Something strange happens when I wear the
baby.
I slip into a black
carrier, strap the baby in, make sure she's snug, put a hat
over her tiny head, then head out. A woman with a baby on her hip?
So common most people wouldn't notice. But a man, by himself,
with a baby on his chest, bobbing and bouncing with every
step? Before I might have been invisible to the world. Now
people look twice. Tough guys on the corner smirk, sometimes laugh.
Ladies behind the donut counter wave. Security guards soften their
glare and grin. Pretty women stop to talk. Old men
smile.
When I wear the baby
strangers in markets and bakeries and subway stations stop to ask
questions, make weird baby talk, or serenade my daughter. People
tell me what I'm doing is "wonderful." Flooded with
waves of attention and praise, I might momentarily lose myself and
forget that I'm just doing what I'm supposed to: being a
father to my child.
But our culture sees it
differently: a man, alone with his baby — even in 2009 — is
somewhat rare and unexpected. One reason for this: most men have
little opportunity to take an extended leave from work shortly
after their babies are born. Within days or weeks of a child's
birth, most new dads are back at work.
For me,
deciding to take paternal leave last September to be
with Isabella, my four-month-old daughter, was easy. I knew I
wanted to spend time with her once my wife's unpaid four-month
maternity leave ended. We didn't want to put her in daycare so
early. And my company's paternal leave policy was unusually
generous — six weeks paid, plus any available sick time, up to four
months. So the question for me wasn't whether to take paternity
leave, but how much? That, it turned out, was the tricky
part.
Few men in the American
workplace take paternal leave. In part, this trend reflects
America's stingy attitude towards family leave. According to a
Harvard University report, of 173 industrialized countries studied,
169 guarantee paid maternal leave for women. The U.S. — along
with Liberia, Papua New Guinea, and Swaziland — is among the four
nations that offer nothing. Moreover, 66 of 173 countries guarantee
paid paternal leave; the U.S. does not.
In the
U.S., family leave benefits remain at the employers'
discretion. As a result of the 1993 Family and
Medical Leave Act, men and women working for organizations with
fifty or more employees are entitled to take up to twelve weeks of
unpaid leave to spend with a newborn child without risk of losing
their jobs. Few men, however, can afford to lose two or three
months salary. Especially if their wives or partners may also be
taking unpaid maternity leave.
Only
thirteen percent of U.S. employers offer paid paternal leave to
allow men to spend time at home with a new baby, according to a
survey by the Society for Human Resource Management. Even when the
opportunity exists only fifty-eight percent of men opt to use paid
paternal leave available to them.
Armin
Brott, author of The
Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-be and The
New Father, suggests that men often struggle with the
balance between work and family roles. "Most new
fathers," Brott writes, "feel torn between two options
that feel mutually exclusive: protecting and providing, and being
an involved, nurturing dad."
"There is still a lot of fear among people," Brott
says, "that they aren't going to make partner, they
aren't going to get a promotion, they won't be taken
seriously in their job . . . and to some extent, they're
right."
To read
the rest of this article, pay a visit to Babble.com.
Odd Man Out: Why aren't more men taking paternity leave?
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From the Community…
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Posted by Mon Nov 16, 2009 11:04am PST
Report AbuseWith our first child, my husband had better paternity leave than I had maternity leave. But he took 6 or 7 weeks off, and it was nice to just have that time together as a little family. I wouldn't be surprised if he took more time off for our second. I believe he has 2 or 3 months available to him.
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Posted by Mon Nov 16, 2009 1:59pm PST
Report Abusemy husband took paternity leave with all three of our children. It was a big help.
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Posted by Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:08pm PST
Report AbuseA coworker of mines would not take paternity leave because it is unpaid at our place of employment. Secretly, I don't think he wanted to be home with "her".
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Posted by Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:30pm PST
Report AbuseI think more dads should take paternity leave. Paternity and maternity leave should both be paid it's just the right thing to do for family's. If you want a nurturing home then that's important.
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Posted by Tue Nov 17, 2009 8:21am PST
Report AbuseI definitely am a supporter of paternity leave. Then again I'm an advocate for active parenting. I don't belive in gender rolls in parenting. Good for you for being an involved parent the only thing you can't do is breastfeed oher than that I hope you continue to be an active force in your daughters life
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Posted by Tue Nov 17, 2009 9:57am PST
Report Abuseif my husband had paid leave. he would have definitely stayed home longer. he took his vacations after the baby was born. but since he works at night he was still there during the day for us... that was and is still great for our kids.
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Posted by Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:38am PST
Report AbuseYa wanna know why? Because most people think it's a woman's job to take care of the babies.
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Posted by Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:50am PST
Report AbuseI wish more men were as nurturing and as wonderful a father as you. I think Americans still see this sort of nurturing as emasculating and as "woman's work" which is completely wrong and if it benefits you and your child then how can it be so detrimental? I would also like to point out what the article said on you never get the time spent with the child back, so so true. This is a special time for you and your child and how could you ever pass that up with out regret? Your bond with your child is so much deeper which is a bond for life. Life is short and our time with loved ones is even shorter, spend all the time you can with your child, because one day they won't want you around at all.
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Posted by Tue Nov 17, 2009 12:26pm PST
Report AbuseWhy aren't more men taking paternity leave? Because they don't have to. It's a choice. My friends' husbands all took off time to be with their wives and babies. Some took off time to specifically spend time with the older kids to make the baby transition together. Not all men have this option available to them employment-wise. The ones who don't have the choice of using vacation or personal time too. But those who can't afford to take any time off?? I'm wondering why they feel entitled to have children they can't afford.
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Posted by Thu Nov 19, 2009 10:22am PST
Report AbuseI totally believe in paternity leave. I'm so tired of the double standard of raising babies. I know women carry it for 9 months but the father helped make the thing! Thats why he's called a father. Men deserve to have that time off from work for bonding and I think many mothers will agree that maybe their husbands should have been required to spend 2 months at the home with their newborn.
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