One More Hip Parenting Term I Can Live Without: Free-Range Kids

From the Community…

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  Posted by boobug Sat Apr 26, 2008 12:52pm PDT

  First of all, do we really need to be starting another classification to divide one mom from another. Get over it. That said, letting your child have freedom to explore, play, and grow is great BUT you have take into account that times have changed. Years ago, everyone knew their neighbors and when your child came home from school, you knew that if something went wrong, there was someone there for them. Now, people barely take the time to meet their neighbors because there is a good chance that they will leave for somewhere else soon. Of course, it could also be that we have become a little more self-absorbed. Thought for the day? That aside, I want my children to grow up independent and self-assured but I also want them to grow up and not be a statistic. Call me a overprotective parent but my children are safe and as a mother is that not one of the first things you want to accomplish?

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  Posted by Shannon Sat Apr 26, 2008 5:19pm PDT

  It is very interesting to me that you have to be one extreme or the other. Raising children is a VERY daunting, yet enjoyable task. You are entrusted to one of the greatest gifts one could EVER receive. Your charge (ultimately) is to raise them to be productive and independent in the adult world. As they grow and mature, you HAVE to give them opportunities to become confident in their independence and THEIR own choices. The one thing you don't want is a needy, dependent adult child. I LOVE my children (as I am sure all parents do). I think there is a balance somewhere b/tween helicopter parent, and letting your kids be "free range" (so to speak.) They ARE children and do need guidance, nurturing, and (some hovering/boundaries), but realize that it's all relative to age too. I don't parent the same as allof my friends, but we have open discussions and use one another as a gage. YOU as the parent HAVE to be aware and do whats right for YOU and your family! Their time as children is so short. Whatever you choose ENJOY IT. and try to make it as enjoyable for them as possible!

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  Posted by Mean Mary J Sun Apr 27, 2008 5:07am PDT

  I am a grade school crossing guard who works a mile from the school. A few weeks ago I got a new student. He's six years old and is expected to walk by himself ALONE!!!! His stepmother even drops him off at my corner in her car. Why can't she drive him to school?

  This concerns me, as there is a registered sex offender living on the route, right across from an abandoned factory.

  Apparently, it is legal to make a six year old walk a mile, unaccompanied, to school in a bad neighborhood. I asked my boss, the police and even social services.

  I came up with the solution of making him wait with me until groups of kids come from the nearby housing projects and having him walk with them.

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  Posted by caroline Sun Apr 27, 2008 12:30pm PDT

  I think 9 is a little young to ride the subway alone, but I do believe that kids need some freedom! The woman who lived next door to me for a while wouldn't let her son outside alone (he was 8) with all the other neighborhood kids. Her or her husband would stand out there the whole time while this group of 5 boys played basketball and soccer.

  It was crazy. He was not going to die in 20 minutes playing with all these other kids across the street in the neighbor's front yard..

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  Posted by Connie Sun Apr 27, 2008 3:41pm PDT

  "If your child got kidnapped or killed while you are making your FREE RANGE child a little more responsible, how would that make you feel?"

  Probably heartbroken.

  But it's far more likely that your child or any child would get killed in a car accident while being driven to school.

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  Posted by Brandis Thu May 1, 2008 2:21pm PDT

  I think it's funny and a little scary that this is becoming a trend. I am NOT a helicopter mom, actually am very against. I don't want to raise my children to be scared of everything. But the issue is more complicated than that. I don't know how I feel about letting my hypothetical 9 year old (my actual kids are no where near that old) ride the subway alone because it would depend on the maturity and even the stature of that child. And I think it is important to mention that, at least in California and Ohio, it is illegal for children under the age of 12 to be home alone- I would be more worried about being turned in or accidentally caught than actually leaving the kids (it's a child endangerment charge that would end my child development career). I don't think children should be put in potentially dangerous situations in order to encourage independance when it can be done in so many other ways. And I don't think that "well I lived through it and turned out okay" is a good arguement for anything in parenting- it's the arguement that spankers always use.

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  Posted by goober Tue May 13, 2008 11:39pm PDT

  Yes.....it bugs the ever-loving crap out of me! You only hear about those "poor Me" moms who's kids are fighting all summer and are bored! What about the Mom who works full-time and has to leave her kids home alone all summer and can't afford a vacation? All I ever read about concerning tweens and teenagers is "which day camp? which college? what sport?" And the whole while probably 99% of readers are only reading the article so they can fantasize about what it would be like if that were the LEAST of their problems. If they didn't have to sneak to the phone every hour of their 12 hour shift all summer with a pounding heart to check on the kids, just hoping that they have eaten something today and not beaten the hell out of eachother, destroyed the house or injured themselves while you were away at work! And oh yeah, that you won't get fired for having to use the phone every hour! Do you think I let my 12 year old get himself to school all alone every morning because I am sadistic? No, it is because I have to leave the house at 5am to drive 40 miles to work! Where are all the REAL people? Where is the real advice? Instead we get nothing but hatred and accusations from stay at home moms who are HOME with their kids and STILL complain. Their kids have nannys and sport camps and scheduled activities so how much time do these complaining, judgemental people actually spend with their kids anyway? Have a great summer!

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  Posted by miss my family Wed Sep 9, 2009 5:44pm PDT

  Nope wouldn't let my 9,10,11,12,13,14 or 15 year old go anywhere alone. They would either have to be with me or another responsible adult. No matter how much begging they did. I hate the phrase "cut the cord" you know what God gave me my kids to raise them. Not to let them wander around and either get abducted, messed with, or out having sex, robbing people, or just generally getting in trouble. No where in the bible does God say "I gave you this child but I don't expect you to take care of him/her just let them roam around and get themselves killed or pregnant." You "cut the cord" when they're an adult before that they obey YOU.

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  Posted by Janet Tue Dec 1, 2009 8:30pm PST

  I have seen way too many over-protective parents in my middle/upper-middle class, well-educated western suburb of Boston. I think of myself as a very reliable, responsible parent and would fall some where between a "helicopter" and a "free-range" parent but I can't believe what goes on around me. I have given up dealing with the mother of one of my 11 1/2 year old son's friends. Although this mother seems to like our family and likes my son, every time we have invited her son to go some place, a museum , the movies or over for a sleep-over, he can never come. It has happened way too many times to chalk it up to a "coincidence" or bad-timing. My husband thinks this mother comes across as very nervous! Up until very recently, she called up to arrange "play-dates" for the boys. (This is when they were eleven! ) For our son's 8Th birthday we invited our sons' friends to a minor league baseball game in Manchester, NH a little over an hour away. Although I reassured all parents that there were going to be several parent chaperones, several boys could not come because their parents felt it was too far away!!! I think it pathetic to deny a young boy a wonderful afternoon at a baseball game just because the party occurred over the state line 1 1/4 hours away! Perhaps I am radical in my thinking, but I want my son to have as many experiences as he can and that we are able to afford. Do I worry about my child. Sure I do! Do I think about him 24/7? Sure I do! However, I would not deny him wonderful experience because of my anxiety!

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