Okay, I'm going to tell it like it really is, no holds
barred. My second child is getting the shaft, every
day. There, I said it. It doesn't make it okay, but at
least it's out there.
It started on Day #1 of the baby's life. It was
his birth day, for goodness' sake, and somehow his big
brother was the one getting all the presents. We were so worried
that Noah not feel jealous, or neglected, or angry, about the
baby's arrival, that we brought gifts
for him to the hospital so that we could tell
him that they were from the baby when he came to visit.
And it didn't stop there - far from it. We'd be in the
middle of doing something for Noah, and the baby would cry, and
we'd have to finish what we were doing before getting to the
baby. To be sure, it was only the matter of a few minutes, but I
can assure you that when Noah was a baby, the second he made a
peep, we were by his side, trying to figure out what he needed.
Noah's bedtime ritual as a baby was over an hour long. I'd
put him in a relaxing, warm bath, give him a massage with baby
lotion afterward, snuggle in the rocking chair with him reading him
books, beginning from the time he was two or three months old. Who
has time for that now? Sam's bedtime ritual is at most, twenty
minutes. He shares the bath with his big brother, which means
getting splashed, bumped, and soaked by all the bouncing around (I
mean, he LOVES it, but still - it's a far cry from the
luxurious soaks with bubbles that I used to give Noah!) After the
bath, I've got both of them to get to bed, so after a story or
two at the most (always of Noah's choosing), Sam's given a
bottle and deposited unceremoniously into his crib. He's
perfectly happy with this whole chain of events and goes to bed
without a peep, but I am left feeling terribly guilty when I
remember what I used to do with Noah.
And weekends! My goodness, the weekends are entirely focused around the big brother. Birthday parties, soccer games, play dates, bike rides - we bounce around from activity to activity, with Sam uncomplainingly in tow.
So I've come to the unfortunate conclusion that second
children just plain and simply get shafted. He gets a ton of love
and affection, no doubt, and of course all of his most basic needs
are met at all times. But the sordid truth is, it's that
undivided attention, that complete focus around one individual,
that Noah's gotten since he was a baby and we're just
not really replicating for Sam. And I feel terrible
about that. It doesn't help that he's a sweet, sunshiny,
happy baby who seems thrilled to just go along with whatever his
big brother wants, needs, and likes. If he complained a little
more, maybe we'd adjust! But we haven't.
How do you balance life with two children? I'm all ears....
