Parenting

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Social Consciousness 101.

by Wendy Sachs (How Does She Do It?)
My kids are now eight and six years old, which means they are still plenty self absorbed to believe that they are king and queen of the castle, but old enough at least I think, to start having some construct of a social conscience and a more accurate sense of the world.

I still have them believing in the Tooth Fairy – at least they pretend to so they can get compensated by the cash carrying Angel of Baby Teeth. And even though we don’t celebrate Christmas, my kids seem to still trust that there is a Santa and a gaggle of reindeer who fly on a pimped out sleigh dropping presents down a chimney. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the buzz kill type who exposes Santa as an overweight, over commercialized fraud. But as my children get a little older I’ve become more intent on grounding them and keeping it real.

Ever since my first toddler shrieked “Mine!” followed by, “I want that!” I’ve been desperate to figure out how to raise un-bratty, kind hearted kids with a social conscience. And every time we walk into a Target and my son Jonah wants a new Tech Deck to add to his massive collection and my daughter Lexi wants another Sharpay doll, I announce to my husband that it’s time to take our kids to visit a soup kitchen.

“When are they old enough to ladle?” I’ve asked the Mitzvah team members at my synagogue who help out at local soup kitchens and homeless shelters. Apparently, six and eight years old are too young to volunteer.

Maybe it’s the Obama effect or maybe it’s just a raised national social conscience, but community service and charitable giving has definitely trickled down even into the first grade and I am grateful for the backup. During the next few weeks, kids at our elementary school are encouraged to turn in their gently used coats and write notes to the new owners. The note is supposed to be placed into the coat’s pocket. This year the coat drive has become personal, not just theoretical.

It’s interesting and heartening to see Jonah becoming increasingly curious about the news. He wanted to know what happened in Fort Hood. And he recently talked about 9/11 and the planes that took down the World Trade Center. Jonah speculated that 9/11 could never happen again because “they must be making stronger buildings now.”I struggle with how to talk to my kids about horrific events like 9/11, the Fort Hood shootings and the bleak, inescapable realities of life.

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Wendy Sachs authors How Does She Do It? on Mommy Tracked. She is an award-winning television producer, former Capitol Hill press secretary and the author of the critically acclaimed book, How She Really Does It: Secrets of Successful Stay-at-Work Moms. Currently, Wendy works as a vice president at a NYC public relations agency where she represents high profile corporate clients and media personalities. She lives in New Jersey with her husband, Michael, and two children, Alexandra and Jonah.
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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 29
  • Robyn's Avatar
    Posted by Robyn Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:37pm PST

    good for you!!! i started with my little girl at age two when she soooooo many toys, i explained that she needed to choose toys for herself and toys for friends who had none. she did and has done it every holiday birthday ect without hesitation

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  • fools_and_sages's Avatar
    Posted by fools_and_sages Mon Nov 23, 2009 9:31pm PST

    As a college professor (and only 39 years old, so the generation gap isn't huge), everyday I experience first hand the results of parental over-indulgence and failure to install a work ethic or a sense of responsibility. By responsibility, I am referring to a young person's sense of obligation to others and to society in general as well as their ability to follow rules, meet deadlines, perform under pressure and do a good job on something even if they find it difficult or boring. Most young people today give up on anything they think is too hard. Most won't do anything they are not interested in. Most expect everything to be handed to them. Most expect to live by an individualized set of rules and expectations. In fact, many would prefer if they had no expectations of them at all. Most unfortunately, many of them do not even care what the consequences are for failing an exam, failing a course, or flunking out of college. They just figure, they weren't cut out for it and then they expect to be paid $50k a year to flip burgers or bag groceries.

    The best thing you can do is avoid handing them everything and emphasizing that they need to work for what they want. Denying a child something is not abusive, neglectful, or even mean. It is teaching them that have to earn privileges and rewards. Only give them rewards for a job well-done, not just a job completed. If they help you with something, praise them when they actually help and show them how to be helpful when they are really causing interference. Raise them to be hard workers, not spoiled slackers. Drive home the idea that the same rules apply to everybody equally, whether it's at school, in the legal system, at work, or anyplace else. Always enforce the rules and avoid bending them too often or too much. Don't raise kids to think society owes them. Raise kids to realize they need to give back to society. But don't emphasize that this duty exists because they have more than others. Instead, emphasize that they have the responsibility to be good citizens who can think critically, make rational decisions, and contribute to everybody's well-being by developing their skills and using them to make the world a better place.

    Getting them involved in volunteering is a good way to start. It teaches them to live up to obligations, manage their time so they have time for volunteering, and act responsibly towards the rest of society. But helping the unfortunate is not the only venue for volunteering. You could get them involved in nature conservancy groups, trash clean up in parks, animal shelters, or any of a thousand other volunteer options that probably exist in your area that do not reinforce classist ideals centered on charity. Social responsibility isn't just about the haves helping the have-nots. It's about doing anything that might be valuable to society.

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  • CarolB's Avatar
    Posted by CarolB Tue Nov 24, 2009 5:32am PST

    dont give in to giving them everything they want, instill work ethics and morals.

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