Who has it easier, married or single moms?

From the Community…

• 
  Posted by Jess Wed May 27, 2009 1:03pm PDT

  I'm a single mother of an extremely hyper 3 1/2 year old. Part of me loves doing it by myself, I don't have to worry about someone getting mad about my parenting style, I don't have to check with anyone else's family for holidays and such. But it's painful in it's own ways as well. I have little to no backup, I find myself fighting a battle of wits with my little ball of energy. I'm fully aware that she has the attitude sometimes because she wants my undivided attention, but as a single mother, I don't exactly have the luxury of devoting all my time to her. So ultimately it's both good and bad compared to a 2 parent family.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Michelle Thu May 28, 2009 11:31am PDT

  I'm a single mom of a five and 1/2 year old and a two year old. At times their dad comes back to help, but they are with me 99% of the time. It is a relief to have those moments when he can provide that back up and take care of bathing them and taking them to the park. It gives me a guilt free break because they are just as much his responsibility as they are mine. However, I do not enjoy the arguments over parenting style and watching him half-do something. I of course work and go to school full-time. And since they are with me 99% of the time, I do wonder how much I really need him, if at all. But I think that if that father and the mother are a good match before hey even have t he children, any parenting disagreements can be worked out in a civil manner that benefits the whole family. So there are pros and cons to both. You just have to be wise in choosing who to parent with, otherwise you are better off doing it by yourself.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by SannaJ Thu May 28, 2009 11:32am PDT

  The "Mad at Dad" article above is the story of my life. And also the reason why I left my husband and am asking for a divorce. The article is right - anger is corrosive. In the end, it corroded our marriage to the point where I simply don't love him anymore. I am prepared to be a single mom, because I was basically a single mom before. At least now when I have to do it all - it will be without a burning resentment towards my hubby. I don't have any answers but I know there are a lot of women out there just like me. Moms: be strong and do what is best for yourself and your family.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by mnrawker Thu May 28, 2009 11:43am PDT

  After dealing with a horrible marriage, I am glad to be a single parent. It is so much easier to do things the way I want them done. I have family close by for help, so we are ok. I'm glad I don't have to fight with anyone about discipline, money, etc.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by vense Thu May 28, 2009 11:43am PDT

  Neither both have it ruff one might have the spouse's help & the other might have the help of family so no matter what you must always have a positive influence in the child or childrens life! you give up the right to be selfish!

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by chano Thu May 28, 2009 12:11pm PDT

  This blog seems to have its share of "better off without him" statements. We are certainly forgetting that there are plenty of guys like me who are devoted dads and helpful partners. I take my duties seriously and relish the time I get to spend with my boys.

  My wife has plenty of alone and girl time, while I get my share of time to do my own thing. Being a single parent can be overwhelming, as one person has to cover all of the responsibilities once shared.

  To all those parents who look at the Glory of single parenting: all that glitters isn't gold. I'd rather have my wife to carry the load.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by SannaJ Thu May 28, 2009 12:25pm PDT

  Sean P - We aren't forgetting that there are men like you, we just haven't had that experience. Comparing your situation to those who don't have helpful or supportive partners is like comparing apples to oranges. I would have given anything to have a husband who was engaged in his children's lives and took his family responsibilities seriously. In my case, I AM better off without him. It's wonderful that you are the kind of man you say you are, we just wish there were more like you.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by STEPHANIE Thu May 28, 2009 12:25pm PDT

  I believe having a partner, a functional and contributing partner, is ideal for parenting. However, some partners are more destructive and definitely do not contribute anything but problems. It happens. In those cases, being alone is far simpler and frees one from the expenditure of energy on negative stuff. I had to make the choice and do not regret it. The only regret is that I wish I had chosen a responsible man or one who at least wasn't selfish and mean. I was young, what else can I say. It was lonely being married to him and life is waaaaaay better without him. Kids are happier too.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by MistressMinx Thu May 28, 2009 12:31pm PDT

  I left my husband (now ex) three years ago.

  While it certainly is nice not to have to ask his opinion, watch him do things halfway, or clash on parenting styles, it is also at times very difficult.

  I have very little backup, which means no "me" time until after she's in bed, the kitchen has been cleaned and all the other household stuff is done. I usually go several months in between "days off" and if she is sick, I'm the one who has to leave work.

  In no way would I still be married (even knowing how difficult it is), but what I wouldn't give for a day off!

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by JenniferB Thu May 28, 2009 1:10pm PDT

  i am a single (divorced) mom of three, yes three. I am definitely better off with out him, especially since he was never there anyways. He was an abusive person and never helped with the kids, house, etc. In that sense, I am way better off with out him. On the other hand, it is soooo hard. I am supporting my kids on my own. My ex refuses to pay the support that he owes. All of the bills are on me and it gets scarey. Its alot of responsibility, noone to fall back on. i cannot afford a babysitter, so i barely go out with my girlfriends. Can we say: NO social life!? I love my kids with all my heart and wouldnt change the fact that I kicked him out and got the divorce. But what I would do for some ME time.

  Report Abuse