Parenting

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Mom of Tweens: Doesn't everybody love the suburbs?

Woman cutting hedges

Juan Monino/iStock.'t everybody love the suburbs?

I tried not to act surprised when she told me, "I always knew you wanted that kind of life." Shortly after she met my soon-to-be husband some 17 years ago, an old college friend informed me that it was no surprise to her that I wanted a husband, kids and a house, not to mention a mini-van and perhaps a 50-pound bag of driveway salt. I nodded and smiled at her, but I was thinking: Doesn't everybody?

You'd think I would have caught on while in college, living a half-block from the Massachusetts Turnpike near Fenway Park, that maybe not everyone wants to settle down, have a family and pull weeds from the front stoop on weekends. It was the 80's after all, when it was suddenly perfectly okay for women like me, communications majors with their whole lives ahead of them, to want to live overseas and report on the Soviet Union falling apart or to take apartments in Manhattan and work toward the top over on Madison Avenue.

And for a while, I actually thought I might do something like that. I figured I'd be a modern version of Mary Tyler Moore, living alone with an automatic coffee maker, a closet full of suits with jumbo shoulder pads and perhaps a cat that doesn't like men. I thought that I wouldn't be that woman in the mini-van, loading up bags at Costco, or the mom running the bake sale at school. All that was a bit too bourgeois for me, you see. Besides, I was 22. What did I know?

And then I met Pete, and I remembered how much I love the suburbs. Soon, we married and moved there, to a condo near his parents' house in New Jersey. Later, we bought a house and had kids. I even stayed home full-time with them for a few years and now I work at home around their schedules. In other words, I did exactly what the women's libbers before me didn't want me to do. And yet, I don't feel the need to apologize.

At church one recent Sunday, one of the kids on the soccer team I coach promised to be at our next game early so he could practice shooting goals with me. My son's Cub Scouts den leader reminded me when the next pack meeting would be, and a friend from Pete's running club complimented me on my new hairdo. My community - my "peops" - was there for me.

When we got home, the boys from across the street came over to play while my husband worked in the yard. I threw in a load of laundry and sorted out the summer clothes from my kids' closets. And I never once wished I was reporting for CNN from Wasilla or working the weekend on something that would wind up on "America's Funniest Commercials."

I love my suburban life. I love its chilly Saturdays watching the leaves blow across the soccer field and the packs of kids riding by on bikes, heading to the pond at the end of our street to go frogging. I love getting "ghosted" by neighbors, when they ring your doorbell and run off after leaving a bag of Halloween goodies outside your door. I love being the hostess of the frat house for fourth graders - the house where all the kids love to hang out.

My friend was right: I did want "that kind of life." And now it appears that she does, too. She and her husband plan to move from the city to the 'burbs before their son starts school two years from now. Soon, she'll find out why I chose this life and why I stay here.

Maybe it's not for everybody, but the suburbs are for me. I love living here. I mean, doesn't everybody?


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From the Community…

Comments 31-39 of 39
  • AmandaY's Avatar
    Posted by AmandaY Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:49am PST

    It's all about choice. I am living with my husband, house, and child in the same small town I grew up in. I am surprised by my choice since I grew up hating this small town, but after living in a bigger city for two years I wanted to come back to a place where I can walk down the street after dark and not be afraid. A lot of my friends think I am nuts for jumping into family living so young (23), but when you know what you want and where you want to go... go for it. Social pressures come down on women from both sides and it's a bunch of BS! For one you have the Mommies who think their life is so wonderful why wouldn't anyone want a life with 3 kids, a mini-van, and a house. And then there are the ball buster women who think that if you don't go out and have a career you are a simple minded moron. Neither is truly right except for themselves. Choose your life's path by what you want out of it and don't be pressured by what others say. That is so 1950's!

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  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Sun Nov 16, 2008 3:32pm PST

    To each their own. Life's too short to live in a way that you don't like, if you can find happiness then it shouldn't matter where it comes from or in what form.

