of chaos?

Nobody had ever said it to me before, so it gave me pause. A fellow writer and fan of my blogs said, "You find joy in chaos." I thought about my yard full of boys, traipsing through the pachysandra and rooting through my garage, and I thought, She's right. After all, I love to be the hostess of the frat house for fourth graders. But that was before the very next morning when I realized that not all chaos is created equally.

I was halfway through my breakfast cereal when I noticed that my son, Chris, was wearing a bright yellow striped shirt and shorts.

"It's Picture Day," I said. "Change your shirt. Oh, and it's cold out, too. You need pants." So he went upstairs, only to shout down, "I don't have any clothes!"

I put down my spoon and ran upstairs to find a clean blue shirt in the pile of laundry, and ironed it along with some khaki pants. I handed them to Chris, and then looked for some socks for me to work out in.

Among the handful of boys' socks - none of which produced a pair - I found two of my own socks with small pink symbols sewn on them. Never mind that one had the breast cancer ribbon and the other a Nike logo. They were the closest thing to a match I could find.

I put on the socks and went back downstairs, where I ran into my other son, Nicholas, who had used so much hair gel to keep his cowlick down, I could actually see a white film on his head. He looked like he'd been bombarded by a large bird.

"You can't use that much gel," I admonished him for the umpteenth time. He insisted he needed to use a lot of gel to keep his hair down, while I told him to meet me in his bathroom. I washed his hair in his sink and then led him to my bathroom, where I used a hairdryer, a comb and a lot less gel on his hair. He walked off without complaint, and I sighed, relieved that perhaps his fifth grade school photo wouldn't look like he'd just walked off the set of "Nick Slime Time Live."

Downstairs, I sat back down to eat breakfast when the doorbell rang. I got up, walked into the front hall and opened the door to find the 10-year-old from across the street standing there.

"I thought I'd see if they want to go to the bus stop with me," he explained.

"You have 20 minutes until the school bus comes," I reminded him. It didn't matter. My boys had already started scrambling toward the garage door.

Then one son remembered he hadn't packed his lunch, so he tore into the pantry and the refrigerator, leaving shredded cheese in his wake. The other son pretty much accused me of hiding his coat, as though I could find it in the first place. And then the neighbor boy was at our garage door, knocking ever so gently, as though only the boys would be able to hear it, like a dog whistle or a secret cell phone ring for people under 20.

I shoveled my cereal into my mouth and remembered it was paper recycling day. So, I wrapped up the newspapers while the son with the missing coat huffed and puffed around the kitchen to let me know his dismay over my apparent hiding of his jacket. He gave up, grabbed a winter coat and went out into the garage, where the neighbor boy and my other son were duct taping two skateboards together.

I don't want to know why.

I slid into the bathroom and locked the door. My son with the winter coat burst through the garage door, shouting, "Mooooooom!" For a second, I thought I'd pretend I'd skipped town, but I answered him. He replied, "Will you get the knots out of my sneakers?" When I finished in the bathroom, I sat on a kitchen chair, pulling apart the knots in his shoelaces.

Then I grabbed the pile of newspapers and walked out to the driveway, where I discovered it was too cold to be outside without a coat. I dumped the newspapers at the end of the driveway and ran back into the house while the boys fiddled with the skateboards. Meanwhile, my neighbor waited for us all by my mailbox. Then we all walked to the school bus stop together.

When the boys got on the bus, hair gelled correctly, coats on and lunches in their backpacks, I took a deep breath and found the joy in the chaos. You know, when it was all over.


Good Housekeeping

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From the Community…

Comments 1-7 of 7
  • HotCrossBuns's Avatar
    Posted by HotCrossBuns Fri Oct 10, 2008 6:02am PDT

    The best parenting advice I was ever given was, "Learn which battles are worth fighting, and choose wisely!"

    With 3 kids in the elementary grades, 6 cats, a hamster, and a husband who is at work before the kids even get up for the day, our mornings are much like yours. There's so much chaos on a normal morning, that when things run smoothly I feel like I'm missing something.

    I'd love to know what the skateboard thing was all about.

    Report Abuse
  • Terry M's Avatar
    Posted by Terry M Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:19am PDT

    As a single mother of 4, 3 boys 15 13 and 8 then my daughter 3, I can so relate to this! My day begins with the 3yr old and the 8yr old in a battle over the kitten, in the middle of this a friend of my 15yr old son is banging on the front door like the police because he's looking for his phone. I've been up since 6am to get my 13yr old off to school, there isn't enough cereal for breakfast, the 3yr old is eating a hunk of cheese and the 8yr old wants juice ( which we are also out of). I have yet to have a cup of coffee....GOOD MORNING!

    Report Abuse
  • Cody's Avatar
    Posted by Cody Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:41am PDT

    I am also a single mother of 3 two boys 4 and 10 and then my daughter is 13. Age 11 and 12 must have been the most horrible years with my daughter, one min she was my fun loving, sweet, beautiful girl, and the next she was this raving lunitic alien that i did not recognize and wanted to know why it was in my house and exactly what it had done with my wonderful little girl. She has calmed down a lot, with the onset of mensus and the year that followed her hormones seem to have settled, we still have our moments with her, but they are getting father between and although i grieved for the loss of my little girl, I welcome with open the arms the beautiful woman/child she is becomming.

    Report Abuse
  • SierraU's Avatar
    Posted by SierraU Fri Oct 10, 2008 10:22am PDT

    Yes! Joy in Chaos! I have 3 kids and that's exactly right.

    Report Abuse
  • c's Avatar
    Posted by c Fri Oct 10, 2008 5:51pm PDT

    What an eloquent article on a day in MY life:-) I'm a single mom with four kids, and I chuckled all the way through, because that is my house non stop. I'm SO glad to hear they mellow out after 12-ish, because my two older girls are almost 12 and 11, and we have hit hormone alley. There are now hostile days thrown in with the chaos. Best of luck everyone~ we won't know what to do when they are grown. Maybe we'll understand that bumper sticker that says "if i'd known grandkids were this much fun, i would have had them first".

    Report Abuse
  • c's Avatar
    Posted by c Fri Oct 10, 2008 5:51pm PDT

    What an eloquent article on a day in MY life:-) I'm a single mom with four kids, and I chuckled all the way through, because that is my house non stop. I'm SO glad to hear they mellow out after 12-ish, because my two older girls are almost 12 and 11, and we have hit hormone alley. There are now hostile days thrown in with the chaos. Best of luck everyone~ we won't know what to do when they are grown. Maybe we'll understand that bumper sticker that says "if i'd known grandkids were this much fun, i would have had them first".

    Report Abuse
  • c's Avatar
    Posted by c Fri Oct 10, 2008 5:51pm PDT

    What an eloquent article on a day in MY life:-) I'm a single mom with four kids, and I chuckled all the way through, because that is my house non stop. I'm SO glad to hear they mellow out after 12-ish, because my two older girls are almost 12 and 11, and we have hit hormone alley. There are now hostile days thrown in with the chaos. Best of luck everyone~ we won't know what to do when they are grown. Maybe we'll understand that bumper sticker that says "if i'd known grandkids were this much fun, i would have had them first".

    Report Abuse
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