Parenting

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Seriously: Kids learn manners (for $200) while mom and dad chill at the spa

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Photo Credit: Getty Images


I am a fan of teaching kids manners. I've always thought that it's primarily the role of parents to help their children learn the basics of etiquette.

Apparently I am wrong.

Instead, parents should be sending their kids to a class called The Art of Etiquette at Montage Laguna Beach while their "parents can schedule spa treatments and a poolside lunch at Spa Montage."

I'm serious. That is the exact pitch I received. Pay someone else $200 to teach a kid manners and mom and dad chill by the pool, get a message or mani/pedi (for an additional cost. A basic manicure starts at $65).

Here's the course description:

  • Day-to-day Manners and Etiquette: Please and thank you, self-respect and respect for others, respecting cultural differences, appropriate dress for today’s young people, “Netiquette” – cell phone and Internet etiquette
  • Common Courtesies: Name tags, shaking hands, eye contact, introducing yourself and others, how to address adults, comfortable conversation skills, standing, sitting, walking and posture, writing a simple thank you note, and telephone etiquette
  • Dining Skills: Napkins, silverware, styles of eating (American and European), place settings, serving yourself and others, dining out, how to read a menu, tips on tipping, how to deal with dining accidents, thanking your host and hostess
  • Tutorial Luncheon: Practice makes perfect: use all the etiquette and dining skills previously discussed in an actual four-course dining experience.
The five-hour course is taught by etiquette expert Kim Maxwell and is targeted at kids 5-17 years old to help them gain the "confidence and tools needed to build solid, productive relationships in life." Maxwell ia known as "The Etiquette Lady" and her regular clients are usually corporate execs.

Children's etiquette classes have been offered and attended for ages. I'm sure some folks think they are cute and fun. There's a part of me that thinks that as well. But it also reeks of pawning off Parenting 101 responsibilities. (Shoot, maybe $200 is a steal? Can they teach the kids to do laundry and clean their rooms too?)

But in all seriousness, why not involve the parents instead of shooing them away? Why not empower moms and dads with the tools to teach their own kids gain confidence through solid manners? Leading by example has to still stand for something.

Separating the idea that mom and dad chill at the spa, what's your take on sending kids to fancy etiquette/manners classes? Should they be learning this from their parents?
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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 23
  • springtime's Avatar
    Posted by springtime Wed Jul 9, 2008 3:11pm PDT

    I'm thinking all kids can benefit. Years ago, a friend of mine said,

    " We're so proud of " Muffy". She's ony 5 and knows to put her napkin in her lap. Well, now, isn't that just dandy? Little Muffy also reached acoss the table, chewed with her mouth open, and ate part of her salad with her hands. Simply adorable. But then her parents think it's fine to dine and talk on their cell phones at the same time. And by the way... how many parents know where the napkin should go AFTER the meal has finished?

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  • Marci's Avatar
    Posted by Marci Wed Jul 9, 2008 7:27pm PDT

    I think this is absolutely ridiculous. What ever happened to parents being the primary teacher of their children? Come on now. Teaching your child manners is YOUR responsibility as a parent. Why have kids if you are not willing to do what it takes to raise them, and paying someone else to teach them manners is not how you do it.

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  • zella66's Avatar
    Posted by zella66 Thu Jul 10, 2008 6:44am PDT

    Ah,,modern culture! One aspect of having someone else teach children anything at an early age is the disconnection and detachment from their parents; which will only make parents less able to guide the teenager that of course the child will become. Try guiding a teenager toward responsible behavior when she/he has not been taught/trained at the younger ages.

    Children are already experiencing this disconnect through television, video games, computers etc. Young boys especially need to bond early with both parents so parents can communicate loving guidance consistently into the teenage years.

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  • annmarie1013's Avatar
    Posted by annmarie1013 Thu Jul 10, 2008 7:14am PDT

    I think it's great! It's hard to teach what you don't know yourself. Though I'm not ignorant when it comes to manners, I will admitt I could use some polishing myself.

