I just read an AP story that appeared in my local newspaper about
concerned and strict parents who will not allow their children
(girls mostly) sleep over at other children’s houses. Whatever
their motivations — they don’t know the other child’s parents,
they’re worried about lack of supervision or what the children will
be allowed to do at the party, like surf the Internet or watch
scary movies — they feel they are unable to trust most other
parents with whom their children might interact and have made the
decision to just avoid the potential danger all together.
I can understand this frame of mind, especially considering recent
news stories of molestations occurring at sleepovers — the most
recent and prevalent involving a 13-year-old who was molested by
her friend’s father after he drugged her smoothie. Even
disregarding the physical trauma that can potentially happen at a
sleepover, there’s emotional trauma to consider that spans far
beyond unkind classmates playing tricks involving shaving cream.
Coming from someone who watched “Child’s Play” at a sleepover in
4th grade and is now — at the age of 29 — trying to finally
overcome the fear of all things involving that movie, I can
certainly vouch for the sad results that can come from staying
overnight in the house of someone whose parents are either not
watchful enough or very lenient in their parenting styles (we also
watched “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane” and “Arachnophobia” at
that girl’s sleepovers. In light of the upcoming remake of “Child’s
Play” due to come out next year, I think, I have decided it’s about
time to face this fear and try to overcome it, so I will not freak
out whenever I see previews or movie posters over the coming
months. (I’m currently on step three of eight: being able to look
at the title of the movie written or typed out without it upsetting
me. So far, I’m doing good.)
Still, sleepovers can provide much-needed communication and
togetherness among children. Despite the potential threats to your
children, would you ever make the decision not to allow them to
attend a sleepover at the home of a child whose parents you don’t
know very well? Most of the sleepovers I attended were perfectly
normal, and with the exception of Georgia’s scary sleepovers, we
never watched horror movies. If my mom had known that the result of
one of those parties would still affect me 20 years later, would
she make the decision to not let me go? Probably, but I doubt she’d
ban me from ALL sleepovers.
What do you think? Would you tell your children they couldn’t go?
Or have you in the past? Do you restrict whose houses they can
visit or the amount of time they can stay (like they can stay until
10:00 p.m., but not overnight)?
I had never considered this problem. I always assumed I’d let my
children go to sleepovers, assuming I didn’t feel any sort of
animosity toward the parents, but now I’ll have to think more on
the subject, for when I have children of my own.
User post: Would you ban your child from sleepovers?
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From the Community…
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 10:57am PDT
Report AbuseI grew up with the parents of a lot of my daughters friends, so they knew me and I knew them. Our kids were allowed to go to sleepovers if we knew of their parents.
I would always get an adress, phone number and speak to the parents first. I knew my girls ate too much, didn't sleep enough, and watched the movies that were to gruesome for me to watch with them.
My daughters and I grew up in the same neighborhood, so we all knew each other and their families.
But, my girls didn't really ask to go very much.
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:11am PDT
Report Abuse(Super) Abuelita: My best friend and I would sleep over at each other's house every weekend, and our mothers were very good friends. I attended sleepover birthday parties probably twice a year or so, maybe more, depending on how many girls in our class had sleepover birthday parties. That girl Georgia I mentioned above invited all the girls in our class two years in a row (when we watched those three movies). I wasn't friends with her and probably wouldn't have gone if my best friend hadn't. Georgia was perfectly nice, just a little strange. :) I guess it's tough for parents when some complete stranger (comparatively) invites their child over, just because she was coincidentally in the same homeroom that year.
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:22am PDT
Report AbuseThe only place my Son will be sleeping in is his own bed and his best friends house. They have grown up together and the parents just happen to be lifetime friends who we trust completely. I am currently thinking of creative ideas to get the children together without them having to sleep over anywhere. I know that being overprotective is not always a great thing but it is my responsibility. I trust very few people with my Son and I really dont care.
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:24am PDT
Report AbuseSlumber parties are so fondly remembered by most people including myself that I would never want to deny my child the right to attend them. Yes, they sometimes get crazy with scary movies, gossip and junk food but it comes with the territory. They're also great for preparing kids to spend a night away from mom and dad, which can be traumatizing for some although having friends around makes it a little better.
I suppose for strict parents its hard to imagine their child not listening to their rules but rather someone else's and the fear that once they taste blood.... you know the rest. However, as long as your kid leaves the house and is a new setting they need to learn to adapt to new rules. Its a good learning experience.
I know there are horror stories about slumber parties, but remember there are horror stories about schools, churches, extended family and youth sports. You can't live in fear and its not fair to shelter a child for fear of being harmed.
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:25am PDT
Report AbuseIf I didn't know the parents it would be easy to fix that problem, pick up a phone and go with your child when dropping them off. I wouldn't just pull up and have her jump out the car to strangers house. I do think it's going over board to ban them all together. I have a lot of great memories from sleepovers, even the frozen bra in the freezer because I fell asleep first. I think to say you do not know the parents is an excuse not a good reason to say no.
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:30am PDT
Report AbuseOf course, I would never allow my children to sleep at homes unless I knew the families well. As a child, my best friend lived three houses down, so we were always having sleep overs. Girls can have great sleep over experiences as Girl Scouts , in church summer camps, and activities through summer school programs.
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 12:40pm PDT
Report AbuseWhen I was 8, and went to my first sleepover they were really mean and truth was, they invited me just to ignore and make fun of me. Now she SOMETIMES will let me sleepover with my best friend since 1st grade. [I'm 13 and in 8th grade now]
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:09pm PDT
Report AbuseWow. Banning a kid from a sleepover? Really? If you don't know the parents, meet them. Yep, they're gonna watch scary movies, eat junk food, and stay up, but that's the whole point. Some people need to lighten up! And what is this cr@p about being extra strict with girls? Last I checked we were out of the Victorian ages.
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:51pm PDT
Report AbuseSt.Jimmy: Well, that was what the article said. It was focusing mostly on the physical threats to girls at sleepovers, but I agree that there's just as much chance, if not more, that boys will watch scary or otherwise inappropriate movies/TV shows at a sleepover, so if parents are going to be strict with girls they should be with boys as well. Also, boys could be molested just as easily as girls.
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 4:19pm PDT
Report AbuseI really don't see the point of sleepovers before high school. Seriously, kids act up when they get tired and then they start to argue and fight (at least I know I did when I was little) and then the sleepover isn't much fun anymore anyway, and someone always ends up getting left out in the process. I had way more fun at sleepovers when I was older than the ones I went to as a kid. There's really no reason that younger kids can't go do stuff and have fun and all that and then go home at the end of it all and give the parents a break. I can not imagine leaving some poor parent at the mercy of my kids for an entire night; that would just be cruel in my opinion. They can go have fun and whatever and then come home and let the other parent recover from their hectic day and be thankful that they DIDN'T do the sleepover and then everyone can talk about what a great time they had when everyone's rested and happy in the morning.
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