Describing the impending changes of womanhood to an 11-year-old
-Leslie Adler, BettyConfidential.com
Sydney and I were in the drug store, waiting on line to pay, when Sydney noticed the two elderly women in front of us. They were, I’m guessing, in their eighties. One had a walker the other was pushing their cart which had only two jumbo sized boxes of "Poise" pads in it.
“Mom, I think they’re sisters,” she whispered to me.
“Yeah, I think you’re right. Cute, huh?” I whispered back while imagining Sister Lovey and I one day taking care of each other.
“And look,” Syd said, “They still get their periods.”
Choking back a laugh (no, a huge guffaw) I say, “I don’t think that’s possible honey.”
“Then why are they buying those?” she asked pointing to the Poise.
“I think because of loss of bladder control,” I said.
Syd looked at me like I had three heads and said nothing till we got in the car.
“Mom, what do you mean by loss of bladder control?” Syd asked.
This made Syd laugh. “Oooooh Mom, it sucks being a woman. What else do I have to look forward to?”
Tough question. How much should I tell her? She is after all, only 11…..and we haven’t had lunch yet.
She jumps in before I can get started. “Mom, I forget, is your period every week or every month?
“That would be every month,” I tell her.
“Do you know when it’s coming?” she asked.
“Well, it doesn’t send you a telegram, but you will have ways of knowing,” I tell her.
Syd has no idea what a telegram is so she simply accepts my answer.
I need to change the topic.
“I think when you get old you sprout hairs out of your chin.” I blurt out.
“Really?” she said, as she leaned in to stare at mine.
“I said, when you get old, Sydney. I am not old……yet.”
“Oh,” she said, smirking.
“And I think you have to take stuff like prune juice and Metamucil to make poops,” I add.
“That will never be a problem for us,” Syd said cheerily.
“And I think your boobs fall so low that you have to throw them over your shoulder to wash your belly underneath,“ I tell her.
“Mommmmmmmm!, “she screeches. “Seriously, boys don’t have any of this stuff. It's not fair.”
“Yes, but boys are stupid Sydney and we are not,” I tell her, knowing this will be the satisfying conclusion she is looking for.
“True,” she mumbled as we got out of the car for lunch.
I went around and grabbed her hand for the walk to our next destination and asked her, “Are we poised for a life of women stuff Syd?”
“I think we’ll be okay, Mom.”
Yes we will … I love you mini-me.
May we always keep the conversation goin’
Leslie Adler is a mother, lawyer and "friend-proclaimed
humorist." She blogs at thevuvclub.com
Read more about parenting from BettyConfidential.com:
Moms Who Eat Their Words and
True Mom Confession: I Regift My Son's Gifts
