Parenting

Monday, November 30, 2009

You gotta fight for your right....for peanut butter and jelly?

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Photo Credit: Getty Images

The other day a mom I know was telling me about a new no-peanuts policy at her three-year-old son’s daycare center. A new child will soon be attending the center, and he suffers from a life-threatening peanut allergy. To protect him, the entire school is going peanut-free: nothing cooked in peanut oils, nothing made with peanuts, no peanut butter. Though my friend didn’t relish the idea of having to come up with ideas for her son’s lunches that don’t include PBJ, she was surprised when she heard that other parents at the center were actually calling the daycare center to complain about the policy. Some parents complained that the child’s allergy shouldn’t be their problem—why should they have to deal with the inconvenience of packing a peanut-free lunch? Some parents were downright hostile, even suggesting that the allergic kid not be allowed to attend a “regular” daycare if his allergies are so bad.

I have to admit that many years ago, the first time I heard that airlines had replaced peanuts with pretzels for the safety of their allergic passengers, I rolled my eyes. “Everybody’s so worried about liability these days,” I remember remarking, smugly snacking on a peanut-butter sandwich and peanut-oil-fried potato chips with nary a worry about anaphylaxis.

Then I became a parent myself and bothered to look at the facts. According to the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology, 1.1% of the population is allergic to peanuts and/or other tree nuts (like walnuts, cashews and almonds). More children (8%) than adults (2%) have food allergies, and that number is growing—it doubled over the last decade. Food allergies can be deadly, and peanut allergies are especially dangerous. And children do not tend to outgrow life-threatening nut allergies: the only solution is to avoid all nuts, in any form—including nut oils, nut butters, and teeny-tiny nut particles.

While I understand that having to overhaul your snack cabinet is a drag, I couldn’t believe that some parents would be so unfeeling as to suggest that an allergic child never go anywhere to spare the rest of us the hassle of dealing with him. But reading some websites and blogs about food allergies, I ran across many jaw-dropping comments, like the following:

"We cannot become a dictatorship. If parents are so worried about the allergies they should home school their children and not go out in public.”

And

“Peanuts are shown to increase brain function and also mental alertness. They have special elements that are essential to a developing mind…it is a huge inconvenience for all the parents to try to read all the labels and change their whole way of life.”

Seriously? Peanuts as a way of life? Kids should stay isolated at home because the rest of us can’t bear to be apart from our Snickers and brain-boosting Planter’s for a few hours?

It's not about being dictated to, it's about making choices that are as much about the good of others as my own convenience (something I would love for my kids to learn by example).

While it would be very easy for me to sit here with my four (thus far) allergy-free kids and complain about being inconvenienced by another child’s food restrictions, what do I really have to complain about? If my boys’ school implemented a no-nut policy next year, I’d have to come up with a creative solution to the everyday PBJ. Big deal. At the end of the day, my kids could come home and eat whatever they wanted without my having to worry about their windpipes swelling up if they accidentally ate (or, possibly even worse, if I accidentally served) the wrong thing.

But for kids with deadly allergies? Their parents can never really relax. Any social situation or public meal has the potential to turn scary and dangerous. I can only hope that if I ever had a child with a similar condition, other people would get over their “need” for nuts and show a little compassion.

No, there's no such thing as a 100% safe environment for a child with a serious food allergy (a fact their parents are likely well aware of.) And yes, allergic kids will eventually need to learn to navigate the big scary peanut-ridden world around them. But not when they’re 3. And while a peanut-allergic child will eventually have to learn to control his own environment and keep himself safe, as a school-aged kid I figure he’s entitled to a little leeway—as well as a social life and an education—while he’s figuring it out.

Making a school environment just a little bit safer for kids with life-threatening allergies isn’t coddling or dictating or giving preferential treatment.

It’s basic human decency. Which do we value more highly: our children, or our Jif?

Think parents of nut-allergic kids are just being hysterical and high-drama? Before you spout off, educate yourself on what food allergies are (and aren’t), how serious they really can be, and how you can help create a safer environment for your child or her allergic friends. Visit these websites for more information:

--Meagan Francis also spouts off at her blog, www.meaganfrancis.com/blog

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 62
  • pamelah's Avatar
    Posted by pamelah Mon Jun 23, 2008 9:30pm PDT

    I have life threatening peanut allergies, my oldest son has life threatening dairy and egg allergies. It is easy to be peanut free, or at least have peanut free tables. That is what they do at our schools. As far as the egss, and dairy, he just deals with it. Soy Nut Butter is a great alternative. I send that as one of my youngest son's friends has severe nut allergies. Just a courtesy, one that is really appreciated by those of that fear peanuts!

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  • KL's Avatar
    Posted by KL Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:00am PDT

    Yes, it might be a pain to have to come up with alternative snack items for your kids at school if they ban peanuts and peanut butter.... but I would prefer that to finding out that my young child was so kind and friendly as to share his snack with his new friend and that new friend is now in the hospital or having a funeral that week.

    You are right, when they're older they must learn to navigate the world, but we need to all support all the children at this age. I might make a boo boo face, but I wouldn't be so crude as to suggest it's upsetting my life and I don't care about the other's kids.

