One More Hip Parenting Term I Can Live Without: Free-Range Kids

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  Posted by heady6870 Tue Apr 22, 2008 5:10am PDT

  Well I thought I was just "old fashioned" but I'm glad to see their are other parents out there who are encouraging their children to become independent and confident. My daughter is almost six years old and she is learning to buy things at stores (counting the change etc.), go next door to borrow a cup of milk, and call to make her own playdates (with proper etiquette and manners). She's never put in danger but is learning to be savvy about risks in the world without fearful. Kudos to the parents who are letting their children actually grow up!

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  Posted by MichelleK Tue Apr 22, 2008 5:36am PDT

  We have done so with our daughter, who is now 12. But how far do you go with this....at times she believes (actually belieaves) she's in control of her playdates, plans for the movies, mall, etc....I have to keep reminding her that she's still the child; and let me tell you - that can start an argument very easily....

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  Posted by Gemini Tue Apr 22, 2008 7:10am PDT

  I have tried to raise my children to be very independent. That being said the world is not the same place that it was when I was young. Would I let my tween take public transportation alone? Probably not, would I let my teen, yes of course. Free-range bugs me about as much as tween and other labels that we use.

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  Posted by Meagan Francis Tue Apr 22, 2008 7:29am PDT

  I am definitely trying to raise my kids to be independent--which really does seem to go against the tide these days--so I enjoyed her column. However, I can see why it struck you as annoying: you're right, kids do this every day in every city. But let's admit it, when many more privileged parents think about *those* children, they're probably assuming the parents of that kid riding the bus alone or letting themselves into an empty house are either negligent or too busy/poor/dysfunctional/whatever to give them more supervision.

  What I like about this "movement" is that it speaks directly to the middle-class parents who would probably have felt irresponsible letting their kids have these kind of independent experiences, and says "Hey, freedom isn't just for those other parents who *have to* let their kids get home on their own. There's actually a benefit to encouraging independence in our kids." I'm not sure I'd let my 9-year-old ride the subway alone, but I can appreciate what the writer is trying to do. And actually, statistically the world *isn't* a different place than it used to be. Kids are at no more risk today for stranger abduction or stranger violence (which is really the issue here) than they were a generation ago. It's our perception that's changed. I blame media hysteria--one horrible tragedy gets played 1200 times in a week, and it's like your brain starts to think there were 1200 tragedies that week.

  That said, I don't like how media has jumped on this to pit "helicopter moms" against "free-range kids" because dear Lord am I weary of mommy war crap.

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  Posted by Charlene Prince Birkeland, Shine staff Tue Apr 22, 2008 8:20am PDT

  Amen, Meagan!

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  Posted by Voice of the Cards Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:04am PDT

  It never ceases to amaze me how often we seem to be catering to the lowest common denominator in all things family More power to those people who feel that it's right to allow their children to be independent, and self-confident by teaching them at a young age how to make their way in the world. For the record, I'm a free range kid at heart, and hearing of all the ways children are being stifled from their lives by parents that coddle and worry is highly upsetting to me when I see it happen.

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  Posted by maggie b Tue Apr 22, 2008 1:47pm PDT

  But what if your child becomes one of the statics. You can never get them back and would never be able to forgive yourself. I do live in the suburbs and raising two girls in the same neighborhood I grew up in and it has changed. Example the main street off my neighborhood is much busier than when I was growing up. I think I'm raising independent children. There are a lot of parents around us that really stiffle their kids. I don't think my nine year old is mentally ready to cross that street, much less know how to deal with adult issue that could come up in major city street. There is nothing wrong with her mentally, it is just human development. You have to let them take it in steps or that is when things happen. Ultimately, I am responsible for what happens to my girls, knowing when it is time to let them take the next step to achiveing independence.

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  Posted by DLW Tue Apr 22, 2008 1:55pm PDT

  OMG NO!!! Today I saw a little boy walking home on a busy street with no sidewalk. I was picking up my cell to call 911 when the state police pulled up behind him and put him in the car. All I could think of was THANK GOD!! And I live in a tiny town!

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  Posted by captive915 Tue Apr 22, 2008 3:05pm PDT

  Cut the cord already! As much as it may break our hearts, we have to let our children grow up at some point. Put some of your fear aside and trust your children. Of course I am in no way implying that it is okay to just put our kids out there in an adult world but instead prepare them. Teach them well and make them aware of potential dangers. That way, if they are ever faced with a situation they will know exactly how to react.

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  Posted by Meagan Francis Tue Apr 22, 2008 3:21pm PDT

  Maggie, I think the point is that your child can become a statistic no matter how careful and guarded you are--bad things happen to children right in front of their parents, in their homes, very often, in their cars...

  I totally agree that you have to know your particular child to judge for yourself--we are all responsible for our own kids, but many parents I know err on the side of caution, sometimes too much, I think. And they don't even necessarily over-protect because they really believe it's unsafe, but because they fear judgment from other parents.

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