The Crazy (Expensive) World Of Competitive Kids' Sports

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  Posted by SHANNON R Sun Nov 15, 2009 6:39pm PST

  I feel for you, youth sports have become quite a commitment, in every sense of the word! Of my 6 kids, 2 play competitive soccer with all the fees that go with it, and 3 play travel lacrosse. Not to mention the football, basketball and wrestling that they do in "the off season". And the dance the little girls do. We often have people tell us were crazy, but our feeling is if we are going to put in time and effort and money anyways, why not get the best we can. Good luck to you and you family!

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  Posted by Kelly Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:02pm PST

  wow poor kid has no life apart from soccer, and would you let him quit if he wanted too...?

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  Posted by Frank Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:45pm PST

  Jessica's post reminds me of a couple we knew years ago. The wife was bright, witty, and charming. Her husband was utterly incapable of producing a sentence which didn't contain the word ball. Truly pathetic. Is that the path to which you aspire for your son?

  Jessica, you're absolutely right, they're only children for so long. Sports don't develop character, they reveal it. If you REALLY admire the traits you cite, don't shirk your responsibility and delegate their development some overpaid coach whose only priority is to win.

  Your mention of athletic scholarships from obsessed alumni makes my blood run cold. There is no faster way to destroy a child than to nourish an undeserved sense of entitlement, and that's exactly what athletics in school is all about. Be honest, the jocks in your high school were a privileged class. Often underachievers, but always treated like royalty. I guarantee that if your son is as good as you say, the coaches at school are salivating over him, even at his tender age.Your son is polite and appreciative now, but how will he be when he hits his teens after years of being assured that he's superior to his peers for being able to transport a ball around a muddy field?

  Save your kids from the barbarians, please! Before it's too late, gather your kids together. Admit that you got carried away and lost your sense of perspective. Then promise them that it won't happen again. Any competent parent wants to raise a Renaissance man, not a neanderthal. Too many people in today's society don't want to admit that sports is only a tiny sliver of life, and not even one which makes a tangible contribution to that life. You've dipped into the dark side. If you're willing to make the effort, your family can emerge unscathed. Just keep telling yourself, "It's only a game". Remember that even a fraction of the same energy he's using now, when applied to his studies, will discover a talent, and a love, for some useful skill which will vastly improve his future life. Don't let him turn into some semi skilled loser whose only claim to accomplishment is reliving his long forgotten "triumphs" on the playing field. Now let him go play soccer, but not until his chores and his homework are done!

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  Posted by Robyn Sun Nov 15, 2009 10:10pm PST

  with all that time and money i really hope the kid is wanting to do it and isn't doing it for you

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  Posted by SHANNON R Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:56am PST

  Frank, get a grip on yourself. Athletics can be a truly positive influence on children. Not only are my kids very involved in sports, but my husband and I were college athletes who both received scholarships. We are not neanderthals, we are educated, well rounded people who cherish the time we had on the field. Many of our closest friends are teammates and former coaches. Sports teach children responsibility, teamwork and how to win and lose gracefully. Of course I don't allow some overpaid coach to instill this in them, my husband and I do. We find sports is a great tool to use in doing this. My children also understand that school, family and religion come first, but they also understand dedication and commitment to something other than themselves. My children spend very little time in front of a t.v. or video game, sports has helped them learn the value of good health and nutrition. They also understand that they are student-athletes, student being first. Either your grades are good and you are behaving the way you should or you don't play.

  It doesn't matter to me if my kids get scholarships or not, the lessons they will have learned on the field, the friendships they will have made and the memories they will have are priceless.

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  Posted by Stacey Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:36am PST

  Sounds like Frank is stating worst-case scenario. Sure, there are extremes, but it's not like every athlete kid will turn out to be the underachieving-royalty-jock. Lots of factors: kid's personality, parents' approach, community situation, school culture.... I was an athlete, mediocre at best, who will forever be grateful for the time/financial sacrifices I know my parents made to allow me to do something I loved (but would never get paid to do). Like Shannon said, I think most kids gain many valuable lessons from sports: focus, time management, goal setting, dealing with a variety of emotions, teamwork, physical education.... Pretty sure video games and tv don't do much for those.

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  Posted by Manic Motherhood™ Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:38am PST

  My SIL had a soccer scholarship and still plays. I don't think it turned her into a neanderthal or over-privileged thug, either. It's just something she is passionate about. Everyone has something they enjoy doing and it's nice to see it continue.

