True Mom Confessions and Answers with Brett Berk: 3 Reasons you should NOT spank your kids.

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  Posted by John M in NC Mon Sep 22, 2008 7:13am PDT

  Sounds to me like that article was written by someone who has never been a parent. And the fact that he wrote a book titled "The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting" tells me that he never will be a parent.

  People with no parenting experience need to stay out of discussions regarding parenting. The most truthful statement in this post is the one saying that "They don't need a friend - they need a parent." I have seen parents that go overboard trying to be their child's best friend and wonder what they are doing wrong when the child does things wrong.

  The biggest compliment you can get from a child is a screaming (because they are upset about being punished) "I hate you" or "You're ruining my life" when you properly discipline them. After they have time to think about the situation and realize that you are trying to keep them safe from a bad situation, they eventually thank you and tell you that they truly love you (particularly if the situation you blocked them from doing involved their friends either being busted for a crime and going to jail or getting involved in a horrible car wreck).

  If you child never gets mad at you for disciplining them and never says "I hate you" during their pre-teen and teenage years, you are doing something wrong.

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  Posted by MistressMinx Mon Sep 22, 2008 10:38am PDT

  I have to agree with John M. This guy shouldn't be giving out parenting advice. And, frankly, no one should. The only person who can decide what is right for your family is well, your family. I'm the only who has a say in how I raise my child. Just me.

  Secondly, I have to take offense to Mr. Berk's quote: I could always tell which kids in my pre-school class were spanked at home; when problems arose, they would get more and more wound up, waiting for the hammer to drop.

  Really? You could just tell? In fact, I generally think its the opposite. The kids who continue to get more and more wound up are the ones who don't have any discipline at home.

  This isn't to say I'm all in favor of spanking, but I also don't think children will be irreparably damaged by the occassional swat.

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  Posted by proud_momma_whatley Mon Sep 22, 2008 10:39am PDT

  I COMPLETELY AGREE. IF YOU DONT HAVE KIDS AND YOU DONT GET PUT THROUGH THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER OF PARENTHOOD, THEN DONT COMMENT AND ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHATS ITS LIKE. AND ON THE DISCIPLINE ISSUE, IF A CHILD IS NOT DISCIPLINED AND SHOWED RIGHT FROM WRONG ONE DAY YOULL HAVE A MESS ON YOUR HANDS. ILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO MAKE SURE MY CHILDREN HAVE AND USE MANNERS AND RESPECT.

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  Posted by Shannon is in love with Shine Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:15am PDT

  I can't stand the parents that only use words with their kids. "ohh... Jimmy, we don't do that, that's not nice" yea, that works on a kid under the age of 2, but come on!! lets be realistic. Kids need discipline. now, I am not saying that you should spank for every little situation, but a swat on the hiney in a well deserved situation works wonders for my 4yo.

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  Posted by M.M. B Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:18am PDT

  This man has worked with thousands of kids - I think he has enough experience and knowledge to give a substantial opinion. I know many women who go to men gyn/obs - just because they are men doesn't mean they don't understand female anatomy.

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  Posted by laforet19 Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:19am PDT

  What's troubling about the three comments left here is that you all seem to assume that spanking/hitting your child is the ONLY way to discipline them. I agree with Brett that, yes, occasionally it will get to a point with your child that you will use corporal punishment, but we should only use it when all other methods are futile.

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  Posted by MistressMinx Mon Sep 22, 2008 12:03pm PDT

  M.M. B - I don't think it matters that he has worked with "thousands of kids". Parents experience something that no one else does - up all night with sick kids, gallon jugs of juice spilled on the floor because someone "wanted to do it all by myself", knocked over plants, soccer schedules, etc., etc., etc. Unless you are a parent, you don't know what its like.

  And, no matter how perfect we want to be as parents, it just isn't happening. No matter how hard we try. We all end up tired, stressed and occassionally a bit short tempered. And, different things work for different kids. It isn't a one-size fits all discipline method.

  laforet19 - no one here says that spanking is the ONLY way to discipline them. No one here seems to be advocating that. We are only saying that the occassional swat isn't going to send them to therapy for the next 20 years.

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  Posted by csmom Mon Sep 22, 2008 12:45pm PDT

  well put mistressminx! I just love to hear non-parents tell parents how to raise their children.. I don't think any amount of schooling can prepare you for raising children in this crazy world. I do understand that some parents can take it too far but to say that occasionally spanking your child is going to lead to your children needing therapy is just crazy. Also, the children that are noticed in school settings are not the children that have been spanked but the children that have not had discipline.

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  Posted by DMLady Mon Sep 22, 2008 1:42pm PDT

  Ok, I am a non-parent but even I don't agree with Mr. Berk. I can count, on one hand, the number of times both of my parents gave me a swat and I can honestly say that I completely deserved it each and every time. Why? Because I crossed a line that they warned me not to cross. I do not think that what they did was child abuse or that they did it because "they lost control". They warned me, I didn't listen, I got smacked. Plain and simple. My older sister does the same thing with my niece (who is 8). She gets a couple of warnings and if she chooses not to listen, my sister will give her a light smack on her backside. Sure, my sister could send my niece to a "time out", and she has, but there are times when my niece won't listen. What is my sister supposed to do? Grab my niece by the hair and drag her to her room? Now THAT would be considered abuse. The "experts" need to lighten up, get out of our living rooms and let the parents raise their child as they see fit.

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  Posted by Mimi Rocks Mon Sep 22, 2008 3:34pm PDT

  LMAO!!! I am not a mother...yet but i am a product of "ass whoopings," I don't know what spankings are...lol. I believe that children need to get spanked now and then especially when they did something wrong. Parents shouldn't feel bad for hitting their children b/c it in-stills discipline and respect. I have cousins and friends with children and i see what difference between children who get spankings and those who don't.

  A child is not going to check themselves, you have to check them. How do they know that hitting their sister or mother is wrong...you have to tell them to stop and if they don't then you have smack their hand or bottom.

  Children especially needs a parent to be a parent when they newborns to 12 years of age and that means having to spank them every now and then. As they reach teenage years, parents need to loosen, a tad bit, the reigns and allow their children to grow and make mistakes but speak to them about correcting their ways.

  Bottom line is that parents have to exude control of their children and the situations that they will get themselves into.

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