User post: Staying For Your Kids

From the Community…

• 
  Posted by Kim Mon Jul 6, 2009 7:57am PDT

  It never works. I realized in the long run when I was doing the samething I was only really hurting the kids and myself. I do recommend if you still have love and respect for your spouse that there maybe some hope that your relationship will work, But when all you do is fight cause the respect is gone and then do it in front of your kids and even if you dont the tension is still there and everybody feels it, what are you really teaching the kids. That you should be unhappy the rest of your life and that is how it is because you made a mistake with a relationship. My x and I are good friends now and are able to talk with each other and my kids are totally happy and excepted the way things are. Its harder on the parents then the kids when parents split, but as long as the kids know both parents are there for them and love them then they are good. Its better to be happy and enjoy going home everyday then to not wanting to go home because of all the drama. Then things attend to get worse because spouses usually attend to cheat when they are not getting the attention they need at home to which does take away from thier kids and causes more problems.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Roland Mon Jul 6, 2009 9:12am PDT

  I would not stay with my wife if we are having problems, because my child sees the reaction of hostility between us. And we are affecting my child more thinking what is best for a child/ren. When we ourselves don't know what is best for ourselves. My son lives with me, his mom comes to see when she gets a chance,(mom works too much) that was our fight, fair or not fair? This child did not ask to come into this world, so i will make it the happiest i can make it for him while he is with me.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by JoKTM Mon Jul 6, 2009 9:57am PDT

  Never Ever stay for your kids. My parents finaly divorced when I was 13 because I told my mom to divorce my dad. He never worked even though he said thats where he was going, he would go to the lake instead. We had a car repossed when I was nine, the electricity cut off several time and then a house foreclosed on when I was 12. My mom worked two jobs, she didnt deserve that. My dad was a good man just could not handle responsibility.

  Trust me kids notice strain in a marriage and its harder on them to stay in an unhappy dysfunctional home. I believe I was in a broken home until the divorced after the divorce it was fixed.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by JEAN Mon Jul 6, 2009 10:35am PDT

  I am in a situation where my boyfriend and I are together for the sake of our kids...I was raised by both parents and so was he, but I don't know who's really at fault here...about our failing relationship. I've been pointing at him, mainly accusing him. When I think it's partially my fault as well. The problem is I hardly talk to him at all, we rarely communicate anymore. Then perhaps that is the reason why he "takes off" from us. He leaves us, goes on a drinking binge w/ his friends, for couple of days. Then he comes back apologizing over and over again. I have gotten to the point where I just don't care what he does, I truly do not have any feelings for him...yet, i do think about our daughter. oh yeah did i mention that we're having another girl on friday?? I do feel trap, confused and unhappy about our relationship....but after the baby comes, guess we'll see if anything changes?? but for now it's all for the kids :{

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by stephaniec74 Mon Jul 6, 2009 11:35am PDT

  Staying in a broken relationship isn't going to make your kids happy...it's only going to give them a dysfunctional view of how relationships work and they will be destined to make the same mistakes you made when they grow up and seek out a relationship. Children can still be loved by both parents even if those parents aren't living under the same roof, and especially in a situation where one parent is mistreating the other (cheating, verbal abuse, physical abuse, etc), children need to see the victimized parent stand up for themselves and say "I deserve to be treated better than this and I won't stand for this any more".

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by shameful_gop Mon Jul 6, 2009 11:58am PDT

  Here's a thought: don't have children until you are mature enough to know the right partner when you finally meet him or her. Then you won't be victimizing any children.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Curtis Mon Jul 6, 2009 12:43pm PDT

  Wow, this hits close to home. I'm asking myself this question now. Me and my wife can't talk without getting into a verbal fight. This weekend my son made a comment about us fighting all the time, and this is when I said something has to change. And breaking up maybe it. This fued has been going on for years now, and I have stayed around cause of the kids. Looking back, I am one of the people "Jerry K" posted about! :-D

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Kristina Mon Jul 6, 2009 1:53pm PDT

  I stayed for my children because I was told it was better for them to have both parents in the house. Huge mistake two years later I finally did leave when my husband came home one day shouting as always and I seen all 3 of the girls flinch as they were playing on the floor. It was right then and there that I left the only thing I could think of was they were going to grow up believing that it was okay to be treated this way.

  They are better off now and so am I. Their father and I are much better friends now and actually work together for what is best for them with out all the anger.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by another hockey fan Mon Jul 6, 2009 2:27pm PDT

  The problem with staying is what a lot of previous posters have already said, it's not good for the children in the long run. I think the children are better off with two parents who don't have to live with each other but can have a mutually respectful understanding (and that's where you bite the bullet with your ex) of raising the kids in loving environments whether they are at mom's or dad's place. It won't always be easy of course, but that's where you keep saying you are doing it for the kids and unless one spouse or the other is abusive or otherwise, joint custody is always fair and right.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Lacrae Tue Jul 7, 2009 2:18am PDT

  I didn't stay. I have 2 kids by this guy. I worked he stayed home with the boys. It was really like I was doing it all by myself. Waking up tending to the kids, going to work. I worked from 3-11. Get off work and still tending to the kids. He was either on the pc or playing video games or watching tv. Now don't get me wrong they was feed and clean. My house wasn't though and at 11 at night they were still up. I tried to stay for the kids, just couldn't take it anymore. Getting out in a good, understanding way is best for u and the kids. Even if its not good, if u both love the kids, u will become good friends for the kids sake.

  Report Abuse