Parenting

Friday, December 4, 2009

TV-Free: Why does not having a television make me so unpopular?


by Kate Haas

My family doesn't own a television. Our boys don't watch TV. And here's the thing: this is not about you. I didn't want to let the no-TV thing slip. I don't, usually. But my five-year-old spilled the beans when your daughter mentioned Dora and now you're opening your mouth to speak and I know what's coming. So please believe that my choice to raise children without television has nothing to do with how I view you and your family.


I'd like to explain how it happened, how my family came to inhabit this lunatic fringe of American society. I'd tell you that I credit my lifelong identity as a happy reader to growing up in a home without television, myself. I'd tell you about the books filling that house, and the hours after school spent immersed in their wondrous scenarios: a wardrobe leading to another world; a mean girl spouting toads from her mouth; kids my own age running away to the Metropolitan Museum! I'd describe how deeply satisfying it is to see my own son curled up on the couch, lost in a book the way I used to be.


I wish I could say all that. In the few seconds after I ruefully admit that my son was right, we don't have a TV; and just before you quickly assure me that your kids only watch PBS and nature shows, I want to tell you about the books, mother at the playground, fellow mother. I want to assure you that my decision not to have a television isn't about you. It's about me and The Chronicles of Narnia. But I'm afraid you won't see it that way. Because I've had these encounters before, and I know how this plays out.


My decision not to have a television isn't about you.
It's really not necessary to describe your struggle to limit TV-watching to two hours per day. You don't have to justify anything to me and this awkward confession is none of my business. Believe me, I'm not sitting in judgment. Isn't raising kids hard enough without that? Besides, it's not as if the no-TV stance isn't going to result in power struggles at my house. I put my own parents through it and expect my boys to do the same. In fact, it's too bad you weren't around to hear my son's response when a friend asked him why we don't have a television. "Because my mother doesn't love us," replied the little stinker, with a sneaky grin in my direction.


Other parental decisions don't seem so fraught to me, at least at the level of personal interaction. My first son was formula-fed, and despite what we're all led to believe, I never faced a flicker of disdain from any of the breastfeeding mothers I encountered. Non-vaccinators in my circle don't get the hairy eyeball from the rest of us. So what is it about not owning a TV?


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Comments 1-5 of 5
  • CatatonicStupor's Avatar
    Posted by CatatonicStupor Thu May 7, 2009 9:12am PDT

    This is the best answer I can give you for the time being: television links conversation between people in the United States, whereas breastfeeding and vaccination do not. Personally, I am not a prime-time television watcher, and this is mainly due to the fact that I simply do not have the time, but I do hear people discussing favorite shows quite frequently throughout conversation. I think that the common belief amongst Americans that "you're weird because you do not own a television" is justified by the fact that the media promotes that statement in its entirety.

    I know that nineteen years on this Earth is not an enormous amount of time, but I have come to think over the years that the television in my living room is just a tool for brainwashing the masses.

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  • snow bunny's Avatar
    Posted by snow bunny Thu May 7, 2009 9:15am PDT

    My boss doesn't have a tv in their home, either. He comes across as "holier-than-thou" about it. Is it possible that you are coming across that way, without meaning to? Or maybe other parents are jealous/guilty & feel compelled to justify. In the end, so what. If you're doing what you feel is best for your children, don't worry about other's reactions. Snow***

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  • Ashley's Avatar
    Posted by Ashley Thu May 7, 2009 10:27am PDT

    Growing up the TV's in my parents house were on ALL THE TIME. I watched things like Sesame Street and Nick JR and then Nick Toons as I got older. When I was 13 I was given a TV for my room, but with no cable. I really have no idea how much TV I did watch though, meaning how many hours/day, but I do know that I read hundreds of books as a child. I would read whole novels in one day up in my room as the TV sat there, screen black as it had been the time the power went out. I read Goosebumps books, Babysitters Club books, books about animals, and countless others. I still read as an adult but not as much as I would like. I think I'm going to turn the TV off tonight and get going on my most recent...The Story of Edgar Sawtelle.

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  • Karly Randolph Pitman's Avatar
    Posted by Karly Randolph Pitman Thu May 7, 2009 4:59pm PDT

    Our home was TV free for 10 years. We did, however, watch a movie once a week. We succumbed to cable this summer in order to watch the Olympics. Now, yes, I do watch selective TV: American Idol; Project Runway. But after years without it, I find I have very little patience for it now (thank goodness for DVR for fastforwarding those commercials.)

    When TV most calls to me is when I desire nurturing, comfort, a tune-out, but something that doesn't require thinking in the way that a book does. Lately, I've used other alternatives: art, a long shower, painting my toes, or calling a friend. These things soothe in deeper ways than a distracting show that leaves me simultaneously depleted and stimulated.

    The larger issue for me? Connection. Yes, I agree with the comment that TV creates connection in our community. For example, my in-laws and I share discussions about our favorites on American Idol; its a conversation piece. And yet I thirst for more: a real conversation about the depth and not the surfaces of our lives. This is what we are all looking for. Sadly, it's often missing in modern society.

    Your essay also speaks to a greater theme: the issue of living outside the mainstream. When your choices differ from the "norm," others may feel defensive of thier own. Or, they may be flat-out uncomfortable with your lifestyle. I accept that many of my choices aren't "normal:" I abstain from sugar, I limit TV, I homeschool. When I'm comfortable with my choices, I find others are, too. And when they aren't? I recognize it isn't really about me, but them. Most of the time, I try not to take it personally. Note, I did say *most* of the time!

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  • Brianna's Avatar
    Posted by Brianna Fri May 8, 2009 9:10am PDT

    When they get older it could be seen as sheltering your children.

    More power to you, let them read and go outside for entertainment!

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