I heard the dreaded question last week. Actually,
I heard the dreaded question a couple of months ago and thought we
had put the issue to rest. I found some horrifying youtube videos
and forwarded them to my teenage daughter in hopes of convincing
her that a belly button piercing is nothing she needs to complete
her teenage experience. After viewing the videos, she agreed that
she didn't want one.
Until last week. She's back on the piercing discussion.
Here's the thing about my daughter, though. She's smart and
very adept at negotiating. She was the toddler who would ask for 2
pieces of candy when I offered one, then ask for five, so I'd
turn down the five and give her 2...before I even knew what was
happening. So when she started the piercing discussion with what
she's already ruled out: an ankle tatoo or a nose piercing, I
knew I was in trouble. When she furthered her argument by
addressing all of my valid concerns, I knew there was no turning
back.
1. Why? I say: All along, I've said that my over-riding issue
with any kind of body piercing is the
what's-the-point-of-it-all. Simple ear piercings I get. For
boys, it is a stretch, but I get it. However, when I see teenagers
with nails through their eyebrows, nose rings, earlobe extenders, a
thousand ear cartilage piercings, or lip jewelry, I wonder if they
own a mirror. It really isn't a good look. I think of
things like: would I hire this person to take care of my child,
would I give this person a job that involves the general public, or
do I want my son/daughter to date this pierced, mutilated person
that obviously has issues? She says: It is hard to talk to someone
who is so judgmental. Just because a person has piercings or tatoos
doesn't mean he or she belongs in juvenile hall. Other cultures
use piercings and tatoos as decorations or marks of beauty or
heroism and just because our current, mainstream culture
doesn't accept it doesn't make it wrong. It is sad to think
your perspective is so narrow.
2. Longevitiy I say: Fine, I'm judgmental. But when you are my
age, trust me, you aren't going to want a skull and rose tatoo
on your ankle or a big hole in your nose. It may seem beautiful and
counter-culture now, but when you are running for President of the
United States, I bet you'll regret those earlobe extenders. She
says: Ha Ha. That is why a belly button piercing is perfect. You
don't see it and you can take it out if you want to. And, if I
am interviewing for a job that needs to see my belly button, you
probably wouldn't want me working there anyway.
3. Back to Why? I say: Good point. But, if you can't see it,
why do it? She says: Mom. Now you're being argumentative. It is
cute in the summer with a bathing suit and I really like the way it
looks. Think of all the celebs that have one...Britney Spears,
Paris Hilton, Vanessa Hudgens. It is a my-generation thing.
Besides, you wear one-pieces now.
4. Me versus You I say: Easy on the one-piece. I've had 5 kids
and don't want to scare the young kids at the pool. Wow.
Britney Spears, Paris Hilton -- the iconic role models for your
generation. My generation didn't do this kind of stuff. If we
wanted to push the envelope, we'd get a second ear piercing.
That was really living on the edge. I'm know I'm older but
I still don't want you doing anything to yourself that I have
to look at everyday and wonder why. She says: Fine. I promise I
won't get any visible, face-altering tatoos or piercings. I may
want to get a small tatoo when I turn 18, though. On my hip...where
no one will see it. OK?
5. Where Do We Go? I say: A tatoo? You're killing me,
kid. OK. A belly button piercing is fine. Where do we go? She says:
You're the best. Thanks, mom.
We went this week. I have to admit, set against all of the other
possibilities, a belly button piercing seemed pretty innocuous. I
just had to get past the boa constrictor in the waiting room and
the earlobes that would make Buddha jealous. I wished the guy would
have tied them in a bow and out of the way when he talked so they
wouldn't have wobbled to and fro when he tried to explain the
process of the piercing. Judgmental? No, just disgusting. At least
my daughter got my point about doing something to yourself without
a point of return. She and her friend went back into the room while
I waited outside with the snake. I flipped through Glamour magazine
reading about hot sex tips to turn your guy on since the current
issue of Piercing Today held no interest.
As I waited for her screaming, I realized that I was glad I was
here with her. I still don't know that I get it, but I'm
sure that's not the point. Being able to support her in doing
something that she wants to do even if I'm not in favor is an
important step in parenting a teen. Understanding the difference in
setting very firm boundaries with her relating to her safety or our
family values and allowing room for her to make choices that run
contrary to my point of view is what will help her guide her into
adulthood. After all, she leaves for college soon and I have to
start letting go.
She came out of the room with a big smile and as much as I hate to
admit it, her piercing is kind of cute. Maybe after my tummy
tuck....
3/26 Update: Just saw the cover of People magazine. Valerie
Bertinelli is on the cover showing off her bikini and HER BELLY
BUTTON PIERCING! She's 48. That's it. I'm not going to
be outdone by someone older than me. I'm going to figure out
what to do with the tire around my middle and then go back to Mr.
Ears Hang Low!
TO PIERCE OR NOT TO PIERCE, THAT IS THE QUESTION
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Comments 1-4 of 4
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Posted by Sat May 2, 2009 11:44am PDT
Report AbuseI like your style. I also have 5 children, although 3 are grown and gone, I still have a 12 and 7 year old at home. My two older daughters went through the body piercing phase. My 27 year old still likes hers,but my 23 year old dicovered that she didn't like her belly piercing after she became pregnant this year. She said it was a big mistake. I just looked at her and smiled.
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Posted by Thu May 21, 2009 12:34pm PDT
Report Abuseyou need to grow the hell up and let your kids do what they want peircings arent permenant if they end up not likeing them they can eaisly take them out, and the wholes will close up. im 17 i have have my lip eyebrow and toung peirced. now hold on there buckkkooo i have a very respectable job many friends and a good rep i wear a small dimond unger my lip about the size of a circle on the percent sign on the keybord. % very femine also in my eyebrow i wear a small ball rughly the same size maybe a little bigger with dimond balls so i dont apprechate your discrimination yes i own a mirror in fact i have at least one in every room in my house. im glad my mom lets me freely express my self. i feel sorry for your contaimed child and remember yes you are the parent and they are your child but you shouldnt be able to tell them how they have to look
thanks peace.
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Posted by Mon Jun 8, 2009 2:57pm PDT
Report AbuseHi again,
I'm really laughing now, sorry it's not because of anyting YOU said this time. But, I think you know why I'm LMAO. This is hilarious, Kristy, I really mean it. LMAO
Carol
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Posted by Thu Jun 11, 2009 2:23pm PDT
Report Abusegood for you. letting your child get a peircing that you didn't agree with is a very mature thing to do. Even if you had said no she might have had one of her friends do it with a saftey pin. which is potentialy very dangerous. Thank you for bringing her to a trained profesional. Go ahead and get one yourself especialy if wanting to will help you be more fit and healthy.
Comments 1-4 of 4
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