    Also, my kids happen to actually not like peanuts and I will say there are plenty of alternatives out there to the peanut butter sandwich and a snickers bar.

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  • popesmom's Avatar
    Posted by popesmom Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:08am PDT

    I think it is the right thing to do. It really is to bad for the children with allergies, no child wants to be different. It is not like the other families can't eat pb&j at home. Better safe than sorry.

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  • Cougar Girl's Avatar
    Posted by Cougar Girl Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:27pm PDT

    Thank you for writing about this important issue. My brother has anaphylaxis to eggs and nuts and it has been heartbreaking over the years. I remember When a few children found out about his allergy they "tested" it and he ended up with an epenephrine pen jammed in his leg to save his life. Even his most recent gf let her young children be reckless with peanut butter countless times when they would argue and, passive-agressively, my brother suffered again. It is managable but we all need to take extra-precautions, especially those who have never grown up with anyone with this severe reaction. (Even if that may mean banning PB&J.) Just think if it were your brother or your child.

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  • PaulaT's Avatar
    Posted by PaulaT Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:58pm PDT

    My daughter has gone to school with children that have so many different food allergies that we don't send anything peanut anymore. She doesn't take PBJ or peanuts as snacks she has them at home. Also for holiday parties and birthday parties at school I have started sending in goody bags. I feel much better knowing all the kids are safe and can take part in the celebration and have the extras rather than have to sit out because they are allergic to peanuts, chocolate, wheat or are diabetic (we have run into all of these and more). I would feel horrible if my daughter took something in that could possibly make some other child sick...

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  • Jennifer's Avatar
    Posted by Jennifer Tue Jun 24, 2008 6:37pm PDT

    What a delight to hear that you have chosen to take the high road and to teach your children to think of others even with the foods that they consume. I just beg other parents to do the same. As a mother of a two year old who found out her daughter was allergic to peanuts the very first time she had peanut butter, I can say it has been the most angst inducing thing in my life. My daughter's eyes swelled almost shut, her lips and ears puffed out, hand's like two water balloons. I'm telling you I have never known fear like that, not knowing if her throat was doing the same thing. I am never at ease in a crowd (even family) and beginning daycare was so stressful. Never knowing when the phone rings and you see that number on the caller id if it's going to be "that call" or not. I have to work and there aren't daycares just for kids with food allergies, believe me i've looked. I just want to say "Thank you" for working to help us through this period of exploration with toddlers. Not having to worry about a peanut M&M getting to my kids mouth and her going to bed and never waking to see another day is certainly a dream I have often. I know that her daycare allows other children to have things like peanut butter crackers. I also know that my daycare instructor is overly protective with my daughter when they do have those snacks. There is still always a chance. I would love to see a policy banning it from state licensed daycare menus. Again thanks to those of you who are in the "it takes a village to raise children" mindset.

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  • Sew Flake's Avatar
    Posted by Sew Flake Wed Jun 25, 2008 6:17am PDT

    I really don't see 100 kids going without anything that has peanuts in it because one child is allergic to it. Peanuts are very good for the children and are part of life. If you have an allergy to something you don't ask the world to stop using it. Just like smoking, the people that have an allergy to it should not go to the places that have allergies.

    We have a girl at our VBS that's allergic to everything that has wheat or gluten in it ... we just serve her something different, we don't keep that from the other 100 children. That would be rediculous.

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  • LZ's Avatar
    Posted by LZ Wed Jun 25, 2008 6:32am PDT

    I dont think its good policy to ban peanut products from schools because 1% of the population has allergies. It is just another extreme over reaction to a small problem. Individuals have to take responsibility for their own lives, outside of school there in no nationwide nut ban and persons with allergies have to adapt. Students should be expected to keep their areas clean and use proper food handling techniques but other than that I dont think its realistic to just ban them. School isnt some magic bubble of safety. I work in a hospital and when we have a patient with nut allergies we are asked to keep those products out of their room and practice good hand washing. We have never had a problem. My kids were breast fed until they were 15 months old, I gave then food, milk, etc, very early on and neither had any allergies, diet problems, and they both eat everything. I have never given them vitimins and they are in excellent health. Everyone I know that has kids with diatary issues refused to give them dairy, nut products, etc. early on. I think most of these so called food allergies are man made by diets that do not allow for proper exposure to these things early enough.

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  • C's Avatar
    Posted by C Wed Jun 25, 2008 7:45am PDT

    School can't be a bubble? No, it can't - but at the same time, we're talking about a three year old (or so) here. Not an adult, and I can tell you from personal experience it is difficult enough to avoid food allergens as an adult and knowing what questions to ask and what to look for, much less as a child. And guess what? I ate everything as a child - veggies, nuts, milk, etc. We even grew most of our veggies. Yet I still have allergies.

    Peanuts are one of the few allergies that are frequently AIRBORN, to the poster who thinks that avoiding serving it only to that person would work. Airborn. Meaning they don't have to ingest it to have a reaction.

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  • VS's Avatar
    Posted by VS Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:51am PDT

    we're sunflower butter fanatics!

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