Mom or Wife: What's More Difficult?

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  Posted by Doll Thu Jan 8, 2009 12:43pm PST

  Being a wife is harder. There is nothing my son could do to ever change my feelings for him, but my husband is a different story. He lied to me about something serious, and I was ready to boot him out. I didn't, but keeping that relationship strong is harder than with my son.

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  Posted by Beth Thu Jan 8, 2009 2:41pm PST

  I find being a wife much more complex than being a mother. Everything about caring for my son comes so naturally to me, but nothing about marriage comes naturally to anyone, aside of course from loving one another (but even that sometimes takes some effort). And I find that my husband appreciates a lot of things I do as a mother but rarely shows appreciation for what I do as a wife: keeping up the house, working from home for added income and offering support when things are tough for him.

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  Posted by Cursed Romantic Thu Jan 8, 2009 4:12pm PST

  I'm not a parent or a spouse, but as I still live with my folks to cut down on costs for me while I"m in college, I have noticed and had talks with my mom and she has totally admitted to it being harder to be a wife than a mom. Not to say because she always knew she would have me, because she has never been wild about kids. But its because of the fact that she was always so used to being independent and going to work and taking care of me when I was younger with the help of my grandmother and family and even the child support she got from my dad before they got married. But still she says she had more freedom. But it was like as soon as she married my dad we moved away from her side of the family (up until my uncle and his son came to live in our town), and she found out when I was around 10 or so that she had a brain tumor and had gotten an operation for that. But it left it so she has no short term memory and can't work outside the house, then being a diabetic she says she can't stand watching what she eats but also having to cook for my dad and me and clean up the house. We help of course, but my mom still wants to do things herself. So she constantly wears herself out over doing the things she wants to do. And this last time she had a blood tumor in her stomach that had her in the hospital for 2 weeks she still didn't feel like that great of a wife for not doing stuff at home even if me and my dad was doing it for her. So yea, I think my mom truly finds it harder to be a wife over being a mom.

  As I said before I'm neither parent nor spouse but I personally think being both a wife and a mom is difficult. Because there really aren't any exact hand books out there telling you step by step how to be the ideal or perfect wife or mom. I mean no one really teaches you these things, and by far I think they are the single most independent jobs you have to learn on your own and adapt different ways of each duties to your life and style. Because not everything you hear about being a mom or a wife is necessarily going to apply to your life, relationship, and children.

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  Posted by sunnysideup Thu Jan 8, 2009 4:15pm PST

  I agree with Rebecca, marriage is easier. My husband and I were married for 7 years before we had our daughter - and we dated 6 years prior to marriage, so we know each other pretty well and enjoy each other. Caring for my daughter ( who I love dearly) is tougher for me - especially now as she is entering the two's and is more of a challenge.

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  Posted by Nadine Fri Jan 9, 2009 6:11am PST

  Both go hand in hand. There's an even greater challenge when your child or children are dealing w/ a disability. Then there's the balance of not only learning how to make your child's life stable, but teaching your spouse about it. Spouses NEED each other's support to face day-to-day life challenges, including dealings w/ children. Children NEED to see the love between their parents as well as toward them. Children will pick up on anything & everything that is out of the ordinary and will do whatever to they can to expound on that. My husband & I have been married for almost 14 yrs. I also have a 17 year old who has ADD & ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). It can be quite challenging balancing.

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  Posted by Ryane J Fri Jan 9, 2009 7:07am PST

  Though I am not married nor have children. I have always imagined that it is harder to be a mother. Though I would love my kids unconditionally, there is a certain level of stress that comes along with children that may not be present when you are married with no children. Just my thoughts.

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  Posted by Nicky Fri Jan 9, 2009 7:15am PST

  I've been a mother longer than I've been a wife. Loving my son comes naturally as well as being a mother. With that said, I find much more difficult being a mother and dealing with my son and his issues. He's a teenager and it definatley tests my patience and there is no handbook on dealing with a a teenager...you basically have to wing. Making the wrong decision has a greater impact on my son now than it did when he was younger. My husband and I have to have a united front and tackle these issues head on. I'm not saying that my relationship with my husband is a walk in the park all the time but if feels easier. On the other hand, sometimes I think my husband believes that his socks and underwear just wash themselves.

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  Posted by Shannon Fri Jan 9, 2009 8:29am PST

  My mom concentrated on being a better mom because she became a single mom when I was only 2 years old. My dad walked out on us on my 2nd birthday and never looked back. That being said for me, it is so much easier to be a mom than it is to be a wife. I've wanted alot of kids for as long as I can remember. Between myself and my husband, my 2nd marriage his 3rd, we have 5 kids ranging in age from 24 to 4. I love being a mom, I can even say that I love my stepsons as much as I love my own kids. Yes, it is a different kind of love since I have only had them in my life for 6 years now but I still love them very much and would do anything for them.

  Now, for my marriage, I love my husband very much as well. But! The whole communication thing, I never learned how to talk to a spouse becuase my mom was single until I was 16 and by then I thought I didn't need a dad and didn't pay attention to him. By the time I realized how wonderful it was to have two parents in the home a year had passed and unbenownst to me we only had two more years with my stepdad. He died after only 3 years of marrige to my mom. Not nearly long enough for me to see and realize wonderful marriages are out there. I am still trying to grasp the concept of how wonderful a marriage they really had because my mom just doesn't want to find anyone else. She found her happiness with my stepdad and doesn't feel she will find that kind of love again.

  To me it's just easier dealing with stubborn kids than it is dealing with a stubborn husband! I wouldn't trade any of them for anything though.

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  Posted by desilee19 Fri Jan 9, 2009 8:39am PST

  I find it harder to be a mother. You can divorce your husband, but the kid is yours, yours, yours.

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  Posted by Mystica Fri Jan 9, 2009 8:48am PST

  Being a wife is harder....at least I know the kids simply truely forget to do things and that they often can't do a clean up job well because their little..as where if my hubby leaves a mess half way cleaned up I know it's out of lazyness pluss the kids don't tell me how and when to do their laundry...that makes me mad...and at least my kids meet my emotional needs I get more hugs from them than him and more sympathy while pregnant my guy is a big poop but my son is a sweety at least I can raise a prince if I can't marry one!!!LOL!!!

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