Parenting

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Should Sitters “Love” the Kids?


By Sittercity.com

Should sitters "love" the kids? Ask a babysitter and she'll probably say, "Of course!" Especially considering that so many babysitters and nannies are in this profession because of their passion for children, it would make sense that a caregiver would become completely attached to her charges. 

But should she love them? One mom blogger, Amy Jo, over at Philly Moms Blog doesn't think so. 

"When my mom or my sister-in-law kisses my daughter and tells her that they love her, it's not unusual. But it is a little strange, for me at least, when the babysitter or teacher does so."



Amy Jo's Viewpoint: No, It's Strange  

Said the same mommy blogger:
 
"Maybe it's because I'm uncertain of the sincerity. For example, our if our teacher/babysitter friend said 'I love you' to my kids, I wouldn't be as uncomfortable as I would if a teacher that didn't know them so well said it. After all, isn't a major part of a mother's job to protect their children?"

"My oldest is only three and change, and I doubt he understands the difference between how his parents love him and how his teachers 'love' him. I would hate for him to suffer any kind of hurt over this confusion."
 
"Maybe it's because it's the end of the year and I'm thinking that some people might be trying to butter me up for end of year gifts. How else would you explain an aid I've never met and seldom seen in my daughter's building telling her she loves her right in front of me? I don't mean to be cynical, but, well, I guess I am." (emphasis ours)

Amy Jo admits that she is insecure and overprotective, but it's still insulting to think that a caregiver tells the children "I love you" simply to get a gift out of it. Cynical, indeed.
 


Jeanne's Viewpoint: Yes, It's Great!

Jeanne Sager over at Strollerderby wrote a rebuttal -- one that we applaud.

She said:

"Hold on a minute here. Doesn't everyone who 'loves' our kids love them in different degrees? You don't tell Great Aunt Sally not to say 'I love you' even though she sees them once a year and can barely remember their names, do you?"
 
"I chose my sitter based on a number of factors -- but the number one was how she related to kids. She genuinely likes being around them and caring for them. So yes, I believe she loves my daughter. Not the kind of all-consuming love that I have for her, of course, but a love that makes her take the kind of care of her that I'd want someone to take while I can't be with her."

"You can't just turn the mama/papa bear thing on during the hours you watch a child and turn it off when they walk out the door."


Sound Off
 
We agree with Jeanne. It's great if a caregiver says she loves your children. Someone else saying that they love your kids doesn't lessen, cheapen or otherwise affect your own love for them! Nothing can even compare to the love a parent has for his/her child -- so why is it even a competition in the first place?
 
If you're a parent whose caregiver says she loves your kids, those children are lucky to be surrounded by so much love.
 
Well, there -- we've said our piece. Now it's your turn. 

Read more child care articles and tips in the Sittercity.com Child Care Blog.
Follow Sittercity.com on twitter @sittercity.

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 52
  • Katie B's Avatar
    Posted by Katie B Thu May 28, 2009 9:59am PDT

    As a former babysitter, I have to say agree with Jeanne. The kiddos that I would babysat, I loved.. not in the maternal way naturally, but as if they were my own brother or sister. I would babysit some kids for hours on end each week because dad had to work some nights and mom was going to school, so I saw them quite a bit. I kissed their boo-boo's, helped them clean their rooms, told them stories, played games with them, watched tv with them, and this list could go on... I never once believed (or for that matter let the kiddos believe) that I was a replacement for their parents. But I did become the big sister to some of them, especially the older siblings that didn't have an older sibling themselves (much like myself)...

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  • jtjunkie's Avatar
    Posted by jtjunkie Thu May 28, 2009 7:13pm PDT

    Our sitter loves our kids and I think it's great. I know she takes great care of them!

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  • Catherine H's Avatar
    Posted by Catherine H Fri May 29, 2009 6:26am PDT

    I worked at a daycare for 2 and a half years and there was a little boy and a little girl that were under my care for most of the time as I started work in the infant room with them then moved to the toddler room about the same time they did and because the 2 year old room was too full kept both of them until about 2 and a half in my room. So I was these children's primariy caregiver for most of the time I was there. I love these two little ones. It made me sad when they turned 2 because they were growing up so fast. I knew these two before she was even crawling and he wasn't walking. I saw them learn to crawl and walk and talk and potty trained them both at the daycare. Everytime I am with them I treat them as they are my own children and I know that their parents love me and they do too. It is important for children to have relationships with people outside their immediate family. these children are 4 now and I look at how much they have grown and miss when they were little. They are going to be in my wedding next summer and i still look forward to everytime I get to spend the day with them.

