... I get really, really, really, really attached to someone
after we sleep together. Really attached."
... I am at present an impenetrable fortress of Spanx."
... I'm not ready to tell you about my herpes status."
... I'm not ready to be disappointed by what appears to be your
smaller than average member."
Have you been in this situation before? You're not a prude, but sometimes there are any number of reasons why you're not willing or able to go for the deed on a particular night. And maybe it's a good thing. Read: Does Casual Sex Screw Up Emotional Intimacy?
Why? Because let's face it: waiting to have sex—regardless of religious concerns or affectations of "being hard to get" or whatever reason you have—puts you in control of the situation and heightens both the desire and anticipation of the inevitable. What's more, it also gives you the opportunity to get to know him better. Always a good thing, right?
An article from AskMen.com seems to think the sweet spot is sometime after the third date but before month three:
There's a good chance that this kind of gal has a great sex drive. And it's great that she took the time to get to know you, and let you get to know her—outside the bedroom."
So what exactly you can tell a guy on a first date (or second or third) that would a) indicate future interest but b) delay the sex act for at least that night? Read: Red-Hot Reasons To Skip First-Date Sex
Here are a few lines that you might want to try out if the opportunity arises:
Things you should probably not say:
- My vagina dentata has been acting up lately. It's quite hungry. Read: Love and (Safe) Sex: How Do You Have The STD Talk?
- You really think the date went that well?
- I'm pretty tired, I guess I could just lie there and try not to fall asleep, I guess, if that's what you'd like.
- Good luck getting through my extra-strength support panty hose.
- Um, I'm not ready to be disappointed... yet.
Things you could say:
- I'm riding the crimson wave. And it's the first day. Read: What Do Men Think About Sex During Your Period?
- I'm sorry, but my vagina is tired. (Yawn)
- I put out on the second date. (Wink)
- I've taken a six-month vow of celibacy.
- Can we stop at Duane Reade so I can pick up some tampons?
- It's too humid right now. Call me in September.
- You have to earn it, Sporty Spice.
- I'm getting my birth control refilled tomorrow.
- What kind of girl do you think I am?
- I have a seriously upset stomach, must have been the crab meat.
- I could use a waxing, seriously.
- I have standards. You need to at least buy me dinner. Twice.
- I'm allergic to latex.
Things you should say:
- Listen, we are not having sex tonight.
- I have a [insert number] date rule.
- My philosophy is: Good things come to those who wait.
- I'm on a Puritan cleanse. I'm delaying present pleasures for future pay-offs. Read: Spiritual Sex: 10 Erotic Commandments
- I need your help on an editorial project that I am working on, it's about lines you can give a guy that would a) indicate future interest but b) delay the sex act for at least that night...
- We should probably get tested before we do anything.
- I'll meet you halfway—phone sex?
- Good old honesty: I really like you and I'm attracted to you, but I'd like to wait a little before we sleep together. Not forever, not a really long time, just a little longer, OK? If he gives you a major problem about that, then he's probably a jerk anyway.
What's your line? And how long do you think you
should wait until having sex?
More From YourTango:
- Bridging The Gap Between Casual Sex And Commitment
- Does Casual Sex Screw Up Emotional Intimacy?
- Do Men Turn Down A Casual Lay?
- The Many Forms of Intimacy
- Dating Detox: I Took A 3-Year Break From Men
- Men Less Picky For A One-Night Stand
Written by Claire Daniel