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  Posted by Frank Tue Nov 17, 2009 11:13pm PST

  I have to say I'm delighted to see the sort of reasonable responses my comment on Jessica's post elicited. I expected that if my thoughts drew any response at all it would be from the lunatic fringe. Sports seems to be a great polarizer of opinions, and I do realize that mine is in the minority. Of course, not every kid on a team will turn into a thug, but the mindset is deeply ingrained into the sports culture. As I said before, just look back to high school. You have to admit that the sports clique got away with things where no one else would have had a chance. In many cases the level of tolerance for bad behavior appears to be inextricably linked to athletic ability. I also freely admit that as better communication worldwide shines lights in dark corners, less can be swept under the rug in the modern world. It's too slow, but it thrills me, for the simple reason that I'm old enough to remember when gifted athletes got away with just about anything that didn't require concealing a corpse. In short, I have hope that the day may come when a lack of interest in sports doesn't ostracize people, and the obsessive fanaticism that's still all too common will be rare. I'm talking about sports riots, little league parents who have to be banned from games, incurable brain damage in high school football players, the fact that no actual work appears to get done the day after the super bowl etc, etc,etc. I believe that organized sports and the the attitudes which have fostered them are a mess, and enough is enough.

  I need to make one thing crystal clear right now. I'm not all opposed to people playing games for fun. We all do it in one way or another. It's only natural to find a way to relax. The danger comes when your interest in any sport becomes so all encompassing that you start to believe it's actually important. Paradoxically, the more important it becomes to you the less healthy it becomes for you. For too many people uncontrolled interest in team sports has squeezed real life into the odd, neglected corners of daily existence. How often do you see fans vicariously elevated into ecstasy or plunged to the depths of despair by the performance of “their” team. Take note of fights at ball games, riots after, assaults on and by players and officials starting with children's programs and ending with the pros. I'm sorry folks, that's seriously sick. Think I'm exaggerating? Try this. In a couple months, when you're asked about it, say offhandedly that you didn't watch the super bowl and haven't any idea who won. You'll get a warmer response by announcing you have leprosy, and you'll be treated that way too. For too many people, team sports have become the filler for people who have nothing else inside and a surrogate life for those too unmotivated to make anything of their own. It's like crack, easy to get hooked, hard to break free.

  So I guess the crux of my concern is that it's OK to have fun, but don't, and for heaven sake don't let your children, get tunnel vision. For the spectators, it's a game. Except for local games, you don't know those folks, they don't know you. If it entertains you to watch, OK, but remember, it is entertainment, not life and death. For players, you're mastering a skill set with no real world application (a few exceptions exist). Don't harness your life to it. For a lucky few teams, coaches try to teach these concepts. I noted an article in Reader's Digest a couple months ago about one who stresses values above winning. Guess what? His kids win. It's the kids character that comes first. Parents have largely shaped it long before most kids see their first coach, so I stick to my premise that sports reveal rather develop character. With any luck, you'll get a coach who reinforces your values, but monitor constantly. If the influence is negative, do what you'd do about any other unhealthy situation.

  Now, does anyone else think Jessica's treadmill lifestyle is bit over the top?

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  Posted by Amy Wed Nov 18, 2009 2:03pm PST

  I played competive sports growing up, and did the whole traveling all over the country year round to play. I just want you to continuously ask your self if your son is loving what he is doing, and whether it is what is best for your WHOLE family for him to be playing at the level he is playing at or beyond. I saw first hand what my competitive sports playing did to my family. My little sister got far less attention than I received, and she did not have the same opportunities to explore her interests as I did because she was always forced to go to practices, tournaments, etc. with me and the family. Also, my parents had absolutely no life. No interests beyond me playing sports, and their whole world revolved around me and my schedule instead of their own relationship between themselves and the rest of the family.

  I also started to realize as I grew older that me being good at the sport I played somehow made my parents feel good about themselves. So, when I got older and wanted to explore other things, they tended to guilt me into continuing to play. They would let me know about all the time and money that they spent for me to play this sport, and that they did this so that I could go to college on a scholarship.

  I did go to school on a scholarship, what a lot of people dont realize is that to play any college sport, you are asking the player to have between 5-6 hours a day devoted strictly to that sport on top of the student spending time on education.

  I did horrible my first two years of school because I could not find the time that I needed to devote to my studies. my first priority according to my parents, and my coach was to play sports, not to get an education.

  I finally stood up and told my parents that I did not go to school to become a professional softball player, and I decided that it was not worth it to play on the university team (even with the scholarship) As a result, I got much better grades and got into lawschool. Most of the girls who were on my team are now junior high coaches. Not that this is a bad career, it just was not what I wanted to do with my life. Unfortunately the schedule that you have in college sports, it leaves little time for most students to get harder degrees.

  So, you really need to think about what is best for your son. Even if he plays competitive sports throughout highschool, you need to think about how it is affecting his education. Although sports can be very good for a person to learn the value of hardwork, and of teamwork, it is not nearly as important as what he needs to be learning in the classroom.

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  Posted by Frank Wed Nov 18, 2009 4:32pm PST

  Amy's post illustrates EXACTLY what I'm trying to say. The only place I disagree with her is when she says junior high coaching isn't a bad career. I think it is,because it perpetuates the fallacy that we need professionals to teach us to play games. In my opinion sports should be divorced completely from school, because, as Amy's experience shows so beautifully, it doesn't play well with an education.

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