Parenting

Monday, December 7, 2009

Why My Child Won't Attend School This Fall -- Or Maybe Ever

My son Benny was out late last night at a bar in Soho. It's now ten-thirty a.m. and he's spread eagled across his bed, one long leg dangling off the mattress. His dirty bangs hang over his closed eyes, his mouth flutters open and shut as he breathes deep sleeping breaths. As ever, his socks are on, threadbare and gray at the heels.

In this pose, he's an average teenage boy, except for two things: he's just shy of five years old and today he starts un-kindergarten.

It's the new school year and while Benny's been sleeping this morning, many of his old babyhood friends have already eaten breakfast, donned their shining new backpacks and shoes, and trooped off toward their very first day of kindergarten.

Benny knows the word kindergarten. He's read about kids going to such a place in his books, many of which he insists on reading on his own these days. But he hasn't yet asked if he will be going to kindergarten. My partner, Brad, and I haven't really mentioned that he wont be.

Benny's never heard of un-kindergarten though. That's because I made up the term last night.

We were out with friends having drinks. Benny was with us, as usual. We'd hit that lull time around nine o'clock, post happy hour and pre-late night revelers when New York City bartenders don't seem to mind five-year-olds playing with cars and sipping cranberry juice near the bar.

Our friends have no kids, but were curious about our decision not to send Benny to school. They're aware enough to know that homeschooling is no longer (and probably never was) just a bunch of Bible-thumping Seventh Day Adventists who teach their kids at home in order to avoid the heathens at public school. Our friends also understand that parents homeschool their kids in different ways and for different reasons.

Nonetheless, when I used the term "unschooling," they needed an explanation.

"There's no good soundbite to describe it," I said, "just as there's no good soundbite to describe school. But generally speaking, unschoolers don't send their kids to regular school and avoid teaching by curriculum. You won't find them at the kitchen table every morning doing math, then reading, then geography."

I went on to explain that unschoolers believe in letting a kid's curiosity, interests and natural hunger for knowledge guide their learning.

"So are you unschoolers, then?" Julie, our friend, asked.

Brad and I exchanged glances then gave vague yes/no head waggles.

For page two, click here.

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Comments 1-10 of 79
  • Rowdygirl's Avatar
    Posted by Rowdygirl Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:12pm PDT

    "Bible-thumping Seventh Day Adventists who teach their kids at home in order to avoid the heathens at public school"

    Yeah.. you sound like the perfect person to teach your child to hate Christians/people of faith and anyone who lives a life different than yours.. very nice

    Report Abuse
  • scooters_lover's Avatar
    Posted by scooters_lover Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:16pm PDT

    I personally believe that kids need structure in their lives. But, to each his own.

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  • TinySparklez's Avatar
    Posted by TinySparklez Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:16pm PDT

    A bar in Soho? Really?? lol. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound judgmental, everyone does as sees best for their children, and thier lifestyle. But anyways, I have never heard of "Unschooling" as you said. But do you feel comfortable expirementing(I think its spelled wrong, can't think of the spelling for the life of me right now.) with your childs development? I'm just curious because I currently have a two year old. while I don't live anywhere near New york, I have considered homeschooling. I just don't want to hurt him. hmm. Food for thought.

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  • Straightfoward(lovely lady)'s Avatar
    Posted by Straightfoward(lovely lady) Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:21pm PDT

    I think you need to be more concerned with taking your child to a bar. I mean i don't know if you are gonna be a very good homeschooling parent, if you take him to a bar alot. There is really no excuse for that. I don't care where you live, i know that just isn't right.

    Report Abuse
  • harlene's Avatar
    Posted by harlene Sun Sep 21, 2008 10:00pm PDT

    maybe your dauther afraid to tell the truth

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  • Jan D's Avatar
    Posted by Jan D Mon Sep 22, 2008 12:12am PDT

    I have to say AWESOME job if Benny is reading on his own and just shy of five!!! What a wonderful accomplishment. Some people have very different views, and as it seems some people are very apt to tell you how horrible you are for having your child out in a bar that late... Who cares? At least you had him with you rather then not. Just doing what you believe is best is hard enough. Put his best interest first, you and your child will be fine.

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  • Charlotte's Avatar
    Posted by Charlotte Mon Sep 22, 2008 4:18am PDT

    Good for you to make that decision. If you think unschooling is the best thing for Benny, then don't listen to any of the naysayers.

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  • Angela R's Avatar
    Posted by Angela R Mon Sep 22, 2008 6:29am PDT

    Im sorry but the whole "unschooling thing" sounds to me to be very selfish on your part.you might as well send the kid to boarding school with the way you go an about how school would interrupt YOUR schedule. Seriously letting your five year old go the bar with you, sleep in till noon and do whatever he wants as far as his education goes... well good luck with all the OBVIOUS problems you are going to have once you become a parent and realize that a five year old needs more structure than what you are giving him... seriously.

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  • BEE's Avatar
    Posted by BEE Mon Sep 22, 2008 6:29am PDT

    Having your child out at a bar at night in Soho?? Please... this is not S&City... your child needed to be in bed. Ever heard of a bedtime?

    Report Abuse
  • MochaMama42's Avatar
    Posted by MochaMama42 Mon Sep 22, 2008 6:52am PDT

    You know what is best for your child. I commend you on your decision.

    Report Abuse
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