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  • trilby_parker's Avatar
    Posted by trilby_parker Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:41am PDT

    I agree that manners should be at the top of the list when it comes to parenting, especially in today's video/TV vs. personal interaction driven culture. From an early age, kids should be taught how to behave at a dinner table, how to properly shake hands, etc. and that comes directly from the parents. All true...but...four-course dinners? How often do normal families get to experience this? When do you get the chance to parent towards those experiences? Seriously, I think it's great to have someone other than you properly train your kids with this stuff. Being a good parent also means preparing them to be confident in any situation and this simply can't hurt. Not sure I'd agree with sending 5 year olds, but from 13-17, I say Bravo! Do it!

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  • Tiff's Avatar
    Posted by Tiff Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:52am PDT

    It's a great idea, but I also believe that manners should begin from the home. The children have more of a bonding experience with their parents when correction and introduction is coming from them....it is benefitial but also less productive when being taught from a complete stranger as to how to interact with the public, how to sit at the dinner table, how to say thank you, how to say hello and the such. It should no doubt, begin at home with mummy and daddy. =)

    Though as trilby_parker pointed out, how many families experience the four-course dinners and such? Not very many and so maybe this class would benefit the child then. But I would agree with the original blogger and suggest that the parents also be included in these classes so that they may interact with their child or even be able to witness their children doing such things....perhaps even the parents could learn a thing or two in manners.

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  • wwaaolcom's Avatar
    Posted by wwaaolcom Thu Jul 10, 2008 4:45pm PDT

    I believe it is up to parents to teach their kids. BUT I can also tell you that in some cases the kids just listen better to outsiders who will simply not cut them any slack or who have a system worked out that helps kids to learn. Case in point: I was not able to teach my young kids to ice skate -- despite several sessions on the ice, they could not handle the idea of letting go of me to try to skate on their own. The instructor I hired for them skated over, introduced herself, told them to "put your hands out like this, on your own magic table" and off they went following her while I stood there with my mouth open...

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  • Lucas W's Avatar
    Posted by Lucas W Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:51pm PDT

    Parents, teach your children!! Lead by example, your children need to see that you are involved with their life, and not wimping out and sending them to somebody else to teach them simple manners and obedience. Parenting 101 is YOUR JOB! How do you expect them to respect you and listen to you in their adolescent years if you aren't involved in their lives to earn respect and trust early on??

    If you don't know how to do the simple stuff, then I suggest you either learn first, or at least learn with them. The more time you spend together as a family, the better your family relationship will be. All parents must be teachers to their children. Teach them discipline, respect for authority, use their manners, right from wrong, and also rewards and consequences. I am amazed at how many parents are obedient to their children. To all the parents with unruly children, grow a back bone and set the rules for your children and for God's sake enforce them consistently. Kids need structure and rules to make them feel safe and loved in their own home. Don't be afraid to punish them for breaking the rules, they will learn to follow the rules.

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  • Jessica's Avatar
    Posted by Jessica Fri Jul 11, 2008 7:15am PDT

    I get the "parents teach your children" thing. Many of us do, however, what's the big deal if someone wants to send their child to etiquette class and get a "boost" for their kid? I'm all for it and if it were local I would most certainly send my two.

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  • flowergirl706's Avatar
    Posted by flowergirl706 Fri Jul 11, 2008 11:15am PDT

    Parents should be the ones teaching their kids. When you think about certain things, it doesn't make sense. Some ingnorant kids may act good for the teacher, but not at home. Also, if the kids don't do something right, are they punished? And how if they are? I'm pretty sure the only reason it may be attractive to some awful parents is the fact that they don't have to work. It's like that with daycares, too. Some parents send their kids even if they have no good reason. It's really sad. And I wish I could do something about it, but I can't. I'm sorry. I have manners too.

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Comments 1-10 of 23

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