    I have seen caregivers at the daycare who don't love the children under their care and I would always want to have my child's caregiver love them because it makes a huge diffence in how they take care of them. The caregiver that didn't love the children ran her room like bootcamp the kids were told what to do and what to play with, do you really want your children taken care of like that?

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  • kay's Avatar
    Posted by kay Fri May 29, 2009 7:33am PDT

    well, as someone who's done a lot of babysitting, i think it depends. i have had some families that i have babysat for for years (about 6). while i will admit, i have never said i love you to them, i certainly care for them like they were my own family. having watched them grow up, i definitely have a special place in my heart for them, i joke that they're like siblings i can give back later. and i know that with some of the families, they care about how i'm doing, how college is, and in general what's going on in my life.

    if i only babysit a child a couple times, i would not be saying i love them, but with children who you've pretty much grown up helping take care of, in a way they become an extended family of sorts.

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  • V.H's Avatar
    Posted by V.H Fri May 29, 2009 8:30am PDT

    I would welcome any caregiver who loved my child! Kids need to learn that love comes in many forms and friendship love is just as special as familial love. Kids develop bonds with people, pets, and favorite toys so the more bonds they develop, the more secure they feel, then the more capacity they have to love and care for themselves and others.

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  • RatnaJewel44's Avatar
    Posted by RatnaJewel44 Fri May 29, 2009 12:21pm PDT

    Ha, I babysit. Like she said, I love kids! I would never tell that to my charges... why babysit if you don't love kids?

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  • ladybella04's Avatar
    Posted by ladybella04 Fri May 29, 2009 12:47pm PDT

    When I was a nanny/babysitter, I always felt sort of like a big sister. You can't help but care about them when you spend so much time watching over them. However, I was always happy when my shift was over and I could give them back to mom/dad. I think the only kids I would ever say I love you to would be my own. It's probably confusing for the kids if you say I love you, because babysitters come and go- I think it's better to maintain some professional distance/boundaries so that the kids know not to get too attached, because you aren't like an aunt or uncle who will always be there.

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  • SFgal's Avatar
    Posted by SFgal Fri May 29, 2009 2:27pm PDT

    When I taught daycare, there were a couple of kids who I truly loved (more than the others, admittedly). It just happens. My daughter loves her daycare provider and her regular babysitter. They "love" her back, too, but of course, not in the way my husband or I do. I can tell her daycare owner is more partial to boys (she has almost said as much, she has 3 sons) and I have wondered if maybe , but I can tell that my daughter is my babysitter's true love of all the kids she watches adn that does make me feel good. I want my child's caregivers to genuinely care about her, and though I don't really expect (or want) them to love her as they would their own child, I like that we have a strong network of people who truly care about her--from family and friends, to neighbors and coworkers.

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  • tpds0830's Avatar
    Posted by tpds0830 Fri May 29, 2009 2:55pm PDT

    I worked for the first six months of my son's life. I had a few problems with babysitters quitting on me -- two people who didn't care about my son. Finally we were on my third sitter, and I could tell she loved my son. It was such a great feeling that even though I had to leave him, I knew he was with someone who cared about him so much that she would have done anything for him. The last day I picked him up, she cried. She got to know and bond with this amazing little man. I was honored that she watched my son for me. A truly amazing babysitter will love and care for your child - not just do it for the money.

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  • ckandw's Avatar
    Posted by ckandw Fri May 29, 2009 7:02pm PDT

    I know my nanny loves my child...and i couldn't be happier about it...I don't want someone that doesn't care about my child or me with him...I knew her for years prior to her being my nanny...She had just gotten married and the field she was going into paid very low...I said be my nanny you will make more i was 8 months prego at the time...and i said when you have a baby you can bring him here too...My son is now almost 3 and she has a one year old...she adores my son she has watched him since he was 6 weeks old...She would be a cold hearted terrible person not too...and there is one teacher at his preschool who worships him...i know he is her favorite...and you know what i'm so happy about that. The more love my son receives the happier and more confident he will become...yes you can get a little jealous at first...someone else that spends so much time with your child...but you get over it...when you know you can leave for work and your child is well taken care of...you will always be his parent and he will love you and you will love more then anyone else...the nanny''s and everyday sitters are pretty much gone at 5 when they go to school...So enjoy the fact someone loves your child and protects them for you while you are not there...

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