Momversation: Do you fight with your spouse/partner in front of your kids?

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  Posted by HotCrossBuns Fri Feb 20, 2009 8:19pm PST

  Oh puh-leez!! DR Phil is a horse's arse! I mean, seriously, this is the man who claims that ALL children can be potty trained in a weekend. Someone needs to smack the mustache right off his face for that one!

  Fighting/arguing in front of your kids is just life, plain and simple. Knock-down, drag-outs in the form of physical abuse is one (unacceptable) thing. But arguing or verbal disagreements happen to us all, and hiding them from your kids and playing like life is all hunky dury 100% of the time is ridiculous. They have to learn conflict resolution somehow! My kids see my husband and I argue occasionaly, and they've experienced a few heated "fights" between the two of us...But they've also seen us apologize to each other and "kiss and make up". Because of that they have learned that disagreements happen, you hash it out and then you move past it. Empathy and forgiveness don't just come naturally, they are taught!

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  Posted by Christa Mon Feb 23, 2009 6:36am PST

  I agree with HCB 100%. I think it is healthy for children to see their parents aren't super heroes, and have the daily ups, downs, and disagreements everyone does. If it is a really big fight, and one that is more then likely to turn nasty, then it will be taken into another room.

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  Posted by js Mon Feb 23, 2009 7:38am PST

  i feel it's important for children to see that it's ok to have different opinions & to stand up for what you believe in. it's also very important for kids to see the give & take & willingness to bend for the ones you love. if it's going to be a big blow up, send the kids outside to play while you & hubby battle it out. but always let the kids know that this happens, & it's not because of them.

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  Posted by Sonia Mon Feb 23, 2009 10:31am PST

  I do figth in front of my kids, so they could learn the that is the wrong thing to do.

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  Posted by amandar Mon Feb 23, 2009 12:16pm PST

  How will your children learn how to resolve their conflicts if they never see you resolve yours? My parents didn't fight in front of me, and I wish they would have. By the time I was a teenager, I saw them argue, and thought the were going to get a divorce....simply because I had NEVER seen them argue before! For all I knew, this was their first disagreement!

  I think you should still watch what you say, and how you say it, but if your children don't know that people fight....even though they love each other....they may think they have problems that other couples don't (in their adult lives).

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  Posted by BrindaO Mon Feb 23, 2009 1:06pm PST

  Of course we fight in front of the kids! This is life, not a sitcom!!! I truly believe the kids need to see the good, the bad and the ugly. They have to see that mom and dad are not perfect, we mess up, we make mistakes, we cry, we yell and then when we are done, we apologize and we move on. Being happy and loving in front of the kids all the time is dysfunctional!

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  Posted by THE Queen Mon Feb 23, 2009 1:28pm PST

  i know as parents we all have our different strategies and opinions on parenthood...one not to down the other, but i do not agree that it is ok to fight and argue in front of the kids. i think it shows a lack of respect for the children, especially if you use abusive language in front of them. you do not have to fight and argue in front of kids in order to show them how to resolve conflict and disagreements.

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  Posted by opiniononly Mon Feb 23, 2009 1:31pm PST

  Many adults refuse to argue in front of adult friends and family members - for reasons that include wanting to keep conflicts private or being embarrassed to do fight in front of others. Mostly though, it comes down to one's sense of what is considered publically vs. privately appropriate.

  For those of you who advocate it is okay to involve your children in your arguments as a "teachable moment", my question is: "If you don't argue in front of your friends, why is it okay to argue in front of your kids?" Kids are much more vulnerable to the real and perceived threats from arguments between parents than any adult.

  You can teach children how to resolve conflicts without subjecting them to your arguments. I will admit to a serious bias with this issue since I grew up in a household that was a marital warzone. While I rarely agree with anything uttered by Dr. Phil, I have, for decades, referred to my parents behavior as a form of child abuse. JS is right on point: If you are dealing with an issue that has the potential to escalate into a blow out - keep your kids far, far away from it.

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  Posted by Princess Peatry Mon Feb 23, 2009 2:37pm PST

  I think it is unneccesarry to argue in front of the children. We try to keep the disagreable tones @ a minimun and I get super-p%ssed when my hubby starts either arguing (or crying) in front of the boys. It is not manly @ all and I do not want them to become weak men. Not neanderthols mind you, but crying and b*tching should be reserved to special extreme occasions.

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  Posted by 910chelle Mon Feb 23, 2009 2:43pm PST

  i understand what dr.phil saying cause it cause some emotionally abuse,my son is autism and im a single mom when i see his father i do let some stream out but i realize that my son will yell and cry so i rather hold it in and just pray god let it flow

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