Until I became
pregnant, I generally believed being a woman both hurt and helped my
career – it all came out in the wash, so to speak. When I became
pregnant, I hit the glass ceiling twice. First interviewing while
pregnant, and then getting underpaid by my old firm (see Economics of Maternity).
Those experiences scarred me, even though I ultimately made the most of
them. But lest you think my being a woman is only a disadvantage now,
here are my top ten reasons why being a professional woman and working
mother rocks.
1. I have perspective. Before children,
my job was my primary identity. A small pebble thrown into the pond of
my career made ripples akin to throwing a boulder. Perhaps this meant
I paid more attention to even the smallest details, but I’d garner that
it made me slightly neurotic about events at the margins. Overthinking
the small stuff can paralyze you (as my wise husband so gently reminds
me). Now, I have perspective. I can distinguish a pebble from a
boulder, and I know what matters.
2. I’m a better listener and empathizer.
Children demand a mother’s emotional focus, even on the third aisle in
the grocery store on Thanksgiving eve. There’s a sense of immediacy to
children’s needs, no matter how mundane. Many of my colleagues behave
similarly. My newfound ability to focus and empathize in the moment to
someone else’s concerns has proven invaluable.
3. I am more decisive. Being a mom makes you responsible for 9,000 decisions every day. Should my daughter wear a sweater? Will she eat green beans for lunch? How much sunscreen should I put on her? How should I reprimand her for throwing her food? Does this dog look kid-friendly? Did she sleep enough at naptime? Is this babysitter an appropriate caretaker? I cannot analyze each decision for hours before I make them. In fact, being a good mother means being able to make the right decisions in the moment, more often than not. Speed of response is a virtue, so is moving forward in the face of an imperfect decision. And that has bled into my career. When a decision needs to be made, I make it. Done. Next.
4. I appear more mature.
Perception is everything. I am a blonde, relatively attractive female
who looks young for my age (a trait that I shall welcome in my forties
and fifties but have begrudged in my twenties and thirties). Being
married with children has given me a little more gravitas, somehow
marking me as someone of substance and commitment.
5. I speak with more authority. Like
sharks, children sense fear and uncertainty. If you show an iota of
hesitation, you’re finished. So speaking with confidence and authority
(even when you don’t feel it) becomes hard-wired. This is an
extraordinary skill to have in business. I cannot say I didn’t have
some of it before I was a mother, but I am significantly more
comfortably with authority now.
6. I can multi-task. Ever seen a mom get ready for a roadtrip? It’s like a one-woman three-ring circus: bags getting packed; kids getting calmed; fish getting fed; husbands getting mobilized; makeup getting applied; laundry getting dried; emergency contact information getting emailed. Somehow everything on the list gets done on time and well. Not that dissimilar to closing a deal at the office.
7. I can look good without confusion.
When I was single, if I came dressed to the nines at the office, it was
inevitably a proposition, of sorts. Sometimes it helped me, sometimes
it hurt me; often it was misconstrued. Now, as a mom, I can get
gussied up and no one confuses it for an invitation. It’s just me, a
mom, trying to look good. People appreciate that (particularly since I
probably don’t do it enough).
8. I can problem-solve. Ever had two
toddlers over for a playdate? Inevitably, it’s a battle of “Mine” and
“Mine” over one toy. The mom either finds a creative way to make it
look like there really are two key rings or creates tit-for-tat ground
rules for sharing. Mediating office politics isn’t really that
different. You need in-the-moment solutions to potentially eruptive
problems.
9. I accept responsibility.
The buck stops with mothers. When I turned my head for one moment and
my toddler touched the still-hot fireplace door, it was my fault. When
I failed to warn our guests of slamming the bathroom door and it woke
my daughter up, it was my fault. When I dropped her off at school
without a change of clothes and her diaper leaked, it was my fault.
None of this means I’m a bad mother, simply that I am a mother. I am
ultimately responsible for my child. And no creative, legalistic
splicing of the word “am” changes that. Being willing in my career to
also step up and take unmitigated responsibility has strengthened me. For instance, it gave me the courage to say what needed to be said about my old firm.
10. I take myself less seriously. When
my daughter had chicken pox, a double ear infection, the stomach flu,
and a burned finger all during the same 10-day period, you can imagine
what I looked like, particularly when I was covered in vomit and
tears. But that’s okay. Just like when I crawl around the wood floors
barking like a dog and braying like a donkey to my daughter’s giggling
delight. Or when I wear my pjs down the street on a Sunday morning
just so my daughter can push her John Deere tractor. I am more than
simply a pulled together professional; I am a physical comedian with a
fashion-forward sense of style. And I love that freedom.
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This post was originally published on www.DamselsInSuccess.com and was authored by Allison Kingsley.