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  • KharaK's Avatar
    Posted by KharaK Sat Nov 22, 2008 1:55pm PST

    No!!! I want to be smack in the center of Manhattan or DC. I'll take L.A. too! I have to get away from here, it's like the Twilight Zone! Ridiculous. For those of you who are looking for a place where absolutely nothing happens, Hebron, MD is the place for you. If we get an two inches of snow or more, they close schools. As I a child I loved that. But this place is closed off and two hours away from everything! And if you don't have a car, or know someone with a car, you can forget going anywhere because you still need a ride to the bus station and the bus doesn't go everywhere. But there are lots of kids that run and play and skateboard with no one to bother them. So that's good. But I have lived here for 21 years, time for a change. Darling I love you but give me Park Avenue!

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  • stbdhead's Avatar
    Posted by stbdhead Sun Nov 30, 2008 4:13pm PST

    I like having the kids, church, etc...but I grew up in the city, and now I live on a very large farm. I could not STAND the restrictions so many "planned communities" have! What kind of fence, what type of trees,if you are allowed to have a clothesline etc. ( I have a friend who lives in one of those neighborhoods; feels like Stepford to me! ) I got my college degree in Equine Science because I KNEW I NEVER wanted to live in a place where I could actually SEE my neighbors or they could see me. I used to hate the way every time I walked out the door I'd have to be social. Where I live, I am just about as close to most ammenities as many suburbanites are ( 2 mins to schools, 5 mins to town) without all the hassle of neighbors and homeowners associations. I mean, If you are paying for your own house, shouldn't you have the right to do what you bloody - well want with it?? If I can't keep a horse in my backyard, what is the point in living?????

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  • Michael A's Avatar
    Posted by Michael A Mon Dec 1, 2008 12:18am PST

    Good for you

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  • Linda's Avatar
    Posted by Linda Mon Dec 1, 2008 5:26am PST

    FANTASTIC ARTICLE!!! I'M WITH YOU GIRL :)))

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  • Rjb's Avatar
    Posted by Rjb Mon Dec 1, 2008 6:29am PST

    Oh, boy! This article reminded me exactly what I don't like about the suburbs--the smug (doesn't everyone want my wonderful life?), naive small-mindedness that seems to permeate, poison and eventually truncate those who live there. THERE'S A BIG WORLD OUT THERE, PEOPLE!!!!! Who wants to be sentenced to spending inordinate amounts of time in a car because you can't walk anywhere except around a few blocks? Who wants to live in a town where the mall is the beating heart of the community? Suburbs all look pretty much the same, no matter where you go within the whole country. There are the same restaurant chains, the same chatter among the 'entitled' housewives, the same mentality and fear of anything different or anything that doesn't conform to the cookie-cutter standard. It's deadening. Who wants such a sterile and contrived existence? I'm all for open discourse about a topic, but the tone of this article rubbed me the wrong way. It was way too smug--no, not every SAHM wants to live (and waste away) in a suburb somewhere. I'm raising two kids in a city. I wouldn't go back to a suburb if you gave me the house and the mini-van for free!

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  • getfitgrl's Avatar
    Posted by getfitgrl Mon Dec 1, 2008 9:54am PST

    Didn't you hear...people are leaving suburbs. Your majority of foreclosures are in the suburb areas. I for one would be bored stiff in the suburbs. I need to be at least 5 min from an international airport and at least a block away from the ocean. I have one child who is now a teen and I am glad for both our sakes we could afford to live in an area that gave us everything from museums and science centers to lacrosse and surfing. You can do anything and be anyone.

    But kudos to you for making the suburbs work for you and your family. However, after your family has grown and leaves the nest...what will you do there in the suburbs???

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  • Jen Singer's Avatar
    Posted by Jen Singer Sun Dec 7, 2008 10:56am PST

    When my kids leave the nest, I hope to stay here. We have a tight-knit community with people of all ages and in all stages of life. My husband is in the running club, and I'm trying out paddle tennis with a bunch of my neighbors this winter. We have a lake where folks barbecue in the summer and participate in the biathlon. (My husband won his division last summer.)

    It's not for everyone, but we like it here very much.

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