Momversation: Punishing Your Children

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  Posted by Rose Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:25am PST

  There is no point in spanking. You tell your kids to not hit each other but you hit them. It just doesn't make sense.

  My kids are 5 and 3. Timeouts are working for us because we make them stick! "Be Firm, Fair and Consistent" The kids know when they did something wrong and they also know the consequences. There is no bargaining. They go to the timeout area and they stay there for a standard time. If one parent puts them in timeout, the same parent has to take them out. We don't question each other's reason for putting a child into timeout.

  What's difficult to children or even adults are when rules change, when you can talk your way out of a punishment, or when the adults are punishing one child one way and the next day doesn't punish a second child for the same thing. BE consistent!

  Hitting your child only makes them hate YOU and not the behavior. You are correcting the behavior NOT trying to hurt the child. Right?!

  And for goodness sake, once the punishment is over, TALK to your CHILD! Talk about why it was wrong and what to do to correct it. Don't keep harassing the kid over the same thing. My MIL likes to drag punishments by overly talking about how bad it was. Once the predetermined timeout is over, and you talked about it. It's over. FORGIVE your kid! And MOVE ON! You want your kid to LOVE and RESPECT YOU not fear you!

  Love your kids and please give them a hug and say "I'm mad at what you did but I still love you."

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  Posted by rockin' mom Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:29am PST

  Beating, screaming, and yelling are THE WORST ways to discipline your children. I have a 5 year old little girl and she is no angel by any means. She listens to me though b/c I get down on her level and TALK to her. Yes, I TALK to her like she is an adult. Screaming is just going to teach her to scream. Spanking is just telling her it's okay to hit people when they don't do what you want them to do. Is that what you want to teach your children? NO!!!!!! And I would NEVER say to ANYONE that I was going to beat the sh*t out of her. Are you crazy??? Beating them? Tha's what is wrong with children today. Their parents don't take the time to TALK to them..they just want to scream and hit. UGH!!!!! Iam not a perfect parent, but I know enough that I don't use physical force with my daughter. How can you teach them it's not right to hit others, but then spank them for not doing what you say? That is just another instance of being a hypocrite. Talk to your children and they will respect you.

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  Posted by rockin' mom Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:32am PST

  rdredwine, I just read your post. Thank you for being a good parent!!!! Yes!!!!!!!! I am giving you a standing ovation :)

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  Posted by Vickie Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:47am PST

  Okay Alice so you say your 6 year old just "won't take it". Well, what are you trying to make him "take"? You're allowing a 6 year old to negotiate his behavior by accusing you of being in a bad mood or having a caffeine deficiency. I understand that spanking is not for every parent but you have to do something. You can't sit and talk through a problem with a six year old. There has to be consequences when he misbehaves. What you are teaching him is that no matter what he does, he can talk his way out. I highly suggest you pick a time out spot and put it to good use otherwise you may find yourself with a teenager who takes off in your car at 3am and thinks he will be able to talk through it with you and all will be well.

  Asha, I totally dig you girl! Everything you said with regards to discipline is right on track with both mine and my husbands views.

  Giyen, I am happy that your daughter is so well behaved. But in my house questioning Mom and Dad's rules is considered talking back and showing a complete lack of respect and is not tolerated.

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  Posted by Vickie Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:50am PST

  Charlotte, I think you are on the right track with your little one. I used to remove my daughter from whatever situation she was in and that worked up until she was 4. However, I wouldn't sit with him and read to him after he's been bad. You're sending the wrong message. You don't wan't him to think that he can act up whenever he wants just to get alone time with you or Dad.

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  Posted by Brittany G Tue Jan 13, 2009 10:12am PST

  It depends on what works. I was told what was wrong & what is right until that didnt work & then my parents spanked me. After that stopped working they started the grounding & that worked unitl I was out of the house because God Forbid my mom took away my cell phone, car or stereo! haha. I turned out pretty good so I plan on doing the same with my kids. But for some kids they dont care what you tell them & other kids dont care if you spank them you just have to figure out what they respond to & stick with that.

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  Posted by Kate W Tue Jan 13, 2009 10:40am PST

  I beat them with a tire iron or any other hard object lying around. I think that's the best way to get the point across.

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  Posted by Red Sox Fan Tue Jan 13, 2009 10:42am PST

  Beat them!! Ha ha. NO thats never the answer. I would advise that if a time out or spanking is too much for you just direct them to another activity. I do believe a spanking is only required when it is DESPERATLY needed. I take away thier after dinner snacks or tv time if they continue to act bad. It always gets drastic results. Never, never go back on your word!!!!

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  Posted by Lisa Tue Jan 13, 2009 10:47am PST

  When my son was little (around 2 years) I started talking to him about stuff when we were on the floor playing and having fun. What I mean by that is, I would tell him how to behave in public, explaining to him that what he sees on TV and in movies is not always real. How to answer adults when they speak to him. Why we look both ways when crossing the street. All the things that I wanted him to know. I tried to teach him empathy. Always telling him that I loved him and that when I got upset I was not upset with him but at what he did.

  I found that it was easier to talk to him about these things when he was happy and not upset. He listened more and remembered what we talked about. And if he did something that we talked about all I had to do is remind him of what we talked about and he would change his behavior. These conversations went on for years. Sometimes the same things, other times something new that I saw needed to be addressed. It is much easier to teach your child what you want them to know when you (or both of you)are not upset. Fun time with your child is the best time to do this. You can even bring up things that have aready happened to reinforce the lesson that you are trying to teach. It is also a good time to go over GOOD behavior and praise that. Tell them how much you like the good behavior and how to improve the bad behavior.

  Communication is very important to raising children. The first 5 years especially. This is when they learn the most.

  Well my son will be 17 years old in less than a month. We still have our talks only now it is about girls, sex and std's, college, safe driving, underage drinking and drugs and all that stuff that goes along with being a teenager. He even told me once that even though it looks like he is not listening to me when we talk, he really is listening and is thankful that we have that connection. He even feels comfortable telling me when he has a problem and wants to talk it out. So talk to your kids even if you think that they may not understand. Believe me they understand more than you think.

  Good luck to all of you.

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  Posted by Sweetteepi H Tue Jan 13, 2009 10:58am PST

  my five year and twin 4 year olds are spoiled. But i make sure they are descplined. If I have to tell them more then twice to do something I make them stand by me or in a cornor. I normally seperate my twins. That seems to do it with them. I will take away things such as toys and their tvs. I also ground my children. They love gymnastics and it is a treat for them so they have to earn it. my five year old gets her ds taken away she hates that so for the most part she is pretty good. I rarely spank my girls I dont think hitting will get you results you hit them for hitting dont make much sense. The only time I spank is if they are in danger or they did the most outragous thing that deserves a spanking, Like running out in the street).

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