Life is a beautiful thing, isn't it? You
fall in love, get married, buy a house and nice car, have a couple
of kids and maybe even a dog. Everything is going great, you think.
Then one day out of the blue, your spouce tell's you he/she
wants a divorce.
Your world falls apart in a split second. You try to talk, but you
get no where, you notice your bags are packed and waiting for you
by the front door. With tears rolling down your face, you hug your
children before you walk out the door. Thinking in the back of your
mind 'this is just a phase, it will pass, I'll be home by
the end of the week'.
You go stay with family or friends, maybe even check
into a hotel close to home, so you can be close to your friends.
That though still hanging on in the back of your mind.
Theres a knock on the door, and there stands a officer handing you
certified papers. Divorce papers.
As you read the paperwork, tears begin to roll down
your face, he/she has filed for emergency custody of the children
because they clam you are unfit to care for them. You can see
the children while being supervised.
Your divorce is finallized and you get visitation every other
weekend and maybe tuesdays during the week. As if the divorce
proceedings wasn't bad enough, with all the lies that were told
on you and the people who were supposed to be friends took sides
and threw in afew lies of their own, you are now being told you
cant have your kids this weekend because of some excuse. The kids
are crying and wanting to go with you, your heart is about to jump
out of your cheast with pain, but all you can do is hug them and
tell them you will see them on the next visit.
The next visit rolls around and you call the night before to say
you will arrive early because you have a appoiment or something,
and she/he tells you the kids went to spend the night with a family
member. You get upset and say something to them and it turns into a
big fight.
This goes on for afew months and a friend of yours tells you
to go back to court. You do and nothing but a slap on the wrist is
done. Afew more months go by and nothing has changed, you arn't
getting your visitation, the kids crying in the background and the
courts wont do anything.
Then one day, you lose your job, and fall behind on your
support payments, you have to move back in with family because you
cant afford a place of your own.
The phone rings and its 'them' on the phone wanting to know
where the support check is. Trying to explain whats going on, you
can hear your children in the background crying wanting to talk to
you, but instead you hear your ex calling you names and telling you
how worthless you are. All this being done infront of the children.
After hearing all this and hearing nothing but negitave outburst
about you, the children might beleave it. And it only falls down
hill from there.
Your summoned to court and when you try to explain
your situation to the judge, he dont care. He wants to know why you
havent been paying your support, and you try to tell him again. He
gives you three weeks to get a job and sets up another court date.
Three weeks later your in the court room again and when he asks you
if your working and you say not yet, but you've been looking,
the judge starts telling you what a dead beat you are and puts you
in jail till he thinks you've learnt your lesson. But nothing
is done about your visition being slowly taken away.
This happened to a friend of mine and it isnt right!
Unless your a pedafile or you have done harm to your children in
anyway, or you just dont want your children. It should be
automatically joint custody, equial time spent with the children
and no support.
Who's Getting Hurt Here??
user
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Posted by Sun Nov 29, 2009 8:59am PST
Report AbuseI agree on the joint custody and visitations.
Children need a roof over their head, food, clothing, and all the miscellaneous.
WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR THAT??
Surely not the tax payers.
Try explaining why one of the children can't get a pair of shoes, or anything else they need, to them.
The children suffer the most from this type of situation.
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Posted by Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:34am PST
Report AbuseThis post really touch my heart. I've been there. I lost custody of my children to my ex-husband because he had more money and power than I did. He had expensive lawyers to "prove" that I was an unfit mother. My "friends" bailed on me because in front of everyone else, he was the perfect man. It was when noone could see that he was a wife beater and a cheat. I haven't seen my children, my precious twins in 6 months because he is "vacationing" out of the country. It just isn't fair. People should have to be married for at least 10 years before having children, to see if things are going to stay in the "fairy tale" mode or if it is going to dissolve like a grain of salt.
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Posted by Sun Nov 29, 2009 9:02pm PST
Report Abusethat is such a sad story, I cannot belive that is happing to your friend! that is not right!
