Parenthood: The Race With No Finish

Goal setting and resolution making seem contradictory to parenthood. I can set the goal that Ben will be potty-trained by July or that Emily will be reading by October but I'm not the one that actually has to achieve these goals - they do. I remember years ago my parents lamenting the fact that parenthood NEVER stops. This idea that you are done when the kids are 18 is a ridiculous myth, because it is when they turn 18 that the job gets hard. It is at 18 when kids start making the really important life decisions and who is still there guiding them? Mommy and Daddy. How do you know when you've finally crossed the finish line of parenting? When are we done?

I suppose each parent defines parental success differently. Whether we consciously or subconsciously realize it we are all raising our children to be a certain kind of person and it is this idealized person that is our imaginary finish line. I want my children to be educated, inquisitive, imaginative, charitable, honorable, emotionally strong, physically healthy and spiritually happy.

Am I all those things?

I can't help but wonder if my parents have passed the parental finish line. I just called my mother the other day to ask her how to thread the bobbin in my sewing machine. I still call them to share my successes, ease my burdens, and calm my worries. Isn't that still parenting? Have I become the kind of person they set out to make me? And even if I have, does that free them from their parental duties?

I suppose our responsibilities lessen, our children grow less needy of us and us of them. Now, while my kids are little they need me to survive and as they enter young adulthood they will continue to seek my approval. Some day, some undefined moment they will need neither of these from me. They will be able to care for themselves and their family. Will I then cross the finish line? Parenting is made for the long distance runner. The person who is slow and steady, consistent in spirit, and bottomless in strength. I am not eager to reach the end of this race and would like to prolong the finish line for as long as possible.