Rude Mommy: Second Baby Showers

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  Posted by N Tue Oct 21, 2008 6:22pm PDT

  I can understand why you would think this person doesn't need another shower since they already had one, and that all the gift and registry info is a bit overkill. However, it kind of sounds like you're implying that a second child is not as important or as exciting as the first. In some ways, it's just as exciting, maybe even more so. It doesn't sound like you're very good friends with this mommy to be, judging from your posting and the fact that you had no problem declining. And to be perfectly honest, it's none of your business what they didn't keep from the first child or whether they went gender neutral with the sheets and toys. You can have your opinions, but who is it helping to get all upset by it all?

  I'm definitely not trying to be rude or attack you, I just think that if someone invites you to an event celebrating the coming birth of their child, that that means they wanted you there. Unless this person is extremely and ridiculously self centered, their party planner was probably just letting people know what they would like. If a registry is too pretentious, I would suggest a maybe a pretty blanket and a cuddly toy for when the baby is older.

  I totally don't think you're the rude one, but let's face it - At a shower, a gift is expected. That's the sad truth. And if you search online, at least 80% of invite examples tell you to include registry info.

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  Posted by Cheri Thu Oct 23, 2008 10:57am PDT

  No what Crab Mommy is trying to imply is that you were showered with gifts for the first child now why should I have to help you pick up the tab for the second one just because you found better stuff. Not to mention this person or shower planner picked the absolute tackiest why to ensure she got exactly what she wants (not necessarily needs but wants). There is no doubt this is a special occasion but this is her second child and the shower unless there are more than 10 years between the first and second child should be on a much smaller scale.

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  Posted by CassandraP Fri Oct 24, 2008 6:18am PDT

  I agree about already having the first shower and they don't need a second one. BUT I do not agree about registry. I don't have kids so they are so helpful to me! I buy an item they may need, then I pick out something I want them to have. It really is a helpful guideline for me. No one has ever said anything about going outside of the list. I actuall was irratated by a shower that didn't have a registry. I had no idea what to get.

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  Posted by Narul Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:37pm PDT

  Personally, I think it's very tacky and inappropriate to have a baby shower or registering for a second baby. It feels and looks like the parents are now looking for a handout for the second baby. Baby showers are and should be reserved for baby #1. People like the idea of getting free things and think they deserve to get more free things for the babies after their first one. That is so wrong. What is this world coming to where the freeloaders think baby showers are fun for everyone else who has to come bearing gifts? If someone wants to give a gift to the parents for their second, or third baby, that's up to the individual, but don't sign up for a registry list. That is just tacky and rude.

  From my own personal experience - a couple, Jason and Tammi (who aren't even married at all), is going to have their second child. They're registered and are going to have a second baby shower (very likely, I'm sure). We haven't received the invite yet because it's still early, but I know they will because they've been nothing but freeloaders since their first child was born. It's not surprising that they have a registry list going since it's in their nature to always put out a hand. And the worst thing is, since they mooched all these years, they were able to buy a house last year for $154K. They have a new car, brand new bedroom furniture (the whole set), very nice laptop and desktop, and their current child has braces to name a few. All the while, they kept saying they were poor and didn't buy anyone anything for wedding gifts, Christmases, etc. To me, they're nothing more than a welfare case, except it was at the expense of the people who knew them. I always said that they were crying wolf about being poor....and to my dismay, I was right! I was no more outraged than when I figured out that their being poor was just an act, which was 2 years after knowing them. How come poor people always end up being richer than those who have money and are honest and decent hard-working people? I don't get it.

  Not only do I despise the fact that they have a baby registry for their second child, I don't think that they should even be having a second kid before marriage. This time it was planned!!! They screwed up once already when they were barely of age, but now that they're REAL adults with jobs, you'd think they'd do right by the second kid and get married first at least. Now, they're going to do the same thing to the second kid and have kids at school laugh at their child for having parents that aren't married. I think that is so wrong and screwed up!! For whatever selfish reasons why they won't get married, probably monetary reasons if I had to guess (i.e., welfare, other handouts), they should, at minimum, think of their children.

  Bottom line is, I don't like people who live off of the system, whether the system be family and friends (in this case), or the federal government. People who abuse the system ruin it for others who really need to rely on the system to get by. This also refers to baby showers. Baby showers started as something that women did for a new mother-to-be because that new mother didn't know what things she needed for the new baby. It was an event meant to help novice mothers because they didn't have all this technology or books to refer to back in the day. Now, it seems like people are taking advantage of the gesture (system, if you will) by extending it to baby #2 and #3, and so forth. It's not right, not right at all.

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