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Posted by Sun Nov 29, 2009 9:25pm PST
Report AbuseMY SITUATION IS QUITE DIFFERENT LEGALLY YET I'M VEXXED EMOTIONALLY AS TO HOW OR WHY MY EX-HUSBAND WOULD HURT/USE OUR 3 BOYS [12, 13&3/4, 15YRS]. I MADE A POINT OF NEVER GETTING A LICENSE,IN CALIFORNIA THIS ALLOWS ONE TO AVOID THE NIGHTMARE OF LEGAL DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS. I TRULY BELIEVED THAT ADULTS WERE "FORCED" TO USE THEIR KIDS TO PUNISH THEIR EX DUE TO ANGUISH CAUSED BY COURTS. ALAS, I WAS WRONG. MY EX HAS BEEN WILLING TO HURT OUR KIDS IN ANY WAY NESS. TO TRY TO HURT ME. I JUST DON'T GET HOW THIS BLOKE WHOM I KNOW LOVES HIS SONS CAN WATCH THEM SUFFER WHILST MAINTAINING AN ATTITUDE OF GUILTLESS SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS.
ALTHOUGH HE SLEPT WITH MY FRIEND, FELL OFF THE WAGON AFEW TIMES, CAUSED CHAOS, AND EVENTUALLY BECAME VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY CRUEL TOWARDS ME, I NEVER WOULD'VE DREAMT HE'D USE THE BOYS AS A MEANS TO AN END. ALL THIS IS SO IRONIC 1:HE WAS SO OVER-PROTECTIVE UNTIL WE SPLIT, 2:HE CAN'T HURT ME ANYMORE AS I DON'TLOVE HIM ANY LONGER...THE DEAD GIVE AWAY???...I ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP!!
ANY INSIGHTS? I REALLY WANT TO TAKE MY BOYS OUT OF THE LINE OF FIRE,AND DESPITE MY NOT RESPONDING, CALMLY REASSURING MY BOYS THAT THEY NEEDN'T TAKE SIDES OR WORRY ABOUT OUR NONSENSE, AND GENERALLY STICKING TO MY STANDARDS REGARDLESS OF ANYONE ELSE'S BEHAVIOUR...THE SITUATION DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER.
ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE BUT IT'S SO LOW TO USE KIDS!!!!
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Posted by Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:51pm PST
Report Abusei have been in same situation for 10 years. my ex was a drug dealer, but the courts gave him my kids anyway because i lost my job and my home during the custody hearing. now even though i am supposed to see my kids often, i have to go by his rules. and the judge won't even listen when i try to tell him that my ex is a drug addict. i love my kids. i hate the system. there is no way to win against it. espesially in an economy where there are no jobs anymore.
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Posted by Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:54pm PST
Report Abusei don't know how it is in other states, but in texas, if you are a man, and you have some money, you are allowed to sell drugs, beat your wife, verbally abuse your kids,kick you dog, lie,cheat, and steal. because boys will be boys in this good ole boy state!
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Posted by Mon Nov 30, 2009 4:13am PST
Report Abusethats sad,i dnt wish to be in that situation.hope ya friend will get pieces togeda,smday d sun will shine in his sky.
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Posted by Mon Nov 30, 2009 10:43am PST
Report AbuseIf I had it to do all over again I would never tell the father of my child about my child. My parents fought over us for years. It was ugly so I decided never to marry. I had my child late in life and then ended up with a guy who uses my child against me. The pain is unbearable and many times I wish I had never had a child.
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Posted by Mon Nov 30, 2009 2:26pm PST
Report AbuseI'm sick of this crap. You can't tell me he didn't notice that his fantasy world had a real woman in it who wasn't happy for a long time and probably tried to tell him this, but he was too busy living in fantasy land. I'm sick of people who act like it's not their fault.
I'd put money down that this woman told him time and time again what needed to change. I'd bet if we asked her, she'd say there were problems for years, it wasn't out of the blue, and he should have know. I've seen it happen and I've done it myself. I told a guy time and time again what was wrong, but he thought everything was perfect.
As for child support and visitation this guy completely isn't doing it right at all! Not at all. He's playing the victim, when he hasn't stepped up for his responsibility once.
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Posted by Mon Nov 30, 2009 2:27pm PST
Report AbusePS:
His response to child support & custody also reflects an issue with a fantasy world and expectations without realistic abilities or effort to get there. I have no respect for this person who so obviously isn't interested in the real, but in what he thinks things are "supposed to be."
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