Momversation: Should I Have Another Kid?

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  Posted by Mystica Fri Dec 19, 2008 2:33pm PST

  Any time you and your honey want one. You don't even have to have alot of money just be frugale. As for older kids it is best if you space them out a bit by at least 2-3 years. Mine is 4 and a half and one on the way it's been perfect as far as still being able to get rest and him potty trained and less dependent other wise you'll end up with one in and the other on your hip not advised.

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  Posted by nnylamom Fri Dec 19, 2008 5:05pm PST

  What you should do is think about the most hectic time you have had with your kids in the past month. The worst possible moment. The one where you just got home from work the kids get off the school bus, your husband walk in the door waiting for dinner, both of the kids are hitting each other and telling you why they hate each other and your dog pees on your foot. Then imagine having a baby to breastfeed, during all of this stress, calm down when crying, when you are buggeyed....etc.

  I love my kids dearly, but i don't think I could handle another one right now....it is my test.

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  Posted by Future Yalee Sat Dec 20, 2008 9:28am PST

  Some of those stereotypes about onlies can end up true.... and what about when you and your husband are dead and gone? And it will happen. Who will he have to turn to?

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  Posted by Keli J Sat Dec 20, 2008 9:47am PST

  This is a hard one - you gals didn't even bring up the impact on mom's career with more children. I have one three-year-old and am totally struggling with this issue right now. I left my professional job to be a trailing spouse to support my husband's job. I have been a full-time stay-at-home mom for about six months and there are aspects of it I love (I would miss out on SO MUCH of my child's life and development if I were working right now and I feel really lucky to be able to be home with her now). But, there are aspects of it I don't like (feeling out of the the "real world" and not pursuing my own career goals). Emotionally, I would like to have another child, but it would effectively keep me off the career track for another couple of years at least. And then, how does having another child impact my relationship with my daughter? I love being able to spend so much time and energy on her. We are very close and I enjoy her so much. Would I be too busy and too stressed with another baby to enjoy the "big kid" that I love so much? Would the house be full of fights and sibling rivalry or just indifference and disinterest? Can my husband and I control or diminish some of that or is it just part of the whole process? In a bad economy, it certainly seems more reasonable to have one child, be happy and thankful with the family we have, and quit obsessing over it.

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  Posted by Alicia Sat Dec 20, 2008 4:01pm PST

  OK well i am a mother of soon to be 5 children. All mine are maybe 1 and a half years apart. as u can imagine my home is very busy all the time. With my oldest being 6 and fixing to have #5 yes i do wonder at times if i should of ever had so many. but at the end of the day when we are all reading books, i have to say that i don't know what my life would be like if i only had 1 or 2. But i have to say that i love each of them just the same. So my answer to the question would be it all depends on you. but it does take a toll on your finances. Oh ya and u will never be bored or lonely!!!

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  Posted by Lucy Sat Dec 20, 2008 4:43pm PST

  WHY DOES NO ONE EVER ASK THEMSELVES "CAN I AFFORD ANOTHER CHILD" BEFORE THEY ASK IF THEY SHOULD!!?? If you have more than two..... you must be freaking rich!! Kids are expensive!! I have one and he is enough!

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  Posted by Jersey Sat Dec 20, 2008 5:08pm PST

  Well it isn't always about can you afford! The bottom line is that M.O.T.H.E.R.S will alway make a way. But being realistic about the economy would be a very wise choice. It can be a struggle and a HUGE strian on your relationship if those finances aren't in order believe me. As far as timing, it's totally up to you. I had my children 18 1/2 months apart so basically I had a one year old and a new born. Whew some of those moments are a blur! It was pretty tough at times and then again it wasn't. I never got out of the baby stage to begin with so it was more like keeping up the same ole routine for me. Now that they are bigger and in grade school I am so greatful to have had them so close.

  One after the other will enter highschool and college with no significant gap space which means that I will pretty much have me time sooner than those with children that are spead apart. Utimately that choice is yours to make.

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  Posted by John Sat Dec 20, 2008 7:33pm PST

  All I heard in this video was "Me me me...what's best for me?" I'll bet all of these selfish binks believe in the global warming hoax, and think it's best to go "green" in any way that you can (which I think is a great idea in most cases)...but why isn't overpopulation an issue like "global warming" and all the other environmental causes?

  In my opinion it's just as serious, and anyone who isn't helping to keep the population down should be just as stigmatized as people who hurt the environment in other ways.

  For every kid you DON'T have, you decrease the "carbon footprint" of the human race by the entire amount of emissions that a human being will create in his ENTIRE LIFETIME. Plus, if every couple in the world only had one child, the world population would drop quickly and dramatically, improving life for the race and for all other species on the planet.

  So stop being so damned selfish and consider things other than yourself.

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  Posted by John Sat Dec 20, 2008 7:39pm PST

  "Oh ya and u will never be bored or lonely!!!"

  There are many ways to be lonely. I'd say at least 3/4 of the women that ask me out or respond to my personal are single mothers, and I think that's sad. In today's divorce-is-always-an-option environment, women really should think twice before having kids, because it will seriously impede efforts to replace their men when they walk out the door.

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  Posted by Post-Modern Jen Sat Dec 20, 2008 8:35pm PST

  When my husband and I were still just dating, we discussed how many children we would want to have. At that time, we agreed on two. Flash forward 3 years later and we had our little girl. Aside from the great joy of having this little girl, our relationship seemed to go into a tailspin. Both of us seemed to be a little selfish and resentful of the fact that our lives had been completely changed and rearranged by this addition to our family. We argued all the time about dividing the responsibility of her care and the "sacrifices" that needed to be made of our time. My husband told me he had changed his mind about a second child. "She is enough," he said. And even though part of me agreed, that even though she is the best, most amazing and adorable child we could have ever wished for, that our relationship couldn't take the stress of adding another child and life was pretty good with our little family of three---I couldn't help but feel betrayed by him for changing his mind this late in the game! Plus, deep down I knew I wanted another child, and most definitely I wanted my friendly, loving daughter to have a sibling because of the special bond I have with my sister and brother. So bottomline, my husband began to appreciate my reasoning and we decided to try again when our daughter was almost two, and within a month- bam! We now have a little boy and our daughter absolutely adores her "baby brother." I am very glad we decided to go ahead with our original plan, but, don't get me wrong---- 2 kids is a whole new challenge. For me, so far, this second one is not "easier" because "I know what to expect" You don't know what to expect with a whole, new child. It seems that my husband and I can barely steal a moment for just the two of us. And it's so hard to know when the "right time" is because if you think about it too much, the window will pass and you won't have done it. So, at the risk of sounding trite/cliched/etc, if you have that feeling in your soul, and, ideally, if you are in a financial situation that can allow for another child, go ahead and do it! Every time you look at your children, every time they say some interesting, funny thing, everytime they kiss you or hug you or tell you "Mommy, you're my best friend ever!" you'll know why it's all worth it.

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